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Oh my Jeff, my garage needs to be cleaned too. It's too cold to do it now. I have been trying to clean it for 3 years and was hoping my h would jump in and offer to help, but oh well Spring might just be what I need.

You can't worry about OM because you can't do anything about that. Your W I am sure will tire of it all. She seems to have gotten to that point already. Let her fix that on her own.

Stay busy, but be happy and NICE!

Jeff, you are doing so good. Stay positive!

Thanks T,

Kind of interesting, I was talking to one of my buddies over lunch and he was asking me about my sitch. I told him, and he thinks I am a bit crazy. He did say that he respected me for that because I am honouring my vows etc. and doesn't but that he would kick his wifes @ss out the door. So it's nice that other people notice as well because it shows that the changes are real.

So I guess I should have expected it, she went skiing this morning as my earlier post said. I went to my buddy's 40 th birthday party. I didn't speak to or text her all day but while I was at the party she texted me when was I going to be home because she thinks she is too drunk and won't make it home...WTF. (Just had to get that out). I sent back a text stating not sure when I will be home but our dog will be ok, be safe.

She replied I will (smiley face) hope you have a good night.

I replied thanks talk to you later. (smiley face).

What I wanted to reply would not be so pleasant because I suspect she was skiing at OM resort condo and that is were she is staying tonight. We were supposed to go skiing together Sunday but looks like that won't happen . So I am going to go on my own if she says she can't make it.

I know once again I can't give OM my energy but man I am lonely.
While at the b-day party I saw the love between my friend and his wife, and I guess I was a bit jealous. people wanted me to talk to some different woman but that wasn't my gig. I socialized and realized I have alot to offer. My goal is still my wife. I guess I am feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight, we all get to have bad days despite some positive stuff.

Oh Well tommorow is another day.

Cheers

jeff

Jeff,

Sorry that your going through this tonight, to be honest I would not have texted her back.You cannot stop her frome what she is doing , but you don't have to put up with her bs, that is why it is so hard onthe expectations.We glimpse a millisecond of normalcy and let our guard down. I will pray for you.Try and get some sleep.

Thanks for the prayers craig.

So, my w didn't come home last night as expected. I didn't expect to go skiing with her today so I went to church this morning which was helpful. During the service she texted me ( I had my phone on silent). because I wasn't responding she texted were r u? she asked if I would be mad if we didn't go skiing. I expected it. She said her head hurt and was hung over. I didn't respond until after the service. I said no problem I am going to head up to the ski hill and drop our dog of at her mothers. She texted who you going with. I joked just me and my car I need to practice my skills.

I wanted her to see that I am not just waiting around for her plus I wanted to go skiing.

I went skiing by myself and had a blast it was just what the doctor ordered. Later she texted me I am so sorry I was looking forward to skiing with you. I replied we can do it another day I needed to practice so I can keep up with her. (trying to show I didn't care and make a joke). She replied back tommorow night? I didn't reply right away but finally said ok. On the way home she texted me again that night skiing would be fun and she would try to get off work early.

She told me that she was just leaving the town were the ski hill was and consequently Om condo. She had interjected that the girls were making fun of her hang over. Don't know if she was telling the truth or trying to deflect and she was there with just him. I am really trying not to think about it but right now my gut is churning and I really know that I should have zero expectations but as Craig said I let my guard down and got burnt a bit. Oh well I have to remain focused

I picked up the dog and went home. I saw my w we had a pleasant conversation and she even said that she was going to pay for my skiing because I had bought the groceries this week.

She then said she was going to a friends to watch 24 (she didn't say who which in the past usually means other man.) Out the door she went. I have no expectations of going tomorrow but will be positive and have a back up plan. I can go to a cooking class that I wanted to go to. She is treating me like a friend I guess I need not to have expectations. I have not raised a stink about the weekend and have not even talked about were she was, she probably was expecting an angry response, certainly not the acting as if it was nothing. If we go tomorrow I will just use it as one more positive contact. I am trying to keep zero pressure on her. Funny, she was telling me that her mother has been wanting us to get back together and she was irritated about it, I said you don't need that pressure, she seemed to appreciate it and said ya your right.

When I went to her mothers to pick up the dog I tried to tactfully say to her mother that my wife doesn't need pressure right now and that I am not giving her pressure I want her to have a clear mind to think. I hope she got the message because my wife doesn't want to talk to her right now because of the pressure.

Even funnier my wife was asking me to cover for her when I talked to her mother saying she was busy right now and can't talk. I am hoping it is because she is feeling comfortable with me now.

Any way I have rambled again I have no Idea what is going on right now , back and forth as expected but I am still DBing and will have back up plans when she cancels stuff so that I won't be disappointed and she sees that I can have fun without her and have a life of my own.

I am going to go to bed before she gets home I don't want her to think I am waiting up for her.

Cheers all
I am goi

Ok so I screwed up here is what I have learned. I had too much contact this week I need to back off. She was acting inappropriate this weekend so when I went skiing by myself I should have turned off my phone and not be available tell her I will talk to her when she gets home.

Don't be so quick to tell her that I am going by myself ,just say I am not sure yet.

Don't change my plans when she asked me if I wanted to go skiing Monday instead I should have said thanks but I already have plans like the cooking class I had planned on.

I am going to my parents in the morning and I am going to tell her hey I am going to clear my head so I am going to turn my phone off. You are the only one I want to her from so if you need to get a hold of me you can call me at my parents. I need to be less available.

What I did by answering all her texts was validate bad behavior. She felt guilty about not going skiing with me a probably being at OM. By not answering her messages it would have sent the message with out a verbal confrontation. I wish I was better at this! My responses or lack of could have been a good opportunity to DB.

I have to be stronger and do stuff for me that is why I feel like s@#t. I was a pushover this weekend, but at least I went skiing anyway.

Jeff,

It's good that you notice this. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Just keep it in mind and remember it for next time.

Jeff,
I wouldn't even tell her why I was turning my phone off because you need to go somewhere to clear your head. You are volunteering too much info about who you are with and what you are doing. She knows that your pond will be there and knows that you are there for her. So, to shake her up a bit, just cut the phone off, do not answer it until you are ready to come home. She needs to understand that you are not there at her beck and call.

You'll learn the ropes as you move along the path.

Jeff,

Your W is in replay now. She's going to party and she won't care how it affects you. I think you need to be more vague when you answer her. The more mysterious you are the more she'll want to be with you.

I remember what my W's GF told me after I went a day without calling my W. She told me that my W kept trying to figure out where I went. Then when my W called me, I told her I had to go. Even though I was at the movies alone, I wasn't going to let her know it.

They notice, but they're not going to let you know their watching. Try to be vague of your whereabouts and keep her wondering. Soon the OM won't seem so interesting.

Good Luck,

Fixer