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You GO GIRL!!!! Cinders I am so happy for you. I wish
All the best that life has to offer STAND up and BE PROUD of who you've become. Congratulations!!!
TOH

Hi Cinders, thanks for stopping by my thread. Glad to see you are doing well!

Hi guys,

Doing well, had lunch with H today, close to his office. BIG step for me to go there ALONE, but I did fine ! H is very strong with words, he can grab a point I make and change it so, that I don't even remember why I even thought of making that point. I didn't let him this time, I stood my ground, told him how I felt about him and ow taking baths with our kids, told him I thought it was inappropriate behaviour. Of course he disagreed. It didn't matter to me this time, they are my morals and values, I choose to live by them, even though he may not. I said my peace about it.

Apparently S5 told H this weekend that he 'has to come home now' there were many emotions, D10 cried, H cried, well they all had a cry and H told them he was never going to come home. D10 told him that evenso, that is her biggest wish. She is entitled to it. I have told her it may never come true, but that one should not just discard wishes on that account.

H told me he thinks I am putting the kids up against ow. He spoke some truths, I was irritated the other day when S5 asked to speak to ow on the phone when his dad had called to say goodnight. And I told the kids about my irritation....wrong move, I realize that now. But I am only human and sometimes it's hard not to show emotions. SO, I have talked to the kids, told them that it is ok with me for them to like or love the ow. That mommy does not feel that way, but that I can understand they might and that it is ok for me, to have them feel that way ! I told them that I will love them ANYWAY and ALWAYS. I told them that mommy and daddy don't fit together as well as before and that mommy does not want daddy back right now and maybe never. I told them it may be painful for them, but that it was how I felt.
I think I tried my best to set them free. I aim to do so from now on. As for H and his ways with them, I will leave that up to God. Leave it up to the kids themselves maybe one day. But it is no longer my concern. I know he loves them, he just lives differently.

He told me ow has done nothing but accomodate me and tried to empathize with me and my situation and feelings. I told him it was sweet of him to think so, but that I was sure she was not doing it for ME, but for HIM ! He seemed shocked. Then again, he still has no clue.

The discussion went from good to bad, to good, to bad, to good. I even told him that I felt he had some levels of narcism. He laughed (of course). I said my peace, I stood my ground, I was proud of ME, and he ....well he hasn't changed...still wants his way, still feels the world revolves around him, still thinks ow is the best person ever, still loves her, still thinks he's made the best choice in life. That's ok.

I did see and feel how he is starting to miss the kids, more and more. He no longer spoke of always being happy. He looked tired and worn. He is fighting his demons so hard. I hope that one day God will be able to hold his hand and help him through it.

I drove off knowing that I've grown, that I've moved on, that I'm happy with who I am, and what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. The pain will remain, even though it will get a different place in my heart. I thank the pain, for showing me the joys.

We slightly touched on how we used to love each other, on how passionate and challenging our relationship was. It was melancholic.
He saw an aquaintance of his flirt with me, right before his eyes.
He saw the confidence in me and must have felt challenged by it.

I felt victorious over my hurt and pain, and felt the glory of my new life.

Thank you friends, thank you God.
Bless you all. xxxx

What a beautiful, inspirational post.

Hooray for you to speak with the courage of your convictions.

And not with malice or selfishness or spite, simply from your heart, for your sake and for your children.

And how wonderful that you could see through his silly, self-serving words, but not take it personally, recognize it simply as more evidence that he is not the partner or friend that you have grown to deserve and want in your life.

Congratulations, Cinders...on with your fabulous journey!
BmfA

This is only the beginning Cinders.

Your life will be abundantly blessed.

Don't you dare think that he is happy.

Who cares anyway..... right?

He will continue to be amazed how you grow.

He has a child, you are a woman.

Cinders,
What a wonderful and inspirational posting. Look how much you've grown and far you've come! You stood your ground and no one can say he didn't listen and notice the change in you. He tried to sway you a few times, but you stood your ground.

Nothing but the best is yet to come. I'm very, very proud of you!

Hi Cinders,
You have grown so much! I admire you. This sentence made me cry as I was thinking of my R. I still have difficulties coming to terms with my sitch.

I also find the way you handle the sitch with your kids and OW amazing. You are such a wonderful mother.

Take care and have a lovely week. (((HUGS)))

Cinders, Your H sounds a lot like mine. They have a lot of growing up to do. I don't know if I want to wait that long but am leaning towards not.

I miss having someone love ME. Someone crazy about ME.

I made a huge DB mistake (once again) but I guess we are all human and humans screw up once in a while, especially when the hart is hurt.

Have been wanting to 'fix' my mistake with H, but I know that any 'fixing' will only lead to even more misunderstanding and arguing about who sees things the way they actually are...
So it's not possible to have that 'conversation'. It kills me that I can't 'solve' it. But I guess this is what many of us call part of letting go.

I am taking myself to the movies with some friends to find distraction from it all.

Take care xxx

have a wonderful time at the movies Cinders! What are you going to see?

I understand the missing having someone to love you and care what happens to you. It is dreadful to feel cut off from those feelings. You'll have them again someday when the time is right. Of course, I guess you would have to be rid of the H first, huh? And you don't want that.