Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Time for ME to change...scared as hell...

look back through the many many pages of my threads, do you not think that I have learned to be kind, to forgive, and to love unconditionally? Long long time ago. After ALL this man has done, all I have done as reactions to him, all of doesn't matter at the end of the day. I still love him with all my heart.

the defeat I am talking about is accepting the reality that I have lost and may never have the life and the man that meant so very much to me again. Not saying that I will stop living my life. Life still goes on, just not the way I had planned. Just giving up on my old dreams and trying to come up with new ones.

You are saying you lost..........

If you think that way then you will lose. You have to make changes for/within yourself and if you still think you have lost, then how can you even think your h will someday come back.

MWG, yes I have lost alot of things...

I cannot help but think this way anymore. This reality keeps jumping up and slapping me in the face. I am thinking that I have held so much faith in who I THOUGHT my H really was. It really doesn't seem true anymore.

A very long time ago my H and I sold almost everything we had and set out to move to SLC Utah. We were on the road with all we had left in our truck. My H says to me, "you know, we are more than H and W, you are my partner in life". That has kept me here for so long. I believed that with everything in me. Truth is he didn't believe it. He doesn't believe it. He lied. Or changed his mind. It is high time I let that go.

"then how can you even think your h will someday come back"
that's what I am saying...I don't think I do anymore...and not because I don't think I am not worthy or that it couldn't work. But because I think that my H doesn't have the courage or the faith to ever do the work to make this work out. He has given up all the good in his life for what, for OW, for alcohol, for a life of misery.

see, when you have faith in God, then the way you think will change. God moves many mountains and does the impossible. maybe you need to increase your faith and think positive instead of in the negative.

better yourself and when you do that, you eliminate all of this lost feeling.

i will say it does take awhile and that is why we say it is a long and narrow road.

Hi TOH, Happy New Year to you. Make it the year you want it to be.
Lots of hard work ahead of you but I know you are not afraid of that.
Lots of opportunities,lots of choices and lots of new prospects.
Yes it is scary, it can be exciting too.

They had to drag me kicking and screaming into a new life, the forced sale of my beloved home, leaving the place I had lived for over 20 years, raised my children,and made a new garden and cultivated land-I had made my life's work, so I know the loss you speak off.

The hopes and dreams the life you thought you had the future you thought was mapped out, growing old together with the love of your life, all gone, lost.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO now begins the choices,for you and your children, animals, pets all those who rely on you. Scary wow yes but what is the alternative?
You are still young and a whole world and life awaits you. Do not let this man rob you of anymore of it.

Good for you for getting your craft area ready, you obviously are a creative person so create the picture/painting of the life you want/wish for. H is NOT ALLOWED in those paintings, pictures.That's the rule.

So many of us have trod this path before you, so many have lost all we held dear and yet we ar all still here, living a different life, a better life in many cases.

Some of us live it alone but fill it with joy and happiness just the same. Many have new partners and can't believe how long they stared at the closed door, wishing and hoping.In truth many have said the life they pinned for only existed in their heads. The reality was of a much different marriage.

I sometimes feel you get a hard time from some posters but I know they just care about you and are willing you to move ahead.
Get yourself a bonfire going and write down all your negative thoughts, cards, pictures anything that keeps you stuck in the past, in the what was. Watch as it is consummed by the fire,til all thats left are ashes, bury those if you wish and give them a decent burial!

Then START anew, blank canvas all for you.

I wish you every happiness in your new life, I wish you confidence in your own ability to rise from the ashes. To turn to a fresh new page in the first day of the rest of your life.
How good is that, a clean slate. Hurt and pain all wiped away. You are cleansed and have a heart that is just waiting to be filled with all the good things that you will make happen.
I am sad that so many good and wonderful people who used to be in surviving are gone now but I would suggest you read over there.

Time to move ahead, maybe MLC is not for you. Post wherever that's just my op.
Take time away and just get your plans formulated. Sorry this is sooo long but I needed to "talk" to you.
I just know you are going to make this a year for you.

you know, if you get your craft stuff going, it will certainly get your mind off of your h. getting involved in something you really like is very positive and helps you to focus on you and how you can make that craft take off.

in the last month i began my own little side thing and i am really involved in it, to the point, that i wish i had more time to dedicate to it.

sometimes i ask myself why i am going to a job where i may work 2-3 days a week for under thirty dollars per day when i can focus on what i am doing out of my home and on my computer without having to go anywhere except to pick up things i need to continue building my product base.

what i am saying is that it is really good to get the focus off of another person.

for me, i think it is good that my h sees what i am doing and how i am improving at what i am doing slowly but surely and doing it for me not him.

you will get there, too, it just takes time.

Dear TOH,
You fixing a corner in the basement for painting is a
great idea for yourself... now use it.

These are the baby steps that we do for ourselves. More will come.

Thinking about your future and what to do can be overwhelming and hard.. take it one step at a time...you are doing well..

I am sorry that NYEve was hard.... holidays of any kind bring back the good times and what we had...it is hard but it will get better..we tend to grasp the familiar because it is what we know
and are comfortable with and makes us remember the good and not the bad. It is very scary to think of the future when you are in such limbo..but when you think of the future think of what YOU are about and what it can possibly hold for YOU and your girls..

I repeat to myself all the time "don't look back" and it really helpes me and still does on days that I get down it's been 2 years since D and yet I still fall down in the pit but not for long... I choose to live with optimisim and a positive outlook.. I know that you are not there yet but doing things for YOU will make such a difference in yourself...
I hope that I have helped...

((((TOH))) Itsy

oh my gosh...
thank you, thank you, thank you...
thanks for being such good friends...
TOH

TOH,
Everyone wants to see you be a success with your crafts. You may think we are very hard on you, but we aren't. We are just trying to help you over the huge hurdle that's be sitting in your way for such a long time.

Now, that you've cleaned out a nice spot for your work area, I say go, girl! You can do this. You are going to be a success! Never say can't, because we all know that you can do whatever you put your mind to.

I second this. You can do this toh. If we were neighbors we would all be there to help you. Create activities that are all yours to carry you thru the down times.

Your life is what you make it.