Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? New Year New Goals

(((((((((BobbiJo))))))))
It strikes me that you are just a touch (well, maybe a really big touch!) ahead of him on the maturity scale.

I agree that you didn't do anything wrong. On the other hand, I expect that he felt it was pressuring. I think that is because, at some level, he doesn't want to be there. Yuck.

That is what I have decided.

If my wanting my husband to sleep in the bed with me is, in his eyes:

*pressuring
*annoying
*needy (are you SERIOUS! needy to want to sleep with your spouse?)

Then that is clearly HIS problem, not mine. Put on the big boy pants and get going....

Of course this is all assuming. Maybe he wants to discuss buying a new mattress....yeah...that's it

That's it!

I'm pretty needy myself!

Count me in in the needy group...

What is it with these men? I just cant understand them anymore...They want only what can be given with no "strings attached". Easy but also very very boring since happiness, joy and satisfaction require effort and are definitely worth fighting for...
xxx
K

OK..here's MHO and you're probably not gonna like it..

and please stop chalking all this up to "these men"..I'm sorry but women do the same exact thing..

Kim did the same to me BBJ...she moved out of our bed..she never came back to our bed..and she told me why. She did not want to give me hope BBJ..she told me this..she knew that if she came back to our bed and something sexual happened then my hopes would be up and she would be back to square one in her desire and steps to get a D from me...Kim never wavered in her desire for a D..she never wavered. she played nice when she had too to make things as civil as possible..

Dan's not in the bed because he knows the same..he probably does not want to give you really high hopes, cause guess what

(Woog-say it with me brother)

he's frinkin broken....

Mike,
when I said "these men", I meant Dan and my H...
K

Kalni

I assumed you meant my H and yours...

There is something terribly wrong if you are not comfortable being in bed with your wife. I am not asking for wild crazy sex (although I would love to have it ) at this point. I just want to be able to go to bed and lay down next to the man I love.

That is NOT asking too much. If he tries to say that it is, I know better. I realize we are just in the most baby steps of rebuilding a relationship. And it hasn't been defined, he just showed back up at the house and started sleeping in our bed again. Then back to the couch...

If he doesn't want to come to bed with me, then don't live with me. Move out, ask me on a date, and if you are extremely lucky I might think about accepting....But don't move in and then think we are going to be room-mates...

Gees......BBJ, I'm getting on the next plane to the frozen tundra you live in so I can kick the sh!t out of Dan. Seriously, that man doesn't deserve you one bit! You are so patient and loving with him and he pulls this "we need to talk about this tonight" crap on you again? BROKEN DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO COVER IT!

The man wants everything just his way and doesn't comprehend the give and take in a M. I'm sorry, I know he's your H and you love him but his mistreatment of you is beginning to make me a little nuts. Probably because it's almost exactly like my H when he came home the two times after leaving. Get's my dander up.

You know I will support whatever decision you make with regards to your M BBJ. If there is any chance in heck of repairing your M then I'm completely in support of you. If Dan keeps treating you this way and refusing the give what you need in order to make your M a partnership again then I don't see your M surviving unless you are willing to just ignore all his wrong behaviors. That doesn't sound like you to me AT ALL.

Chin up, brave soul! You will handle his chitt with no problems, I'm sure of it!

OK..I now see that, I'm sorry..I guess I'm so used to using Kim's name in all this that some stuff just flies over my head..also know that even though I am now divorced that reading about you ladies and other sitches on here I still get upset about what all these spouses(WAS) do...even though I'm not in your sitch..your H and Dan can really piss me off sometimes..and I don't even know them..

Mish

I agree with you! You can be mad at my H because he is maddening!

Mike,I get what you are saying. And obv. he doesn't want to be in bed with me or he would be there every night. But I just don't get why he keeps coming back. Like you said Kim didn't come back to your bed. A lot of spouses on here don't. So I don't know why he is a human ping-pong ball, in/out, in/out.

And the impression I got today is that from H's eyes, I am the one skating on thin ice, on probation, so to speak.

Like one wrong step from me will cause him to walk. Sorry, but if anything it should be the other way around, but I am not choosing to be that vindictive.

And it isn't actually "working on it" if EITHER of us is looking for reasons to leave instead of embracing the reasons to stay and working from that angle...

I mean I know I set my boundaries but they were big, wide boundaries. Not like, "If Dan forgets to take out the trash, I am leaving"...

He seems to be so sensitive that the slightest thing from me that isn't what he wants to see/hear makes him run. Well I will not stop being me...