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Oh sure, just rub it in !!! LOL

I'm delighted that you two share that. I have another friend that has an amazing physical connection with her H. I'm envious of her as well.

I wonder if one day, maybe, perhaps, I'll be beyond my demons of the past to have intense passionate connection with my H ?

now see, here I am, but you are not.

Hey T,

Thanks for checking on me, I posted on my thread and could really use some "men's" point of view on manly thinkings.

Well, in catching up on your situation, I am as confused as ever. You know we have discussed briefly this "attraction" thing before. I don't know if that is much of reason for maintaining a marriage but I know if that's one obstacle you don't face it's a plus. I really enjoy that time with my H and always have. But then, all my GF's have always thought I was weird or different and I never could understand why they didn't "feel like it".

Have you tried "refusing" that part with her. If so, what happened? If not, why not try the 180?

Blessings

Well without giving up the secret recipe to our wonderful between the sheets stuff, I will do my best to briefly and concisely share (in a tactful way) what my thoughts on the matter are.

For one thing, as is the case with many things, there surely is no secret for me to divulge to anybody with reagard to the ML. The only edge that I hold over anybody (if in fact I even do) is that I dedicate myself to my beautiful darling in an extra-special way when it comes to us ML. By my nature I tend to alter my patterns of doing most anything in life ..my drive to and from work, the walks I take Rue on, etc. And this pays off in the bedroom or wherever we happen to ML ..lol.

So ..as I am on this kick of passing out ML advice, I think the best advice that I can give is to treat it as the amazing gift that the Lord has given us to indulge in. You get out of it what you put into it (the age old expression ..and nothing more). So if you appraoch it from the standpoint of setting ML as the joyous ocassion that it is meant to be between a H & W. Place it on a pedestal on which nothing else that is going on in life whether good or bad will have any bearing upon ML.

I happen to be dealing with the double edged sword that allows for the isolation of our intimate times together not to be interfered in any way by any kiddos and all that being a parent entails (for the most part my SD20 has an almost negligible interference role ..damn text messages ..lol). So we get to practice the baby-making procedure (I almost typed ..drill ..then I remembered that I am tactful ..lol ..honest too )

One of these days I hope that my dream of having my darling bring our child into the world will be realized. Until then we will be a practicin'.

It starts with desire for intimacy ..& it builds more intimacy. The Lord's plan with this and all things is indeed perfect.

Oh and you are confused miss sanycay are ya?

Well that makes two of us!


T

but it is a smiling confusion for me. It pays to be ignorant ..lol!!

and after my nappy. I may just have a need for some definite advice for a friend of mine from Yooouuuzz!

To give you a thumbnail jumpstart on what it pertains to.

Don't know if I have any mention of the "hot-button topic" as it pertains to this friend and his beautiful W on my thread from earlier having mentioned it. I know it was on somebody's thread that I mentioned it.

But the subject matter for scenarios sake is ..lets just say that there is this woman who really feels incredibly lousy about her body and the many sugeries that she has endured (and I mean many) which have left a bunch of sizable scars. Well this woman's biggest scar was from an abdominal vertical incision that she is repulsed by and has let these scars drain her of all her ability to feel good about herself. No bathing suits, and because of a bunch of weight gain she will not socialize or spend hardly any time around family or make friends cuz she can not fight off the demons that cause her to feel hideous.

If let's say this same woman were to go to a semi-Godly man and someone who places an emphasis on doing right by the Lord and she were to ask that man for some sort of partial financial help in her getting her dream surgery to make her body all better again so that she can hurdle through life with a new attitude and a new bunch of other stuff not altogether known by the man.

What advice might you offer up to this handsome young lad ..anyone ??

Cuz when I see him again he is expecting some kind of feedback





T

If they were in a committed, married relationship... I say Yes! Why? Because I have/am in that W's situation..kinda.

I am naturally petite....my ring size is a 4... I am 5'2 and change. Now, when I birthed my first child my stomach was stretched beyond repair. The muscles seperated during my ninth month and the skin lost all elasticity. Then on my 2nd birth I had an emergency c-section. Now the skin has a nice little shelf to hang off... Yuck. Not for him but for me it's a downer. Then to top it off...3 years ago my thyroid went wacko and I gained more weight than I did with both pregnancies. I have lost that with lots of hard running and work. What I am getting at is that even when I weigh 110, I still have tummy yuckies! It just tucks better in jeans. My skin just didn't have the elasticity to recover and the muscles are forever apart. If this W ever wants to get pregnant this type of surgery is not recommended until all pregnancies are done.

So, I am saying if she has these issues and is overweight it's a huge mental for some it is/was for me. I have always wanted to get my tummy fixed and have consulted a surgeon finally and am considering. However, the scar from the surgery is prominent, but I am already scarred from pelvic to pelvic to so would I rather have a scar with skin hang or flat tummy with a scar... Duh! I wish I would have done it years ago after the birth of last child. It bothers me but I don't want it to be a rash decision based on what has happened in the last year. I have discussed with my C about this as well. I will say that in order to have good results you should be within 15 pounds of your goal weight. Per the surgeon I saw.

I feel guilty about the money and it seems vain in some respects but my C sees it differently. She says it's time for me to do something for me. On the money ..... it will be cheaper than what was spent during our S so maybe I feel I "deserve" it. But then that doesn't feel right either. I wrestle with taking the plunge as the recovery is long and H has to take 2 weeks off to care for me....

Did that help?

you know, every person is different. my friend and I go back and forth with the whole boobjob thing. she's pretty much as flat as me, maybe moreso, but she's also skinnier and taller than me. As christians, we both feel that we should be happy with what God has given us, but when she's going to a church where ALL the women our age are doing it, women that are twice or 3x as big as us already, kinda makes us feel like...well...crappy.

now, I will never say I won't ever do it, although at this moment in time, even though I would like to, (one because my H loves them big and to look normal ) I know that God did not make my body just so that I would look at it and say, "hmm God, you didn't make this right, so I'm gonna fix it".

now, sometimes we go thru experiences that leave us feeling less than beautiful. less than ugly even sometimes. and some of us may even come into this world with cosmetic problems, but where do we draw the line? ex., at a cleft lip, at breast cancer, at crooked nose, vericose veins, unwanted hair, large hips, whatever. I don't know that any of us can really answer that question. There were no surgeries during Jesus' time. I do think that it is possibly based on the individual. For instance when Paul talks about being able to eat whatever...but if eating this unclean thing causes his brother to fall, then he will not eat it. So I think perhaps it should apply the same way.

I also believe that people should not rely on looks to make themselves happy. It is really God that we need to look to for our happiness, and if we need surgery to make ourselves happy, then we'll always find something else wrong with ourselves to have surgery for and make us happy again.

But, I do understand how somethings, for a woman, can really cause turmoil emotionally.

If she really has this many scars, and all these things that have changed her body from when she was younger, than this is very important to her.

I think that if you are very set in not helping her financially, you need to make that decision. It's not your obligation to do it anyways, unless you owed her money. at this moment, you are not a M couple...although under the eyes of God... but SHE is not being your wife, so IMHO you do not have this obligation.

however, you should be very compassionate and supportive. perhaps saying something like..

"W, I never realized how strongly you felt about this and how important it is to you. What is difficult for me, is that I think God made you perfect. I've always thought you are extremely beautiful and I believe you are beautiful inside and outside. I believe that happiness lies within and with God, and this is why I find it difficult to be okay with loaning this money."

I'm not even sure that this would be good either. I don't know that anything you say will not make her mad. But you can't buy her love either, and she also needs to see that too.

What would be the 180 for you? saying yes or saying no. (in regards with paying for what she wants ?)

Thank you so much sandy and crissy.

....My friend will have a great deal to consider on this matter.

Good thing he takes it up in prayer!!

I did not see that among your comments ..how come? ha ha.

Almost like it was a test of sorts.


All kidding aside..thank you so much for the extremely insightful and beneficial info.

And if there is any more out there from either of you or anyone else ..let 'er rip!

And crissy ...you seem to have left the scenario that was posed. What on earth got into you thinking that this is somehow involving my darling ...........??


T