Wow. That second letter got a great reaction from him! That's so awesome. It sounds like you really got a few things out and felt better for it. It also sounds like he might have heard you.
I think the second communication technique worked better LOL.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Why do you let him off the hook with a verbal response to your very thoughtful letters? He should write an equally thoughtful letter back explaining the answers to the questions. These letters are another example of you doing all the work, and him just making minimal gestures in return.
Kalni, my friend. My Greek Goddess of the Sunshine.
I'm so saddened by your pain. I know you hurt and I know you want this to work. We've privately talked about what you're giving up for this and I know your pain.
I can't figure it out, but I simply enjoy reading FGs posts to you. They are so clear to me and he seems to know you so very well. I simply agree w/him 100% - you need to be you again and let the rest follow.
What FG said to me in his post to you is he needs to feel the warmth of your glow. You need to be the Sunshine. I agree.
You've seemed to have forgotten how wonderful you are when you allow yourself to shine, my dear. Do whatever it is that is necessary to be the Sunshine. I want you to do it for you, but if you can't, do it for the ones you love and in time, you'll realize you ARE doing it for you.
My energy is down b/c you are hurting, but I've got a weird, quirky smile on my face when I think of FGs words and I type. He's got it, my love.
Sara, I am taking your advice. You suggested this before, I didnt think it was the right time to ask for a letter then since he didnt feel like writing one. I think it is the right time now. It will be interesting to see if he will do it and if he does how he will express his feelings/thoughts. Thanks for reminding me (any suggestions based on your experience are most welcome).
Girls, thanks. That letter is the 6th-7th I have sent him. Some of these letters were filled with warmth and "love" on purpose to make him relax and help him "see the light". I am not expecting this one willl have a bigger impact...
Rob, what I have in me, what you have "seen" and what FG talks about, I am loosing when I am with him. That is not a very good sign, is it? Oh...well, soon the facts will be hard to deny. Either way. Why trouble myself so much? xxxx K
I followed Sara's suggestion and sent a short one-line email saying, "I want you to write to me what your thoughts/expectations etc are regarding what you read and in general. That way I will not interrupt you and you are far better in writing than talking as we both know...".
I got a reply " I will write you" and "check these out" links to two hotels on a mountain close to Athens. He says he wants just the two of us to go there this weekend if I can find a babysitter for the kids... (see:MY kids!!! LOL!!).
Sounds good K. You WILL go to the hotel with him won't you? I am so glad he said he will write to you. I always like letters because you can re-read them. Sometimes after a 'big' conversation I have trouble remembering certain parts. With a letter you can read it over and over again if you want to...
You said yesterday you didn't know which 'tools' got an effect with your H. I would say that this last one did.
Yay!!!! I am so glad you have discovered a way to reach him or make some progress... thats fantastic news! Brilliant that he suggested a mountain retreat too! But whats that about hte kids? Did yuo mean that he is perfectly able to find a babysitter.. thy're not just yours! Funny.
I wonder what his letter will say? You sound more hopeful, as in a previous post you were sounding like you felt things were not going well and it was inevitable, why worry?
Sweetie - get a babysitter (look at it not as him saying it's only your responsibility, look at it as he trusts your judgement in sitters better than his own), go to the mountains, and find your passion again. Be together, talk together, hold each other.....JUST DO IT!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I hope he will take the time to write you a letter. His response sounds quite positive. Now, if you go on the weekend, I wish you would take my other advice too, and just break through the ice that's surrounding your relationship.
I am so glad he said he will write to you. I always like letters because you can re-read them. Sometimes after a 'big' conversation I have trouble remembering certain parts. With a letter you can read it over and over again if you want to...