Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Ms Ladybug is MOVING OUT.

Lady B hows the new year? im worried about ya.

The new year completely sucks to put it lightly. I think yesterday was the first day that I didn't cry since Christmas. I've now been living with my mom since Sat. Living with her isn't horrible, but it's not home. The kids and I are living out of suitcases since my mom has no closets for us (since all the kids grew and left the house, she turned our closets into storage, desks, and toyboxes).

I've been so mad at h, and really lost it on him over the weekend. He had the nerve to call me the day before I moved to ask if I could pay the mortgage for Jan! I told him "sure. I'll pay the mortgage, and live here!" He said no. He didn't have the money situation straightened out and wasn't able to pay the mortgage. I was PISSED! I told him that I was going to file for CS, and he said, "Don't worry, I'm doing all the paperwork on Monday." I was mad and hung up on him. He tells me he loves me, wants our marriage to work, yet kicks us out of the house, wants me to pay the mortgage, and he'll file the papers. I was calm enough to talk to him that night, and he said he was filing for a Legal Sep on Monday. I have no idea if he did or not, or how it works (do I get served papers for that?)

The first night at my mom's he calls me because it didn't look like I moved. My closet was still full of clothes, and there are still tampons in the bathroom cupboard. I told him I was living out of a suitcase and took what I could. He told me this wasn't a vacation or a sleepover, and that I should have taken all my stuff. I was so angry! I was angry that I moved that day! I had been weeping ALL DAY! I was incredibly sad, and I just couldn't deal with it at that moment. I yelled at him, hung up, and took my mom's phone off the hook. Well, who should show up at the door about 30 min later... Basically, he is pissed at me, I'm pissed at him, and I HATE being out of the house.

I told him I was moving back, and I'll let the courts decide where I should live.
He was mad about that becaue he had just moved all his stuff back in. He told me that we've been talking about me moving since Oct, and I agreed to this.
I told him I agreed to NO SUCH THING. He kicked us out.
He denied kicking us out.
I told him he left me with no choice when he threatened to cut me off financially.
After a short period of just arguing, I told him to leave, and he did.

SOOO, this afternoon I go by the house to pick up a couple more things...and THE LOCKS ARE CHANGED! The garage was recoded, and tacked to the front door were a bunch of bible verses about being a good wife! I called and told him that I lived there FOR A YEAR and didn't change the locks. He came all the time to get things he needed!! I WAS MAD! I told him I was going to break a window to get in, and he said he would call the cops and have me charged with criminal vandalism- IT'S MY HOUSE! I hung up on him, and next thing I know, 2 police cars pull up.
Basically, they told me it's NOT vadalism if I break a window in my own house to get it. IT IS vandalism if I break ALL the windows... Then he calls the police and tells them he's on his way over. So, he gets there, and one cops goes around the corner and they talk, and another one stays to talk with me.

...Long story short, I get let in the house with 2 police officers following me around to get a couple things. I told them and H that I would be back tonight and I was moving back home. H said "no you aren't". The cops told me to call them first, so they can be here, but he can't keep me out.

I'LL BE DAMNED if I'm going to be locked out of my own house!! I still have most of my things there. The kids still have ALL their things there. I was only going to get a couple things, but now I feel like I have to move back in order to have acess to MY OWN things! I'm steaming now!!!

Sorry this is so long!

Darling, Ladybug. You need police and legal protection. Your husband will resort to violence. You will do better in the courts than fighting him yourself on the streets. Go to an attorney tomorrow.

My husband IS the police. I don't think he would put his job on the line and go violent.

Oh, and I was informed my the police (not by h) that he filed divorce papers yesterday. Too chicken-[censored] to tell me himself.

Be careful ladybug.
For what it's worth, I learned something when I made my hasty departure...you can get by without a lot of your 'stuff'. Sure, there's a few things I miss, and wish I had taken, but it's really only stuff.
Nothing is as important as your safety.
A mediator may be able to help you negotiate a list and an agreeable time to gather your things.
Good luck, honey. Goldey

Do NOTHING in anger.

Here's an email I just sent off to h...
I know I wrote it hastily, and should take a cooling off period, but I'm mad...

J, I am seething with anger right now. I should be working, but I can't. I made a resolve this last week, to completely rely on God for my strength and guidance in dealing with you. Why?....Because more than anything in the world, I wanted to save my marriage. And, I know that God wants the same thing, so certainly his guidance would be the way to go. And, so I thought there's no way this (God's way) could fail...

You know what I wanted? I wanted to move back with the kids...and for you to stay. I thought living together, I could show you God's love (not by my spirit), and GOD DOESN'T FAIL. HA! Once again...I'm the fool.

Little did I know, at the same time, that you took it upon yourself to file for divorce...and NOT TELL ME...I have to find out from a police officer that you filed for divorce!! Are you kidding me??

I went to pick up Lysol wipes for Sawyer's potty chair, that's it. The locks are changed...the garage door recoded...??? In the YEAR that you lived with your parents, I NEVER didn't allow you access to the house. BECAUSE IT'S YOUR HOUSE! There are things there that belong to you. You came over often to get things over the course of the year (hunting gear, certain clothes, paperwork, mail, etc...). You came freely in and out with your own key, sometimes in the middle of the night. Sometimes you called first, sometimes you didn't. I didn't CARE! I never gave it a second thought.
I feel shitty, and little, and disrespected, and completely confused.

"But you're mad" is just an excuse to do something een though you're smart enough to know its a bad idea.

And I am far from religious, but we fail God far more often, just because we don't like the way things work out doesn't mean God has failed us. We are like spoiled children, we praise Him when things go our way, but turn our backs on Him when things suck.

Ms. Ladybug, that 'divorce' your heard about from the other cops, is more than likely, what he told them when you were both outside your house, to justify his actions in their eyes.

You are having a horrible day, and it will get worse if you let it. The actions you take now in anger might become mistakes you will have difficulty in overcoming later.