Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy trying to be patient and strong 11

LO,
I thought about that too. He doesn't even keep them a full weekend and wants full custody???

Karen, be sure to docuement this when it comees to custody hearing. He is just worried about the money. I could so see if he got custody, he would let you have them back, being the nice guy he is---not. Then the child support would be set and you would have to go back to court $$$. Just present your facts and that won't happen.

I just wrote how proud I am of you and it went poof!! I hope I didn't offend you on Roger's thread. Not that long ago you would make a statement but end it with a question mark as if you weren't trying to hurt anyone's feelings.

Now you are saying what you think needs to be said and then coming back later to make sure that they are ok. You have grown so much and I am so proud of you. Don't change sweetie, just continue to grow.

kat

Yes, you're exactly right. My C and L think so too. LO, he did ask for primary custody when he filed the D paperwork. We go to mediation soon and then I guess I'll find out what he is thinking now. I do think he wants just the money, b/c if you look at his actions. He also has never taken care of them very much, lucky to see them 10 hours a week, so I think it would be way more difficult than he thinks if he is thinking still about that. He does criticize me often, never a kind word about my parenting, I think he feels he is a better parent but of course it's easier to parent one day or half a day than the other parent who does the rest! I don't think he would actually have primary custody for very long, the OW would have a fit, so I think that would be funny, and it might be good for H to realize what it's really like full-time parenting, but of course it's not good for the kids and trying to keep things consistent. Yoyo, you're right I need to start documenting how much time he spends. And he has unlimited access whenever he wants so it does show I think where his priorities are (and aren't).

I'm not mad, Kat!!! I was worried I was coming across too hard or tough, but kind of funny b/c you know I never would have worried about that a year ago you know. Even my L this week said I'm seeming a lot more self-confident (and you know how she is!), although you know I had zero confidence a year or 2 ago. Karen

I think this is both funny and sad, funny that people really don't know how hard it is to be a fulltime parent, and sad because it affects the kids. Your kids are lucky they have you. I pray to God that he keeps me safe because the kids would have to live with their mom if anything happened to me and that scares me.


M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D7, D7, S6
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08

Right back at you, Jeff! (And everyone else here.) Jeff, I worry the same stuff. If something happened to me, it would be almost like the kids were orphaned or close. That's something that does bother me. Sometimes I think I want to get remarried, a good guy, just so the kids would have someone to help take care of them. Well there would be other benefits of course!!! Yeah, I'm thinking about holding hands and hugging (do you believe me???) But don't worry, I'm not planning on rushing into anything, just saying... Karen

You are driving me nuts

yes Karen I do believe you, holding hands, hugging, spending quality time together talking, snuggling together in bed on a cold winters night, soft kisses, seeing that twinkle in your partners eyes because they know you love them, living life together, building memories - love is wonderful and yes other benefits too

I'm with you, not rushing into anything, will have to be a very special person

M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D7, D7, S6
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08

[quote=JeffSTL]

You're driving me nuts too! Was that payback?

OK, my H is not gonna win dad of the year award! He picked them up last night, they did dinner and bed. Then D9 tells me H takes them to a race this morning for H to run, then McDonalds for brunch and returned them home around 1. Either the kids were alone or with OW during the race! Again, he drops off the kids stuff and a bag of their dirty clothes for me to wash each time. It also drives me crazy that he's so critical of my parenting--maybe he should look at his own sometime??? Karen

No Karen It's not payback, it's my hope someday I'll be with someone where I can enjoy these things and more - someday I'll be out of this holding pattern and free to move on with my life

someday

I also get the dirty clothes each time W has the kids, I just want to tell her keep a set of clothes at her place and change them into the clean clothes then wash the dirty clothes for the next time the kids come to visit.

I'm lucky that W isn't critical of my parenting skills, she knows I'm better with the kids

Have a happy Saturday night Karen, D7/D7 have a sleepover birthday party tonight, guess I'll take D9 and S6 out to dinner, I'm not getting any work done around the house today.

M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D7, D7, S6
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08

Well, H took the kids yesterday after I left for church around 10 I think and returned & left them at 7. I get back from my bible study around 8:15 but he apparently couldn't wait; guess he had plans with OW he couldn't break.

D9 had to go see her psych. today--sees her every few months for checkin. H showed up and I didn't say hi, woops, although I was reading D9 a book. Then during the session, she asks how D9 is and H again says oh, she's fine with me; I don't have any problems (which btw my S15 said isn't true, she does have meltdowns with him anyway which prob. are less b/c he just spends a half day or day with them each week plus he's taking them to the movies or mall and buying them stuff so what's to meltdown about anyway. I did ask her about S15 if she needed to see him for depression. His C thinks he is moderately depressed as do I. She said wait on it and she's going to touch base with his C. She said something like D isn't bad on the kids if the parents have a good R and asked about ours. I said nothing, and H said well, we don't see each other much, but I don't say anything negative about her to the kids. (Yeah, like what could he say negative: I spend my life taking care of them, cleaning, doing errands for them, etc. What's to say?

I find myself just feeling dislike with a tinge of anger for him. I usually think I'm kind of in the same place as a lot of us here, but I don't think I feel the same toward him as y'all, I mean as you guys feel about your WAS. Hopefully the dislike will lessen eventually, rather than increase like it has for me lately??? When we left, H says "Bye D9, have a good one" as D9 didn't say bye to him. I usually remind her to say bye and hug but didn't feel like it today. Bad day I guess. I did say Bye to him. Trying to be polite but it's not easy sometimes. Karen