Saw that you were still hanging out here (mine is over in Hopefulness and I started a new thread after six months of inactivity). Since we appear to be in roughly in the same spot in our journeys, I hope you (and anyone else who may be interested) can stop by...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
[Basically I was thinking of a slow divorce. Just civilly start separating our stuff. And live like we have been until we do dicide to divorce. but I will no longer be committed
What do you mean about no longer being committed, and acting divorced until you "decide to divorce"? Are you just looking for an excuse to date others without actually having to be divorced? Are you daring her to date others? Are you trying to threaten and manipulate her to change so she'll start acting the way you want her to so you don't go through the divorce?
I just don't understand what you are trying to do...
The whole situation sounds really uncomfortable, wishy washy and unhealthy to me.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
The whole situation sounds really uncomfortable, wishy washy and unhealthy to me.
Tell me about it I am living it.
Ok I just got back from handing out food at the homeless shelter and then I took my mom to her Doctor. He said she is doing fine.She needs to keep the pump on for another two weeks but she can start driving if she wants.
So let me see if I can tell ya root what I think is going on.
Wife does not want a divorce. But she does not want to be "married".
Me I don'twant a divorce either but I want to be "married"
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
Are you just looking for an excuse to date others without actually having to be divorced? Are you daring her to date others?
No I am not looking for an excuse to date. I have been a "house dog" for so long I would not know where to start. As for her? I really do not think she wants to date either. It is just that she has no feelings for me.(as she put it). How can someone (me) commit to someone who will not commit? I have done that for two years now. If I wanted to just go out and have sex then What has stopped me for the last two years? my Morals, My commitment, My Vows.
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
Are you trying to threaten and manipulate her to change so she'll start acting the way you want her to so you don't go through the divorce?
Manipulate"? NO but I want her (and myself) to really see what this divorce will have on our family. You see I have NEVER done anything without looking into the "collateral damage" that would happen. NOTHING I mean even taking a day off from work I would make sure others would not be put out. I guess that is one of the reasons I could not have an affair. TO be perfectly honest there is a person that I do have feelings for but she is married. I believe she has feeling for me also. BUT I COULD NEVER DO THAT TO HER OR MY FAMILY. It's kind of like that nice car. I really would like to have it but I can't. I do forgive W for what happened. AND exposing what she did to ANYONE would be a last resort. See again I am looking out for the "collateral damage". One thing about being the LBS..I know I could get all of the sympathy and support I wanted. BUT I also know it will be difficult for wife to face any of our friends again because they are all married. They will find it difficult to understand the betrayal. So NO I am not trying to "manipulate" wife. That would be like calling her fat all of the time just to get her to lose weight. Instead I am letting her eat the cake. Let her get fat. Then ask her "what did you expect to happen? You said "acting divorced until you "decide to divorce"?
We have been acting married for the last two years. What is the difference?
You know When My son wants to do something and I tell him if he does "this will happen" (most likely because I already had done it and know). But he insists on doing it. After a few times I just say "ok go ahead but I warned you". Sometimes people (including myself) just can't learn from others mistakes. NO mater what they read or hear they just have to experience it themselves. Well that is where we are are. my wife and myself will be going though this. I have acted Married and that has not worked so maybe acting divorced will... Hey I have been told if something does not work try something else..
Me
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Had a little talk with W. Just a little chit chat. I asked her how the job search was going. She said there were some jobs she was going to try for but they did not pay much. I told her anything would be more that you are getting now. I then asked her how getting her out of sleeping in son's room is comming along. She said she is working on it. I said that great, just wanted to know that progress was being made. So I am satisfied for now. This weekend I will ask agian how it's going. If nothing happens by Next weekend then I will push and ask what is the problem she is having and if there is anything I can do to help.
Bye Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Okay, I see what you are saying. I fully understand your reluctance to actually D because it is difficult and it will effect your child and the R with him....
But what do you mean by not having a committment? What exactly does that mean? And how will it change the relationship you currently have with her? I guess I just don't understand specifically what you are doing... like you are trying to be at some middle ground where you are still married, but not married... maybe mentally not married, but legally married? But that's even more of a "lie" then living like you are married, but it's unhappy.
But I understand you are trying to grasp for something while still being cautious. And I understand you don't want to hurt anyone... I think that's good.
Do you see this married person you have feelings for often?
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
