Matilda and Aud, My W acknowledged her unhappiness to me yesterday morning, after another evening of irritability, and complaining that the bathtub drain wasn't adequately working.
She knows she needs to quit smoking. I asked her what I can do to help, and she said to ask her to join me when I go to yoga.
I emailed someone who went to a church I used to be a member of about an organization he belongs to, that builds friendships with people from other countries. The name of the organization is called the Friendship Force. You commit to hosting a family from abroad, and they in turn do the same. This could be a way for us to travel abroad, on our income.
My W and I have considered pursuing this, but got derailed by R problems. My contact emailed back to me and invited us to a New Year's Day get together, where members of this organization will be present. My W is very excited. This is something worth investigating. I think this organization might be a good fit for us.
My W asked for resources on happiness. I emailed her the name of a book with an audio CD, that has been helpful to me.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
My W asked for resources on happiness. I emailed her the name of a book with an audio CD, that has been helpful to me. CL
Is this a good sign that she is asking for help via resources rather than expecting YOU to make her happy??? Do you mind sharing the name of the book?
I look forward to hearing your reaction to the Friendship Force meeting. You've always said that you and your wife travel well together. Looking for the positives is something I admire about you!!! Happy New Year, CL! Hope you and your wife will really connect in 2009!!!
Matilda, I see it as a sign (her acknowledging unhappiness, and working on her own happiness) versus a commitment, but it's a start. The name of the book is, Happiness is an Inside Job: Practicing for a Joyful Life, by Sylvia Boorstein.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Awesome CL--it's nice to see her giving you suggestions on what will help her, and looking for her own path to happiness. Keep up the good work. Happy New Year!
CL, just heard a bit of Oprah this am and she mentioned a happiness test on her website: Oprah.com. Wonder if that would be something your wife would be interested in.
Matilda, Thanks for the reference. I'm not going to pursue my W in regards to monitoring her self improvement, but will let her know of your website if she's looking for resources.
I'm reading a poetry anthology book. In this book it talks about paraphrasing a poem as an exercise in trying to understand its theme or meaning. This is different than its subject.
I'm thinking this is also a useful life and listening skill. It's easy to get tripped up by the subject matter, when my W is angry with me. I must practice to weather the storm, and afterwards think about what is the theme that she is trying to convey.
I thought about last night, when she was angry with me (again). She's saying that she wants me be more of a partner, to be more thoughtful. to communicate more, to think how my actions affect her, to be more appreciative, to take more pride in my appearance and in the appearance of the household.
She appreciates the prepared crockpot meals. I need to keep it up. It keeps us out of restaurants, and she complains less often about being hungry.
Dancing keeps us connected to the dance community. It promotes the building and maintenance of friendships.
At last night's venue we met a friend who is currently living in Mexico. My W and I mentioned to her our interest in world travel. She invited us to come visit her, and has been disappointed that she has yet to have visitors from our community. This opportunity may evolve into a trip.
My W has begun preparing the house for the cleaning service on 1/6, by working on clutter, so that areas can be cleaned.
I've reduced my evening hours at work to 6PM three nights a week, so that I can pick-up the puppy from daycare, so that she can have a quiet transition home from work, and a break from an active puppy. The change in hours, also makes me more available for connection in the evenings.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
She's saying that she wants me be more of a partner, to be more thoughtful. to communicate more, to think how my actions affect her, to be more appreciative,...
Is that like the pot calling the kettle black? You should consider being on the tv show, "wife swap". I think your wife might be surprised at how thoughtfu, etc, you are compared to a lot of husbands! I admire your ability to not get angry, but to see how you can improve the situation.
Matilda, You're probably right about my W, but I have to focus on what I need to do, to turn things around.
We were up for two hours having another R talk. The emphasis this time was my failure to communicate how attractive I thought my W was, and my failure to keep up with household cleaning and maintenance.
She says that I am a withholding person, and that I fail to keep my promises.
She's now upset about hiring a cleaning person, stating that if I cleaned the hardwood floors monthly, we could handle the rest on our own.
I told her that she needs to consider that my behavior, distance, irritablility, is sometimes in response to how I'm treated by her. She won't consider this.
I told her that I would clean the hardwood floors on a monthly basis.
I can be more affirming about her appearance. She shared how insecure she is about turning fifty, and how she felt unattractive in the early years of her life.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Piecing Friends, My W is clearly asking for what she wants. It's now up to me to figure-out how to meet those expectations. Telling her she looks attractive seems like an easy expectation to meet.
The housework issues, we'll simply work-out.
The money issues aren't resolvable, because she wants our finances to meet her expectations, rather than adjust her expectations to meet our finances. This is an ongoing conflict we have.
She has become a more attractive person since she started dancing four years ago. I told her last night that she oozed sensuality, where a lot of woman her age neglect that aspect of themselves.
I suppose I should be greatful for that.
I wish she weren't so reactive and harsh with her words. It would make this Piecing process easier. She tells me to call her on it, but it happens so frequently, I lose track of the various ways she's angry with me.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
