Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Maybe I should be in piecing part 5?

OK, good work. Now I see why you and Dr. Love see eye to eye. You might be sharing the same wife.

Hellooo.

H4U, I think you understood what I was talking about. I was NOT talking about getting her into bed for sex purposes.

You DID understand that, right? Like I said at the first of my post, affection stuff. Not sex stuff. The true stuff that we miss. We are not beasts. We are simply human.

The hugs, the holding of hands, being close. That is the affection that I was speaking of. Do I miss sex? Hell yes. But what I miss more is the affection of my wife. A simple touch of my hair, a rub of my neck while driving in the car. A purposeful bump of a hip while passing by. The little things.

Don't get me wrong, who's gonna turn it down, but come on. We know better.

Sandi, I think you just misunderstood my post. I think a big step would be to have her just SLEEPING in the marital bed again.
At first, reading your post, it seemed like you were just on a rant, but midpost, you started to make sense and hit the mark.

Sorry if I got you riled up.

I understand/understood H4H.

Oh well, another couple weeks and I should have some closure one way or another.

On the 17th we're going to a concert and spending a night in a hotel. Going out to eat, some drinks, the concert and then the hotel.

Our bed should be delivered in the next few weeks.

Last I heard, my transfer should happen in January sometime.

I just can't see continuing like this. W won't talk about any of this. Won't read any books. Won't go to Retro. Acts like I have the plague if I try to touch her. Refuses to get rid of her affair memento's.

But we get along great. We're just friends. Hey, maybe it's the start of an affair huh. "We're just friends" right?

Unfortunately, and not knowing all his sitch, yours sounds like it could be Puppy's sitch.

At least it sounds like the end result will be the same. But like I said, at least you will have gotten back the friendship with the mother of your children. Depends on how you look at it.

And I forgot to say that the affection thing? It goes both ways because not only do I love getting it, I love to give those little physical affection things. We all know that we 'do' or have 'done' things for them, but I also miss being able to do those little physical touches.

Getting them and giving them.

Good morning. Well, Puppy's news gives me renewed hope.

And of course, after my comment about W leaving the purse I got her for her birthday in November in the closet I come home from dropping S20 off at school and what's she doing? Yep, transferring the stuff from her old purse to the new one. Maybe she's a mind reader and knew what I posted?

Anyway, had a nice day yesterday. Was pretty detached from W in the morning. Kind of playing it like was suggested by the ladies. I was polite, brought her a Latte when I came home from my hair cut. She really likes "Seattle's Best" coffee and doesn't really care for Starbucks. So Friday night when I said something about a haircut yesterday morning, W asked if my haircut was near "the strip" where the Borders is with the Seattle's Best cafe in it. I told her "not really", but there was a Starbucks in the same strip mall, and if she wanted one of those, I'd bring one home. She said "I don't like Starbucks" so I just said "ok".

So when I walked in with the Seattle's Best she said "you went to the strip"? I said "yes". She replied "Starbucks would have been ok" to which I said "You said you didn't like Starbucks". She said "I said it would have been ok". And I just said "oh". A minute or so later she quietly said "thank you".

So the rest of the morning I was pretty detached. Did my own thing. Left to take S20 back to school around 1:00. While in the car I thought to myself "I wonder how long it will be before W TM's me"? She didn't disappoint. Took about an hour and a half. So I was polite in the TM exchanges. Got S20 to school and went to Chipotle for dinner. W TM's me while I'm there asking directions to one of S16's friends house. Now she knows the way. They've been there before and they have a google map so I'm not sure why she had to TM to ask, but I didn't want to get into trying to TM directions, so I called her. And it was like she didn't want to get off the phone with me. Finally I had to say "my food is getting cold" and ended the call.

So when I get home she's fixing up her new purse and has a glass of wine for herself. And when I sat down she started talking and talking.

And it was like that the whole evening. Just a really nice night of conversation and watching football. W made a couple comments about when our new bed would be showing up. Almost sounded like she wants to sleep in bed with me.

Ok, I've rambled enough. Thanks for listening.

Great, great stuff, H4U. My wife even offered to watch football with me yesterday -- she NEVER does that!!!

Oh man Pup, true story here.....

On the way to take S20 back to school, he was reading a book and my mind was wondering and this thought came into my mind.....IF my W and I don't make it, the next woman in my life HAS to like football. I don't know if I could have a relationship with someone who DOESN'T like it. It's just so much fun to sit around on a Saturday/Sunday afternoon with a couple of adult beverages watching football. Going to a sports bar for games, going to the games live. I just don't know if I could feel so attached to a woman who doesn't LOVE the game like I do. And W does. And she's pretty educated in the game also. So, I just don't know if I could have a long term relationship with someone who doesn't enjoy the game. Maybe if they were willing to learn/share it with me, ok, but if they have no interest and no interest in even trying to learn/enjoy the game, I don't think I could do it.

Call me shallow, but hey, it's how I feel.

We like what we like.

One of the things my wife told me during our hours-long talk yesterday morning: "Do you know what I'd like us to do?"

"What?" I asked.

"Find something that we enjoy doing together -- a shared interest."

"Like when we used to work out together?" I said.

"Well, yeah, except I see enough of that place since I work there. It can be anything; I just want us to find something we can do together, and talk about together. You and the boys have your baseball and your football and your golf, and that's GREAT -- I envy that. It's been tough on me since the girls moved out (D21 and D19), and you and I just go our separate ways. I'd like us to have at least one thing we do together."

The conversation then turned also to finding some sense of PURPOSE in our lives, and then I suggested combining the two.

"This may sound stupid, but you know what I've been thinking of doing?" I asked.

"What?"

"Working at an animal shelter or something." (we both like to watch "Animal Cops" and our whole family are real animal lovers). "I'd like to volunteer a couple of hours every-other weekend or something."

"I was thinking the same thing!" she said.

"Maybe that's something we could do together, and then we could talk about what we saw that day, etc." I said.

I'm going to look into it. A woman I work with is very involved with a local rescue organization, and I'm sure she'd be a good place to start.

Yesterday we went to the mall and did some Christmas exchanges. On our way out, I asked her if she wanted to go for a Starbucks, which she almost never turns down. Instead, she said "Do you know what I could REALLY go for? A presidente margarita."

So I said "OK, let's go to that new Chili's that opened up, and I'll get you your margarita, and we can sit in the bar because there's a football game I'd like to watch (NFL playoff game)."

She immediately agreed, and we had a GREAT time, just talking and dreaming and drinking and eating chips & queso. I watched some football but also just talked to her, and LISTENED to her. I told her I missed that she used to watch Jaguars games with me. We then brought the boys home some take-out from there, got changed, and went out and saw "Seven Pounds" (GREAT movie!!!), and then went to our favorite local pub for some live music and a final drink, and this morning we made love.

It's been an incredible 24 hours.

Puppy

Puppy, that was beautiful.

Made me tear up. You are truly blessed.

H4U, it seems like both your wife and you may be waiting for a next step. I can't wait 'till you get that dang bed.

Thanks guys.

I do see hope. I just hope it happens before I can't give any more, but with Puppy's news, I have renewed strength.

H4H, man, I hope you're right. If she's sleeping in bed with me, that will make any kind of affection so much more spontaneous as her sleeping on the couch puts a damper on that.

So, yep, bed can't get here quick enough.

I'm really looking forward to our night out of town in a couple weeks. This week, both W and I are going to be extremely busy with work. Next week I have to go out of town for a couple nights for work, which will be good for my PMA and for her to miss me some. Then on the 17th, it's the concert, dinner/drinks/hotel. Man, if we don't connect on a night like that, maybe there's no hope.

We're going to see Pat Dailey btw. For anyone who's seen him, you have to love him. For those that haven't, check him out on line and if he's in your area, go see him. His shows might be a little racy for some, but he's very talented and freakin funny. I'd post the chorus of my favorite song of his, but I might get banned.