Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy ow loves to call

Ask him to come home and work on your marriage with you. Get a restraining order against the OW if you have to, but just changing your phone #s, e-mail addresses, etc., and putting a basic no-contact/transparency plan in place should do the trick.

If he won't do that, then he's lying.

Puppy

Our MC suggested a No Contact order. Since she hasn't done anything physical I think that's what it has to be. She's not allowed to contact you.

I don't know if it's different from state to state

puppy, i know he is lying. he may intend to end it, it may intend to come home, but he has done neither. so, i just dont know what to do next.

dark wont help, an ultimatum wont help. i dont know what will help.

Not standing up for yourself and your marriage won't help either. Do what Puppy said so that even if he leaves, you (and he) knows that you want to save the marriage and are not willing to live with what he is doing right now. It's not healthy.

i agree, i just dont know how to do it. it seems he doesnt take me too seriously because of how long i have waited and how long i have believed him when it turns out he is lying. how do i show i am serious without calling the lawyer and proceeding with divorce?

going dark does not work on him. i dont know how to continue to fight for him while knowing very well he is still seeing her and probably lying to keep both worlds alive as long as he can.

something sticks in my head that he recently said - when he first left, right away, withought reading divorce remedy, i did not call him, i did not beg or cry in front of him. i made like i was ok and always looked nice and acted right. it backfired because his affair blossomed, and i did not even know about it.

and he recently said to me, "where were you when i first left? u werent crying or begging me then..."

Maybe it's time to lay it all down on the line.....how you feel, what you know (get proof), and what you want. Get emotional if you want, show him your feelings, don't hold anything back, and then follow through with what you will accept and what you won't accept. He knows it is not right for you to be with him when he is with OW, but he is doing it because he can. There is no dishonor in telling your H you will not remain married to him if he won't leave his affair partner.

i have laid it on the line, and i have given him the proof. he will deny the proof like ive never seen denial before. im up against a brick wall. he tells me what i want to hear, BUT he is still not home.

i can say what i want, he knows i wont proceed with the divorce. im just not sure what is left to do.

Ok, you have laid it on the line...but you haven't followed through. You still sleep with him and pretend like he isn't with someone else. He is cake eating. Maybe you won't file for divorce at this point, but you can show him that he won't have a "pretend marriage" while he has an affair.

No contact. And H has to allow you to verify NC - phone records, email, texts, accountability to where he is, etc. Yes, this is not what 2 people in a healthy R have to do, but that is not where you are. Until he is willing to regain your trust, and SHOW you that he has given up OW, there is no way you can work on your M. I wouldn't let him return to your home until he agrees to this.