I dont think anyone can foresee what is going to come with your situation. It is so tough to end a marriage of convenience when kids are involved. I think it would be so much easier now for you to end it if Dan were to have another affair.
He stayed out all night again at Tom's or wherever
He has another panic attack thing and says he can't do this, goes back to stay at his parents or Tom's.
If he leaves again, he stays gone. If he melts down again about how hard it is to do this, he is gone.
If he acts like my husband/partner/friend, then we will take it one day at a time and see how it goes.
I just had to jump off the crazy train and live life at this point. It has been passing me by while I think, overthink, plan, overplan, etc etc... I have no desire to file right now b/c I am ready for a break from thinking about that crap. Just want to do my thing!
He stayed out all night again at Tom's or wherever
He has another panic attack thing and says he can't do this, goes back to stay at his parents or Tom's.
If he leaves again, he stays gone. If he melts down again about how hard it is to do this, he is gone.
If he acts like my husband/partner/friend, then we will take it one day at a time and see how it goes.
I just had to jump off the crazy train and live life at this point. It has been passing me by while I think, overthink, plan, overplan, etc etc... I have no desire to file right now b/c I am ready for a break from thinking about that crap. Just want to do my thing!
BobbiJo ...Hi Sis
After reading your boundaries I am very proud of you for one thing. Knowing and going through this walk together with you and so many other's on here is rewarding in so many ways. Real hard to put into words IMO. But I guess the best words to use are that Michelle WD really provides an incredible forum on here for all of us to further ourselves or to just have something to grasp onto to keep us from falling down a well of despair. Anyway ..thank you Michelle for this gift that we all utilize to steady and improve ourselves. Now off of that and back to where I was headed prior to digressing.
I was just curious as to whether or not you will be sharing those concise boundaries with H? Or do you intend on keeping them to yourself and see if he measures up to them unbeknownst to him?
My opinion on that and/or the pros/cons of it is not quite entirely formulated (might have to do with me still needing a bunch a sleep). But I was just curious about that.
Stay fixated on Christ our Redeemer and your #1 H!
I kind of like what you are doing. Here's what I think! We don't know why Dan is doing what he is doing, but I'm not sure that is really important right now. I'm kind of thinking even if he is "playing a game", he might just find out that he likes the results. It seems that it could turn out to be "faking it 'til you make it" in reverse, without him even realizing it! I'd like to think that his time driving through Texas (now THAT's a lot of fun!) gave him some time to think, and to realize that there are not a lot of BBJ's around, and that he is really fortunate to have one that loves him! Keep you expectations low, and your eyes open!
Thanks Tomato. I don't plan to tell him my boundaries because as a grown, married man, they are not anything that should NEED to be said. If he can't start behaving this way of his own choice, there is nothing more I can do.
Jeff, he drove straight through from San Antonio to Glenwood on Saturday/Sunday. He could have stopped and stayed overnight somewhere (like Kansas City, for instance...ick). But he didn't. So that was a LOT of drive time to ponder life...
Something just ocurred to me and I felt the need to share. Not that I could even begin to wander into his cranium without the high probability of becoming as lost as he is BUT...
the thought ocurred that let's suppose (and this could be a real reach) he thinks scenarios through his mind that actually involve giving consideration to someone other than himself and his own wants and desires. Let's just call that person BobbiJo for scenarios sake (ha ha). Is it too far off the charts that coupled with his own stubborn, bullheaded innate traditional maleness of making an extreme drive like that one non-stop that he might have been trying to insulate this BobbiJo person from having her mind wander about what might be happening at his stopover point. Off the top of my head ...I think not.
That's my male POV. I would have to suspend things and try to imagine what I might be apt to do if I were in his boots. ANd that is what I came up with. We should all count ourselves lucky to not be in his boots. Not that he hasn't dug his own mile deep trench and then proceeded to do a belly-flop into it. But I repeat my refrain .."We should all count ourselves ...".
Thanks Tomato. I don't plan to tell him my boundaries because as a grown, married man, they are not anything that should NEED to be said. If he can't start behaving this way of his own choice, there is nothing more I can do.
I understand. And your the one who counts and who is calling the shots.
I am still thinking of what I would do if I were in your shoes.
Looking at those boundaries, I think the only one you might say anything about would be spending the night somewhere else. I think you might give him a bit of a break if he called first, and there was some kind of reason. Bad weather, he needs to be somewhere the next morning, or he needs to be somewhere, or what ever. But he had better call first!
