Jeff, take one day at a time. Backing off could benefit your sanity, we want to hang on every positive thing we see, but It will eat us up if we continue to expect something more.
Ask the Lord for guidance and strength.I know how hard this is, my heart goes out to you. Keep doing things for you.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Jeff, It's good to be hopeful, but I think your expectations were set a bit too high. Drop the expectations back down to zero and step back for a while. Believe it or not, your wife can sense the changes and that may have scared her a bit. Give her a bit more space and just let things be. Focus more on you and your interests and allow her to come to you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are right I set my expectations too high, I guess there has been quite a lot of positive stuff happening and I set myself up.
On a good note, I left my W alone all day and didn't hear from her. I was hoping and praying that somehow her going out for drinks would turn into a positive. Well a the end of the day I felt compelled to text my W , I was thinking of something different based on Jody's recommendation. A snow storm was forecasted so I sent her a text giving her a heads up and and put something funny in it. Later she responded thanking me and she will bring her work home in case she couldn't drive in. she also asked me how my day went. Positive.
She then called and left a message for me to call her. ???? I called her back and without getting too much into it we talked openly and honestly about a lot ,I let her lead.
She talked about one day she doesn't want to try the next day she might etc. She also said that she had a good friendship with OM but it crossed the line. I believe she went out with him last night too see if they could just be friends, because the next comment was now that she crossed the line with him she couldn't go back to that friendship. Again time will tell but someone said that it takes a few time to leave for good.
She asked me how I felt about that "you must be thinking I knew it or I told you so and you must be angry" That one caught me off guard, I replied "I've dealt with it I'm not angry or bitter but I will be honest it makes me feel awkward". Now I don't know if it was the right response but I was trying to make it so that she doesn't think that I would be so angry I wouldn't take her back. I didn't want to dwell on that because I didn't think it was the right time. I figure we will have to have that conversation but only when would becoming stronger.
We talked about alot more, she said she doesn't want to be unfair to me and that she would be nervous about doing stuff together if it didn't work out. I said lets just have fun as friends and get to know each other that way "no pressure. She said I may not be home after work but if not I will be with my mother.
I could sense she was zoning out so I said I have talked too much, she said no you didn't and I replied we can talk later and let her go.
Finally, I finished work and did some errands I picked up groceries to cook some diner with only me in mind. For some reason I cooked enough for both of us, but still wasn't expecting her home. Well she walks in to door and I had dinner ready, lucky or what, she enjoyed dinner again said thanks. I oculd tell she was thinking so I just let her be and have gone to bed early.
Prayer works every time I feel down something positive happens. I just have to have no expectations so I don't ride the roller coaster
That's the saga for now, who knows what tomorrow will bring
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Your doing well, keep it up. It sounds like you can read her pretty well. I have spoke with Jody twice. She is great. I actually have one more session with her from way back in June that I have never used. She opened my eyes to a lot. It sucked though because this was before I realized that my wife didn't fall under the normal walkaway. I have been going back and forth on whether or not I should or could use my last session from June.
Hello Jeff, Your wife sounds like my Ex...one day yes to try and then the next day no that he wasn't interested..it was a great rollercoaster that I was on.. Just keep a PMA while this goes on...He used to talk to me about the other women too..that was always so hard but I think that he thought that it was okay but man it was hard...you are doing great in your DBing and you have great restraint with the talks..no expectations is a great way to be Good Luck to you and your doing great.. ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Ya Jody was great I am going to call her again soon I feel that I am at a crucial point. Maybe you should give her a call it may help give you some focus or a new perspective. It kind of re-energizes me.
This morning I texted my Wife just to tell her that the roads were bad (we had a snow storm). She called my cell phone and left a message saying " thanks for the heads up, I am going to make a lasagna tonight, hope you have a good day." Later I when I got home |I saw the grocery lists and texted her that it was a crappy drive I can pick up the ingredients. Let me know it will be one less thing for you to do. She texted back sure, thanks
She got home and was in a bit of a mood, so I back off she made the lasagna.
During the evening she was on the phone talking loudly I could sort of hear it but only bits, but she wasn't trying to hide her conversation. It sounded like she was talking about our relationship and bad timing (i think it might be about another guy) but she was giggling like a school girl. I don't know what she was trying to do but I resisted the temptation to try and listen I went about my chores. I get the feeling that she may be trying now to show me that other guys are interested or that she is interested( i don't know) because yesterday she told me that she wished I would date and have sex, because she wanted too. I said I don't want too, she said I want too but I know I don't need it. I think she may been trying to get me to date or something so that she won't feel guilty.
She seemed different today as opposed to the conversation yesterday. At this stage of the game I know to expect it. I will still be consistent and be faithful.
Just keep plugging along but if she starts dating I think she has to move out. I am probably overreacting again and I am hoping om is out of the picture. Again she may be reacting to some feelings about or conversation. She has been seeing my consistency.
Ciao
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Selfish, Superficial, and pointless. Just like them, and yes you will take a huge load of guilt off her shoulders and give her justification to do just about whatever.
Testing and button pushing as well....Stay strong my brotha. I have had two perfect chances to date.
N O spells hell no. You know how far you have come, how hard you have fought and exactly what your fighting for. Dont make it all for nothing because no matter what happens you are still married and you would be doing this to yourself.
I know you probably didn't need to hear all that, but hey we are all human and temptation comes in many forms.
Keep on the path. There should be a pair of footprints for you to follow.
I have been accused of dating because I act happy. She also said she would be pissed, this was on Christmas.
I can also remember a few months ago she said I deserve better.
