Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? New Year New Goals

speaking of shoes ...I was examining the outline and general shape that your signature line tends to make.

It is kinda boot like and rather pointed at the tip. The kind that would make a nice weapon when swung with some force attached to a ped. I sorta believe you get the gist.

Strive to smile a bunch girl. It lets the Lord know that you are feeling the love that he continuously shares with you.


T

guess I am getting booted from the library as they are closing early due to deteriorating road conditions with a little storm we got brewing here in NE PA.

T

This is what I was talking about in my earlier post BBJ. Like the wise words of Kenny Rogers:

You got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run

You will know by Dan's actions if he truly has come round or not. I love how you are just doing your own thing.

I know when my H "came round" I was in the place where you seem to be. I would always wonder if I did not try was that really my chance to have this marriage. But I wasn't all in at that point in time and could have survived with him or without him happily. Sure it would have hurt if he had turned to tail and run again but I had already survived to worst hurt of my life so I was ready either way.

Sure it would have hurt if he had turned to tail and run again but I had already survived to worst hurt of my life so I was ready either way.

Sandy--That sums it up entirely. I have had so many bombs that I feel like a veteran! Of marriage, anyway...I have been through this long enough, Kalni once told her husband "You can't scare me anymore", meaning she wasn't afraid of losing him. I am at that point now. I still don't want to lose him, but my eyes are wide open to that possibility. And if me being ME makes him run, then he isn't capable of being the husband I want in my life.

Last night H and I were hanging out and we both fell asleep in the living room, me on the floor, him on the couch. I woke up at 1 am and went to bed. I shook H and he said he was coming. The prior two nights he had slept with me. At 5 our son woke up and came in crying, H was still on the couch. I put S back in his own bed. Then H came in around 5:40 and lay next to me. I rolled up against him (my back to his chest) to 'spoon' him and he put his arm around me. Small thing to notice but it was him reaching for me instead of the other way around for a change...

Gotta go, want to keep my 'being productive at work' goal going!

6-8 seems to be the age when they have a lot of bad dreams. My son has not had any for a while, but he still walks into my room in the middle of the night to ask (and wake) me if he can take a pee. Maybe he does this to make sure I am still alive.

Yeah, whenever S wakes up in the night (3 times a week or more) I send him straight to the bathroom. Dreams wake him up then he realizes he needs to go pee....

That is why I think he knows more about our situation than H realizes. B/C of all those nights he came in and H was not there...he came in Sunday night and H was there and he was SOO excited that Daddy was in the bed...one of the many reasons I am giving this a final shot, so to speak

before I blast off of the computer for an afternoon nap, I have had it on my mind that I kind of feel a little like I am slighting you a little by doing some hefty praying for H. Not that I don't include you and the kids also but I just figured that I would throw it out there that if there were things for you personally that you wanted extra special prayer attention for then just say the word. Or at least for now be thinking of it.

Ciao


T

Thank you T! Mostly for me I pray that I am living as God would have me to live. That I am approaching the marriage situation with God's will in mind, not just my own desires.

Happy napping...

Alright then, we shall both be praying for that for you then. Or if you want to take break from praying for yourself you will know that you will still be prayed for

FYI:darling=Paula


T

Just checking in. I feel like H is starting to play his game again. Relationship-wise, I outgrew game playing when I got married... Still enjoy Monopoly though

Last night was pretty nice actually. After S finished allergy testing, I took him and his sister to my parents' for the evening. I was hoping to go out, but H said he wanted to stay in.

Once he got home and relaxed in the living room I said I figured he wanted to stay in because he had been out for work the night before and was prob. ready for a break. He said yeah that was the reason...

We hung out, watched a little of the Big Game last night, then switched over to "Something About Mary". Dan ordered some pizza, and we just chatted and laughed at the movie. I flirted with him and he smiled back at me like he liked it, although he didn't flirt back. I would be my usual 'real bbj' smart a$$ self and he laughed at some of the stuff I said. It seemed really nice.

Then the kids came home, I put them to bed and fell asleep in their room. Woke up at 10:30, H was on the couch. Thought he had plexiglass in his eye from cutting some over the weekend (ok, that was sudden) and was miserable. Moaning, groaning, etc. I asked if I could help he said no. I asked if he was coming to bed, he said he still had to go out and check cows...

So I went to bed, woke up at 1:30 (we got a new mattress in October and I wake up at night all the time now, I think maybe it is too firm for me), went out and H was back from checking cows, sleeping on the couch w a pillow over his face.

I asked if he was going to sleep on the couch again, he said no he was coming...

At 5:00 his alarm went off in our room and I turned it off, he was still on the couch. Night #3 on the couch...

I went out and told him his alarm went off. I asked him if sleeping on the couch was going to be the norm, since it had been 3 nights. He said No, no......

I told him I was no longer going to be whiny and annoying but I was also not going to bite my tongue either (he said if he came back to our M he couldn't keep biting his tongue) and that I was not happy with him sleeping on the couch indefinitely...

He got up and came to bed. I asked him if there was a particular reason he was not in our bed. He said that the two nights he spent in our bed (sun/mon) he didn't get much sleep. I asked if he was uncomfortable in our bed and he said yes. I said are you uncomfortable with me or the mattress (partly joking partly not b/c I haven't slept well since we got the new one). He said hell I don't know it could be the new mattress...

Anyway I rolled over and went back to sleep with our legs touching. He woke up at 6:30 and left quickly as he had then overslept..(so obv. he CAN sleep in our bed )

I sent him a little message at 7. Just said I was glad we were able to talk about things openly again and that I understood he wasn't comfortable in our bed so I wouldn't force the issue. Then I said I enjoyed hanging out last night.

I thought that was a mature step forward in our open communication...

He replied back "We need to discuss this tonight"

GRRRRRRRRRR

That has twice been his phrasing for ending it with me, "We need to talk tonight"...

I am not apologizing, I don't think I did anything wrong. As half of the couple in this marriage I have just as much a right to voice my concerns as he does. I should be able to say, "I want you sleeping in our bed" without him chalking it up to being whiny and annoying. I didn't cry or nag or moan or bitch. I just said, "Hey I don't want this to become the norm, you sleeping on the couch"

I just find it juvenille to say "We need to discuss this tonight" and not elaborate....like a veiled threat to hang in the air all day.