Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Walk-Away-Spouse Episode IV: A New Hope (?)

You know, at times I get frustrated that W doesn't call to talk to the boys. Especially during the weekends that I have them. I know this past weekend, I really wanted to keep tabs on them when she had them, but, I had to giver her HER space to deal with OM and back-off. Stinks when you have to negate making initial contact. I'd sure love to call her now as I still have yet to hear anything.

At this point I am going to assume the worst and they will be gone when I get home and she slipped back into the other realm she lives in. This way I won't feel let down if it does happen to be that way. On the other hand if things turn out to be good I will be able to relish the moment all the much more.

Again, only time will tell, but as I said, I'm putting my defenses up and just be prepared for the worst so I can shrug it off that much easier.

Heh,

Well, called "housemate", no signs of W yet. S10 is off at the library typing out his report so he can go to dinner tonight. That would really be uncool if she takes them and doesn't let him go after two days of such hard work, I mean yeah, he should have had it done weeks ago on time, but the boys view tonight as like a "treat night" and let them have what they want, but if they have misbehaved or havent' done their work, guess what, you stay home.

This is starting to get nerving, I coudn't see her doing that, yet i couldn't see her only seeing them for one night this week potentially tomorrow and then not for another 3 days. Something is up.

Just got off phone with W (she called), says she didn't even realize it's Wednesday and she'll just stop by and see them for a while before I get home.

When the offer was extended that she could go too if she'd like she said thank you, twice, but "that's probably not good right now". Eh, whatever.

I offered to drop them off afterward, no dice.

Still all drab sounding, but at least I was thought of. That's a start. Gotta go "home" now.

Still sounding promising. she sounds like she is getting confused between what she knows she wants to do and the easy route which would be to stay in her sitch. but like my W's recent (yesterday) events, it sounds like her world is crashing. Keep strong...

Confused? That's understatement.

I get home, and s10 is still at the library typing his essay and only S11 is there.

So, I grab my usual 12 ounces of relaxation and head downstairs for a smoke and there's a pair of women's shoes by the back door, figured they were BIL's girlfriends. Sit down and out of nowhere comes W. Still looks good. But the truth rears it's ugly head.

Apparently her feelings now is that yes she does miss and think of me, but does not think any of our 'issues' will ever go away, combined with the way things are now. All the while S11 is bombarding the conversation with questions of who he'll be with on what day and really aggitating things. She says she's sorry, and does not want me to move away and is really scared of what will happen as 2/1 draws nearer. Thus, my trust in her is crushed to a pulp once again, and again she's sorry. She's "in too deep with OM" and "it will hurt the kids if she tears them away from another family, of which she can not stay out of contact with OM & his family, should we get back together".

So that's all folks, I'm moving, my house-mate refuses to pay anymore rent which is my grocery money, so I told her to go forth with her plan then, be with him, and the kids are yours after this weekend with me, they need a stable enviornment and this back and forth crap does nothing but hurt and confuse them more.

This statement really cracked me up, "I'm scared of you moving so far away, I want to be friends with you and come over and talk to you when I need to". When you need to? What I'm supposed to be caretaker to all your crap, live in a financial headache of a empty house of broken memories, and be your dirty little secret from OM?!?! Of which, oh by way, beginning promptly at 7pm her cell phone starts going bazerk from texts and calls from OM, guess she exceeded her cerfew.

Just more and more talking in code from her, more of the "It's not like that" crap.

She says she'll be back again tonight to "finish talking". That probably won't happen courtesy of her "loyalty" to OM since she got home late after not only being with me, but she stopped by the library on her way "home" to check in on S10 who stll wasn't back yet, her computer illiterate self managed to delete the poor kid's report and apparently it was unretievable. Her solution, "call him in sick to school". Right.

So, if she does end up popping up tonight, we'll see where it goes from there. "Be Strong" LD? I'm being strong, I'm sticking to my guns and the clock is ticking. I guess she learned a new poker face the other day, at least now I can see through that face to the cards being dealt.

Funny parts: she heeds no worry to the fact that when OM wakes up finding himself a full time parent and 'family man', he's gonna bolt so damn fast the door will torn off the hinges. And the need to be friends with her al beit she is "too committed to OM to leave him", hah, you expect me to be friends with the very person in herself that took my whole life and family away from me? eff that.

That is brutal. But she is obviously taking the easier route. trust me, OM is most likely putting all that in her head. But even if he isn't you need to do whats best for you and your kids. She is not in the equation. Like mine, she is spiraling down a road she may never recvoer from, sad thing is the kids will bear the brunt of her mistakes.

Keep me posted. I have faith in you.

Easy route? What is the easy route? tearing your family to shreds because you don't have the desire to own up for your own mistakes? That's easy? That is a recipe to build your own frankenstein monster that's gonna come back and kick you in the dark side of the moon later on in life if you ask me.

She even admitted this may be a mistake that will haunt her for the rest of her life. huh, you think hon?!? You think your kids aren't gonna be pissed off a few years down the road when they start to develope their own values in relationships, to say NOTHING of major events and mainly their weddings.

i certainly hope she had another epiphany last night. I'd really hope that OM got real stupid about her whereabouts of the night. Seldom did I EVER blow her phone up like that, and yet he does it all the time. What's the matter buddy, can't trust your fiance, your MARRIED fiance?

I don't know, I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do anymore, I'm so sick of these ups and downs. Tonight I am going to shut my phone off or give it to someone to make sure i do nothing stupid and get hammered. Maybe that way I can finally sleep again.

Amazingly through the whole ordeal, I kept my cool for the most part, I did lose it for a second when that pattended "It's not like that" flew out of her mouth, yeah, it's not like that, just like the night i found you with him 'wasn't like that', like when you two were being spotted all over town with hickeys on each others neck 'wasn't like that', like his car at your house every night 'wasn't like that', and the fact that your "engaged" while married and have a family 'ISN'T LIKE THAT'!!!

Conversation ended with a calm and collected 'damn you'.

easier for her because she won't have thework of regaining your trust and re-establishing her life with yours. Oh, yeah, huge mistake, trust you me, she is making a mistake. You see if you just up and go, she is justified that it was better for everyone, be friends, be still my heart. How can you be expected to be friends with someone who ripped out your hart and now wants to use whenever the need suits her.

I think you need to go dark on her and let her evaluate the situation, not you. Get hold of yourslef and stay away from her. Do not pursue, let it go for now. I know you don't have much time left for your living arrangements, but let her think about what she has done and what she has said. she is waivering, let her. If you push on this, you will push her away. Step back, take a deep breath and deal with you, not her, not your M/R. You need to do this, you know you need to do this...

First off, I have not persued her at all during this recent stage of events.

She's the one that called me initially on last Tuesday begging to be friends and wnating to spend New Years together. She's the one that decided to come over on Saturday and have a 3 hour pow-wow with me. Afterward I sent a text of a quote "it's not how we survive the storm, but how we dance in the rain" to lift her spirits a bit and let her know I was here. Monday I called her because the kids were just dropped off, LITERALLY, at 6:40am and were almost locked out until school. Since then I heard nothing from her and made no attempts until 4:55 yesterday when she called me, and whne I got home she was there. Who's persueing who? Not me.

Secondly, I gave her my trust, Saturday, I never let on until last night after she imformed me that she's "too commited to him".

Lastly, so are you suggesting staying in the house? I'm really confused on that aspect, I want to leave, but I don't. Maybe if she 'pops up' again tonight she will finally say what I need to hear in that SHE WANTS me to stay.

Don't pursue her now, meaning don't chase her for answers. Yes stay in the house. Let her keep doing that. Like I said you are doing fine, do not change speed yet. Act as if and see what happens next. Remember this ball is in her court, you are just watching the game in front of you. Hell I am taking your positon with mine right now. She is in it big time, I want to call her and pry and see, but I need to have her come to me. I am standing my ground and gong on "as if". Just like you are doing now.

Let all of the communication begin with her, let her keep coming to you, that is what needs to happen. And remember, believe none of what she says, half of what you see. Until He is gone, hold to that....I have your back and all the faith in you....