Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? New Year New Goals

Different color paint on each wall? You got me thinking now as I have on my list to do some interior painting. I think I will pass on construction cone orange.

BobbiJo, that sounded like a very optimistic talk. I think this is a great plan for now - let him really face life on his own and find himself. Are you willing to hang in there for a lot longer?

Kerry I have been "hanging in there" for almost 17 years! Ok honestly yes I will hang in there. I won't broadcast that to Dan. I am going to take the next several months to work on BBJ, keep up those running goals, etc. But I won't make myself available for dating or any of that stuff. Just focus on what I need in my life and on making my kids happy. I am already planning a trip back to Kansas City as the kids have been wanting to go. They don't know I am planning, it will be a surprise for them. Nathan has a Friday off school in March so I will take them then.

BBJ


Wow, sounds like a lot is going on. It's good he is going. It does stink for the kiddos though. But, ultimately I think this will be the deciding seperation for you both. Can he fix himself? It sounds like he is trying. He sees he is flawed. That is the first step.

I don't agree with you getting in anymore financial burdens with him though. I drew the line on that. My H wanted "us" to buy a marina (2 million) while we were seperated. He had all kinds of money making ideas and suggestions....I would never bite off on it though. He agree to rent the first 6 months we were seperated and then assess the situation.

Do you think there is OW in the picture?



PS:

I wanted to add that there is no way in heck that we have the money to afford anything he was suggesting. Not even close. We couldn't really afford the apartment he was at. We are still recovering financially from all the furniture and debts incurred. I wouldn't let him take furniture from the house. That was ours,not his and he chose to leave it. Plus if he ever came back he couldnt bring it back to my house as it would have been contaminated by the OW. Nothing came back from the apartment except my H.

BobbiJo I am amazed that Dan was able to give that much clarity in your discussion. Amazed and encouraged. Are you? He seems to now realize that HE is the problem in this M and that he needs to work on his issues before any of the issues in your M can be addressed. Good for him and you!

Working on you is the most important thing you can do now for you and your kids.

KC sounds like a fun thing to do with the kids. How long a drive is that from where you are?

BBJ,

Just reading along as usual...sounds like the communication level has increased dramatically. I think this seperation will do you alot of good. I am not sure what you should or will tell the kids however. I know you will get good advice here. We were lucky that we had a semi decent story to tell D8 that she bought at the time. This way she only got the speech once....
I hope things turn around for you BBJ...you have been fighting for so long.

Thinking of you. It's all good news

As agreed with Dan I talked to the school counselor at my school today. He knows Nathan as he goes into his classroom once a week. Dan and I agreed to follow his advice on when to tell the kids.

He says tell them now. Don't wait until Dan has his house all re-done. Otherwise he will get suspicious and try to figure out what is going on all on his own. It actually felt good b/c everything I talked to the counselor about, it sounded like he agreed with my thoughts on how to approach things. Even on what we tell them.

H was wanting to tell them that he was unhappy and needed some time and space to be happy again. I told H that Nathan would assume he was the reason for H's unhappiness and he had to leave us to be happy which meant he had to leave Nathan to be happy. H said no way that isn't what I mean at all. I said I know but that is how a 6 year old will interpret it.

Counselor said i was right on. I said we should tell the kids mommy and daddy are having trouble getting along and we need a break. Just like Nathan sometimes needs a break from a friend if they have been arguing. That it has nothing to do with him or sissy, that mommy and daddy just need to take a break so we can try to learn how to get along. Counselor said that was a good way to say it.

So I am thinking we tell Nathan on Saturday. I would rather do it then so his emotions don't interfere with getting his orange karate belt on Friday. That might seem silly but getting his first ever colored belt in karate is a big deal to him and I don't want to mess it up.

Good plan on letting Nathan and S.y.d. in on the separation.

It is enevitable that friends, relatives and town folk will also find out soon.

Good thoughts BBJ. Nathan's little world has been rocked enough. No sense in possibly damaging his concentration for his belt. The sense of accomplishment in getting that belt is huge! Good luck to him. Also, doing it on Saturday would give him two days to process it before he has to go back to school as well.

What form does he have to do for his belt?

Yes, I told Dan that the day he sets foot in his new house it will be all over town...another reason not to hide it from the kids.