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LonelyD,

I have to wish you luck and ask you to send us notes from this territory on which I have never tread. I am not saying I have never felt anger to the point of rage....but, I have never willingly chosen to go there. I have no idea why you would think "rage" is a good thing. Frankly, I went from worrying about you yesterday....to worrying about those around you now. To turn your back on DB'ing and pretty much everything else that has been suggested to you....well, good luck! I don't generally believe in luck....but, I think you're going to need lots of it. I don't think your going to find God in the place you are going. What did Jesus do when He was persecuted? Rage? No....He was very peaceful...forgiving...loving. As always, I am praying for you and your family!

I am DB'ng for me, not us. There can be no us without communication as a minimum. Rage is a survivalist attitude. trust me . I had to depend on it when I was younger to do what was needed and get by on just me. I am quite sure He was there with me the whole ride. No I am with God where I am right now. This decision came to me last night as I slept. that I must do something to force me forward and stop turning around. Please worry about me, not the people around me, that is my job and they are well protected by me and Him. The place I am now requires this attitude, for a time. Not forever, but for a time. You will see by furture posts. God has given me this message, I will do as I am instructed. He sees it as something I must do.

Thanks for the clarification, LonelyD!

I have something I would like for you to do that will help you....decode this message!

The answer isn't in the xyz's ....bxoybzbxuyczkxmyaznxaytzcxhyazrxtyezrxdyoztxnyeztx

You'll know what to do....

Sorry but I don't know wth is going on....I know that rage and love don't partner up much. I know rage prevents forgiveness, and you have to forgive, HAVE TO, to move on and heal. And forgiveness, for the 2345th time, is not about your w or even telling her. It's for YOU to do so you can be free. Not get her back, or "Win". But to be free b/c you sure aren't now. You are chained by your emotions right now. And you refuse to unlock the chains, and other than that, I am at a loss as to how to help you since I don't know what you're doing. It sounds a lot like an angry form of a pity party, but I don't know. You worry me.

I do know your kids are off the hook as far as I'm concerned. I have kids that age and younger. She lashed out at the parent who showed up. What's new?
Love her through this and heed FH's words. You are being given a gift from Him, via FH, and don't ignore it b/c you are angry. Has your anger really served you nearly as well as you think? Somehow, I doubt it. I mean, if it got you through a POW camp, great. But this is about relating to people you love. So, lose the "rage" and stop giving it all the power.

(( j ))

Thanks much. rage is scary when you hear it, my "rage" is controlled mostly. It is still an aggressive reaction to built up anger, but it is controlled and I don't plan on causing physical harm to anyone.

This "rage" is not the clinical rage. I t is how I turn my anger into energy I can use and direct my focus. I know its hard to believe, but it works. Love and rage are opposite ends of the emotion line, true. Forgiveness, well, I know I need to forgive,I know that, but I can't until I am over it. Rage is going to turn this around for me by not letting my emotions control my feelings or my life, for a time. It is already working. I may have the solution to my D17 school and I do not plan on calling W tomorrow about car ins, she doesn't have it. I would have called just to rub it in hoping she would break, or just to see if she was miserable knowing her car got repo'd. My rage won't let me. It keeps me angry enough to keep her at arms length, but gives the logic that why waste that energy and possibly get upset. thats what happened last time. My rage will not let my emotions control or enter the situation. I can reflect later and feel good or bad about what I did, but mostly I won't. The only way to get over this is to rage against the machine. this puts my mind set on one thing, getting over it. He is guiding me through this and it is already working. No I am not going to rage and kill or hurt someone, it is not that way. It is an internal rage that takes emotion out of the equation and replaces it with impulse to achieve.

I know it sounds crazy and illogical, but it has worked for me before, many, many years ago. I need to get on this walk and I can't if I am letting myself get mired down. D17 school issue may be resolved, my attitude is a little better and I will most likely read the DR book again this weekend during breaks.

I love my wife, woukld love her to love me, for us to be together and spend the rest of our lives in marital bliss. In her eyes and her min right now, it is never going to happen at any level or point in time. As you posted in gilda radners book, you can either accept it or let it worry you to death. My rage is the only emotion I have that will accept it. It will fuel itself on it and keep me focused on areas that need it. I am not mad at my W, I am angry, and rather than wear my emotion on my sleeve, I will build it inside, let it build into rage and use the enrgy to my advantage. My rage iwll keep me away from her, physically and emoitonally, which is where I need to be. This is His plan, I never would have gone to this , He knows whats best, He knows we need to walk and talk, He knows I can't get off th erock I am sitting on until I let it go and get over it. It is happening, I feel it. Rage is bad, very bad, but I have learned early in my life totake all the anger and pain and sorrow that builds into me and change things to my advantage, to make me better, without holding onto emotional baggage or concerns about what other people thnk or say. I knowwhats best for me right now, He has told me to walk, to stop the distracyion by any means, I am doing that. If I don't fight back from where I am, I will be lost forever. I will not die in here, I will live. My rage is what will save me, my anger and pain will bring me to my goals of happiness and peace. trust me.

This "rage" is not the clinical rage. I t is how I turn my anger into energy I can use and direct my focus. I know its hard to believe, but it works. Love and rage are opposite ends of the emotion line, true. Forgiveness, well, I know I need to forgive,I know that, but I can't until I am over it. Rage is going to turn this around for me by not letting my emotions control my feelings or my life, for a time. It is already working. I may have the solution to my D17 school and I do not plan on calling W tomorrow about car ins, she doesn't have it. I would have called just to rub it in hoping she would break, or just to see if she was miserable knowing her car got repo'd. My rage won't let me. It keeps me angry enough to keep her at arms length, but gives the logic that why waste that energy and possibly get upset. thats what happened last time. My rage will not let my emotions control or enter the situation. I can reflect later and feel good or bad about what I did, but mostly I won't. The only way to get over this is to rage against the machine. this puts my mind set on one thing, getting over it. He is guiding me through this and it is already working. No I am not going to rage and kill or hurt someone, it is not that way. It is an internal rage that takes emotion out of the equation and replaces it with impulse to achieve.

I know it sounds crazy and illogical, but it has worked for me before, many, many years ago. I need to get on this walk and I can't if I am letting myself get mired down. D17 school issue may be resolved, my attitude is a little better and I will most likely read the DR book again this weekend during breaks.

I love my wife, woukld love her to love me, for us to be together and spend the rest of our lives in marital bliss. In her eyes and her min right now, it is never going to happen at any level or point in time. As you posted in gilda radners book, you can either accept it or let it worry you to death. My rage is the only emotion I have that will accept it. It will fuel itself on it and keep me focused on areas that need it. I am not mad at my W, I am angry, and rather than wear my emotion on my sleeve, I will build it inside, let it build into rage and use the enrgy to my advantage. My rage iwll keep me away from her, physically and emoitonally, which is where I need to be. This is His plan, I never would have gone to this , He knows whats best, He knows we need to walk and talk, He knows I can't get off th erock I am sitting on until I let it go and get over it. It is happening, I feel it. Rage is bad, very bad, but I have learned early in my life totake all the anger and pain and sorrow that builds into me and change things to my advantage, to make me better, without holding onto emotional baggage or concerns about what other people thnk or say. I knowwhats best for me right now, He has told me to walk, to stop the distracyion by any means, I am doing that. If I don't fight back from where I am, I will be lost forever. I will not die in here, I will live. My rage is what will save me, my anger and pain will bring me to my goals of happiness and peace. trust me.

This "rage" is not the clinical rage. I t is how I turn my anger into energy I can use and direct my focus. I know its hard to believe, but it works. Love and rage are opposite ends of the emotion line, true. Forgiveness, well, I know I need to forgive,I know that, but I can't until I am over it. Rage is going to turn this around for me by not letting my emotions control my feelings or my life, for a time. It is already working. I may have the solution to my D17 school and I do not plan on calling W tomorrow about car ins, she doesn't have it. I would have called just to rub it in hoping she would break, or just to see if she was miserable knowing her car got repo'd. My rage won't let me. It keeps me angry enough to keep her at arms length, but gives the logic that why waste that energy and possibly get upset. thats what happened last time. My rage will not let my emotions control or enter the situation. I can reflect later and feel good or bad about what I did, but mostly I won't. The only way to get over this is to rage against the machine. this puts my mind set on one thing, getting over it. He is guiding me through this and it is already working. No I am not going to rage and kill or hurt someone, it is not that way. It is an internal rage that takes emotion out of the equation and replaces it with impulse to achieve.

I know it sounds crazy and illogical, but it has worked for me before, many, many years ago. I need to get on this walk and I can't if I am letting myself get mired down. D17 school issue may be resolved, my attitude is a little better and I will most likely read the DR book again this weekend during breaks.

I love my wife, woukld love her to love me, for us to be together and spend the rest of our lives in marital bliss. In her eyes and her min right now, it is never going to happen at any level or point in time. As you posted in gilda radners book, you can either accept it or let it worry you to death. My rage is the only emotion I have that will accept it. It will fuel itself on it and keep me focused on areas that need it. I am not mad at my W, I am angry, and rather than wear my emotion on my sleeve, I will build it inside, let it build into rage and use the enrgy to my advantage. My rage iwll keep me away from her, physically and emoitonally, which is where I need to be. This is His plan, I never would have gone to this , He knows whats best, He knows we need to walk and talk, He knows I can't get off th erock I am sitting on until I let it go and get over it. It is happening, I feel it. Rage is bad, very bad, but I have learned early in my life totake all the anger and pain and sorrow that builds into me and change things to my advantage, to make me better, without holding onto emotional baggage or concerns about what other people thnk or say. I knowwhats best for me right now, He has told me to walk, to stop the distracyion by any means, I am doing that. If I don't fight back from where I am, I will be lost forever. I will not die in here, I will live. My rage is what will save me, my anger and pain will bring me to my goals of happiness and peace. trust me.

Sorry for the multiple repeats.

YOU WROTE, in parts, the following :


Sorry if this confuses the heck out of me. But I think we use the word RAGE here quite differently. Your fury, or whatever it is, does not sound like love or the road to forgiveness. Either use a new word or face the fact that you sound incredibly confused and not at all clear. I'm a bit of a wordsmith, if I say so myself. And you are one confused guy. Which is understandable. But be careful with your children's hearts. The thing they need from you most now is stability and love. THEIR needs emotionally must come first. That is the one guiding principle God told me clearly the whole time. WHen you pray for guidance, that part should be clear.
hope it is. Forget about your w and om for now. They're in the Australian bush and you can't reach them AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU SEE HIS TRUCK...that's not the point of the analogy...

Lose the anger and start healing...I think what you may be trying to say is that anger is what is allowing you to start to detach, finally. I hope so. Otherwise I worry if you own guns and I'm a big 2nd amendment type, fyi.
(( j ))