M, If the talk ever takes place, listen, sift through the BS and validate his feelings about himself, the situation, you and the family. I would never recommend validating the op in this kind of setting. The focus has to be on him and his perceptions at the time.
For now, try to take it easy and take care of yourself. If he comes over, I will be surprised.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H told D15 that he is coming over today. Great, and all the kids will be gone as they are all going their own ways--movies, shopping, work and I will be in my room-ALONE.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
H just texted D15 who is crying her eyes out because:
H said he has stomach problems and cannot come over.
She is so upset because she made plans to meet her friends and now she cannot go because I have no car as S18 is working.
Your thoughts..............
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Oh my! I'm not surprised he's got issues with his stomach. He should be asking himself why his stomach is the way it is. The guilt is really getting to him.
See if your daughter can get a rid w/someone else who is meeting up w/her friends. If not, she's going to have to stay home this one time. She's been a very lucky lady to have someone to drive her places, but there are times when plans have to be changed.
I'm sorry you are having to deal w/this mess.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She cant get a ride as they are all underage and are already there. I feel for her because she is the one that rarely goes out.
Maybe my words got the best of H?????
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Something got him thinking and his little tummy upset.
I'm sorry about your daughter. Maybe next time she will need to have a back up plan as she cannot rely on her father to be there all of the time. It's a shame that the car has to be utilized all of the time by your son.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Oh MWG, I am not at all suprised he was a no show and stomach troubles, par for the course these days. I am sorry for your daughter,like Snod says maybe she needs to have back up plans after all her Dad is not to be relied on. Is there any way you could get your car back from son, I don't mean now but in the future.
He is earning now and working full time so maybe he could get an old banger to get himself about, after all not that many kids get full use of the family car(ie mums car) you have to consider the girls after all they have a lot to contend with these days. Ah life it's never easy is it. I do hope you are not feeling guilty for speaking out alittle-remember this is not your fault.(((())))
everyone was betting after he said you all needed a talk that the tummy would kick in...quite predictable isnt he.
i think its time you take car back from son.its your car...let H drive him to work after all he isnt working..let h deal with son.....give him some responsibilty or he can give you a car to use.....
your h has life too cushy....its all according to him when he comes and goes, where he lives i think you need to take your familys life back. Youre right god doesnt condone the life style he has chosen to continue....he hides behind gods forgiveness and yours.....
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Please do not feel guilty for having finally found your voice. You have been so patient and have been putting up with so much for so long.
I am amazed that you have been so quiet for so long.
It's OK to rock the boat.........just don't tip the boat over!!
I do agree that your Husband needs to be shaken in some way. His self entitlement is making too many people suffer. Not only you and the children, but even the OW and her family.
He has built a house of cards, and eventually they will fall. This is probably something along the lines of what he is talking about. Someone is going to get hurt.
I know you want your home to be a place of sanctuary for him, BUT there are absolutely no boundaries for this Man. He may come and go whenever he pleases.
There are no consequences for him, no rules.
It is NOT for you to punish him, but he does need to know that you are no longer going to tolerate being treated like second best.
I have no doubt that the Man loves you, and that he has "issues" right now which prevent him from seeing things logically.
But even a dog knows not to [censored] in his own house.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
