Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Midwestern Girl 01/05/09

Changing it up a bit means saying what is on my mind. And also not be around when he is here.

I am not saying be mean, but let him know that enough is enough by voicing my feelings. If it were just MLC and no OW, then maybe I can handle this differently but this affair has been going on for almost five years now and we have known for almost four years.

(((MWG)))
I am so sorry things have not been good with you. You REALLY do deserve so much better.
Sending my prayers,
TOH

You are right MWG it is different when they are having an A. You don't need to be mean, but that is good you don't need to be around him either.

Keep praying that Hedge of Thorns prayer. That worked most recently for getting my h to move.

Hugs!

THanks, all for listening to me.

I was not mean to h yesterday as it was a casual conversation. He did ask if I thought God does not forgive him and I said that I cannot answer that because I do not know and that what also makes it hard for me to answer that is a continuation of willfully doing what goes against how God instructs him to live his life.

I am going to be out of sight out of mind for awhile with regard to him.

D15 came into my room pretty late lastnight and said she texted her dad about taking her and picking her up from the movies but that she did not hear from him. I told her I could not help her there and that I would not have a car as S18 will be working from early afternoon til late at night.

So far, I am okay today.

Hi MWG, I think this is going to be hard for you to do, as you have always been there for him when he comes and goes and it will go against your natural inclinations but I hope you can do this for your sake and his.
You could be here 5 years from now with nothing changed and you need to do this for your own health and long term well being.
You have given him "the word" he apparently knows it and still chooses this path, so you are scriptually correct in "shaking the dust from your shoes" and leaving him be.
Jesus told his disciples to do exactly that if I recall correctly.
You still working at the shop you haven't mentioned it in a while.
I hope your week end goes well. Stay comitted to your plan.

I have been immersed in my other project which has been great. The other place was closed three days this week and I was not scheduled to work at all so I had the week to do whatever....

And that is what I will be doing today when H comes over, IF he comes over. It will be interesting to see if he is a no show.

M,
Your h is far too comfortable in his life, i.e., coming to your home, sitting around, watching tv, sitting outside and just thinking. He could be in this position for quite some time and there is no harm in doing some 180s now.

Go on w/your normal routine, just as if he weren't visiting. Do what you need to do to get your house cleaned, laundry done and if you fix something to eat, do the norm....nothing special for him. He really does need to see that life does go on and no one is going to stop and hold his hand forever.

BTW, not surprised to hear that he's watching tv. I don't think he's watching it all of the time. I think he's napping. Also, running errands and shopping, I don't believe that one. He's just telling you that. He doesn't have the "strength" to do those things on his own. He does them w/the girls or you, but not alone.

M, be kind to yourself...do what you need to do to get to the next level of patience. Step back a good distance and allow God to assist you in those 180s.

Thanks, Snodderly.

Yeah and he wants to have "a talk" with me as this cannot keep going the way it is and he is in a "lose lose" situation because someone will get hurt.

I told my kids that he may want to divorce me eventually and they said for me to get real as that ain't gonna happen.

Personally, there is nothing to talk about, the damage has been done and he does it over and over.

Like I told him in my text message lastnight, he sticks a knife in me everyday he is with someone else and that I am dead in his mind and heart.

So, he wants to have a talk, does he? Well, let him talk and you just listen for a bit. It's going to be one of those talks that you may need to keep quiet at first and then come back and revisit later.

No one knows what he wants to do with his life. He doesn't know himself. Right now, he's wallowing in depression and feeling sorry for himself and the mess he's gotten himself into. He's paralyzed and can't move ahead. He's like the hamster on the wheel that goes round and round with no stops in between.

Step totally back and let the wheel turn until he gets tired of running on it.

So sit back, listen, say uh huh and that is it? LOL--have you ever heard of a Greek not having something to say??? Just kidding but I know what you are saying: don't believe all what you hear but watch their actions type of thing. He did say some of what he will say is going to be hurtful toward me.