I am following your sitch closely. My heart aches for you. The only remedies for the pain your are feeling that I know of are:
(1) strengthen your faith, if you get a chance listen to the song, Bring the Rain by MercyMe, very appropriate for you and your faith right now; (2) continue working on you in earnest to be a better Christian, person, man, father, friend...everything; this work is your gift to you and if your W turns out to be your XW, in some ways, you'll owe her a debt of gratitude for getting you moving in the right direction to improve both YOU and your life; (3) find new hobbies and/or interests to divert your attention away from your W's middle school tryst; it won't last, but YOU will. You are an initiator, not just a survivor.
I closing tonight, I do say that having a need to be on this board sucks. My prayers are with you to be strong and to survive this mess well, but to live while you are surviving...that is the key.
Talk to you soon.
Tom
Last edited by still hopeful; 01/12/0908:38 AM.
Letting Go Tom; JUST DO IT! previously hopeful_husband
my A: Fall 05 W found out: Feb 06; separated immediately W pursued D, final 7/11/07
This is some very good advice from Tom. I think you especially need to put some effort into #3. If the girls are with W every Thursday evening, then make that your night to pursue something you want to do. Take a class, join a club, volunteer somewhere. Get out of that house and get somewhere where you can interact with other people.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You'll be surprised where it will take you.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
STBXW: Oh, I'm taking D17.9 to her hair appt at 1 pm today and I wanted to come over earlier and print some more of my business cards and brochures if that's ok with you. (Note: Last night D17.9 asked me to take her to the appt.)
Me: That's ok with me.
STBXW: Are you sure, I'll be in your space then?
Me: (chuckling) It's ok for you to be in my space.
STBXW: Ok. Also, D13's Anime drawing class starts tonight. If you want I can take her there and pick her up (6:30 - 7:30, and of course I was prepared to take her)
Me: That would be nice, why don't you do that then.
STBXW: Ok then I'll come by and pick her up.
Me: Ok, great. Bye.
She comes by and prints her stuff. As always she messes up the 'which way to turn over the brochure to print the second side'. I end up helping her. At one point we're standing staring at the printer waiting while it is 'warming up'. She doesn't look at me. So I look at her and say "Isn't this exciting watching the printer warm up!". She still doesn't look at me. Then I make another joke and she finally looks at me and smiles but looks away quickly.
Then she gets a call on her cell, and a few minutes later says she got a massage scheduled for 5 pm and could I drop off D13 to her class and she will pick her up. I said that would be fine and she says she could use the money. I agreed that money is 'good'.
It's nice that she offers to drive the girls to appointments because she knows that it takes time out of my workday. I know that is her primary motivation, she feels guilty I have to do everything.
During the entire exchange I felt very uncomfortable but 'faked it'.
No you don't. If it was yours you would know, you think it is hers. Little stick whack. Stop knowing your wife, you don't.
I asked you why you were doing what you did, and I am glad that you answered for you. That is important...so is consistency. Nothing says wishy-washy like flip flopping. But do for you Frank, for what you want.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
No you don't. If it was yours you would know, you think it is hers. Little stick whack. Stop knowing your wife, you don't.
Good point. I don't know. It's not like she won't see the girls and driving them to appointments would be 'normal' if the family were intact.
Quote:
I asked you why you were doing what you did, and I am glad that you answered for you. That is important...so is consistency. Nothing says wishy-washy like flip flopping. But do for you Frank, for what you want.
It might be time to wean her from your printer (and technical assistance). Printers are cheap now days. One thing I have learned in my business is that if you readily give assistance for something that the person can do on their own, they will keep coming back to you without trying it themselves.
One thing I have learned in my business is that if you readily give assistance for something that the person can do on their own, they will keep coming back to you without trying it themselves.
You do know there are only 10 types of people in the world:
