Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Walk-Away-Spouse Episode IV: A New Hope (?)

Called W. She was being quiet again. Says she's just feeling sick and tenesed up with everything. I say I understand. I asked her if anything had happened with boys since we spoke as they were being rather anti-social to me this morning and she said nothing had happened and doesn't understand. Apparently things weren't all that great with OM since our 'talk' but understandable, she has to rely on him for a ride to work and what not.

When I asked her what the plans for the week was with the boys she said she didn't know, doesn't know about anything, it's "all so crazy". Again, I understand, but it's your craziness you made. W says she'll try and wait out for me to get home tonight and try and figure something out.

I threw a 'feeler' question in there tho, and asked her if the crock-pot she took on the way out Saturday was being completely "repossesed" as I do use it often, she only said, there is another one.

Keep your chin up. I have heard that when this happens there is some side stepping and serious confusion. It is work for her to come back to you and it does sound like she wants to, but then there is the hurting somebody else and promises I am sure he is making.

continue on "as if" which I am sure is very difficult right now. I can't imagine, hopefully I wll soon, but right now, everything you have done to this point is being tested. you need to hold fast onto what you have accomplished, what you believe and the you you have become.

thanks again for the post on my site, I like having people look after me to make sure I am not failing.

I'm all good. Just sometimes I can be my own worst enemy and never stop anayzing everything.

I was put to the test royally as one of our mutual friends showed up out of the blue shortly after W left on Saturday. I knew it was a 'scope him out and see what he says about what just happened' scinerio. To which I devuldged nothing other than we spoke for a while, made some good progress and somebody has some conscience issues.

I know she's confused, but I'm not so sure as to about what. Like I said, she pretty much relies on him for transportation and no doubt in someway some kind of financial support. Then there's the "I don't want to hurt the kids' stuff, that I really don't want to hear. But then again, that could all be well and true.

I just know that now two times in a row, I have sat, saw and conversed with the real person who was my W, not some fake, not someone who was darting out the door at a moments notice after looking for a fight. This person didn't want to leave, and yet again seemed to be screaming for some type of mental assurance and physical affection that just ain't happenening just yet. What's that term, baby steps?

I also know she's now embarrased, embarassed of what she's done in front of her family friends and how it's echoed across the village. That's going to make 'being friends' a bit rough, but for me I'd rather be right out there in front of everyone who thinks I'm purely nuts for still wanting her back, and stick it in their face and show them what determination and marriage is all about. Any jackarse can get a divorce, but only the strong can accomplish what I hope I'm on the verge of.

I just know she'll want to move if things pan out well and we get through this. She already flat-out indicated that she absolutely will not move back in our house, understood, too much stress. That damn house is pretty much all the reason for this grief.

Well, I'd best get some work done.

What the hay happened to AmyC, could really use her take on the situation of the situation.

That's my mindset as well. I pray to God I get the opportunity. I was wondering the same thing about Amy.

Arragh!

Terrible night, my boys were absolutely unruley and I don't know what the heck happened this weekend over there but they came back in complete disarray.

Couple that with a nagging sense of questioning the intent of W's recent need to communicate, and 'true feelings' but then not showing up or having the decency to call about the kids, equals recipe for disaster. Made no contact to W for any reason, no text, no nothing, boy was I tempted but figured nah. Then the voices in the back of the head get kicking in "she's been this cold hearted to you thus far, what says she's not lying". It gets hard to reassure your own self that she's reverting back from being that 'evil' person and just needs time. Just don't understand why HE gets time but I didn't? I didn't get a chance to realize what happened until it was all said and done

Eh well, I have faith the ultimate answer will come soon enough on it's own. Thanks to Amy for 'dropping by' that helped so much. To tell you the truth, things got so bad last night, I sent everybody, self included to bed at 9:20. then at about 1:30am I started waking up every 20 minutes or so. Finally just ended up staying awake at 3:30 and doing laundry and dishes all the while my stomache was killing me, haven't felt this way since the end of August or so.

so, I just need to get home tonight and pray the boys are in much better moods so we can go about our time together and keep my mind off of whatever it is that "needs" to go on between W and OM before things can get better for us.

Just sucks, first no communication, then 'ugly' communication, to a truce, then a ray of hope to back to no communication.

DANG IT!

Keep checking my phone like every other minute for missed calls as I sometimes don't feel the phone vibrate in my pocket.

Finally I get the 'new text' alert at one of W's normal break times. So i get all excited thinking it's her, but NO it's a friend circulating a stupid joke that I'll probably 10 more times from 10 different people by the time the day is done and have to start paying for message overages.

Waiting stinks! Just venting and keeping the hope alive andn well.

stop it!
Stop it! Stop it!

finding something to do and occupy your mind. I know it is hard to be this close and yet so far. your in a good place, don't get too excited and scare her off. the path back, I am told, is more difficult then the path out.

I am extremely frustrated because I wanna be where you are. I am having a tough day at work, sleep is for crap, and yes I know I keep askingHim for the "reconciliation or not " question, but I need to stop that as well and focus on me and my things. Which I am doing.

I am getting busy with finding a better job. do something or you will drive yourself bonkers. And remember, when she calls, wait a few before you answer. Keep the cool, calm and reservced thing going for you.

relax, I'm fine.

Well, last night with the boys was MUCH better. S10 got about 3/4 of his essay done he was supposed to do over x-mas break and neglected to mention anything about. He actually did his own research and put together a fairly well written paper. S11, still a bit stand-offish, but this morning got up with out any arguement unlike yesterday. Both of which went to bed voluntarily early. again, don't know what goes on 'over there' but when they come back they are always tired and cranky.

BIL was 'over there' helping FIL sort through some stuff he's accumulated over the years and throw some stuff out. Then apparent FIL went ape on W regarding the condition of his house she's living in. I asked out of curiosity if OM was there to defend her honor, he was not (wonder if he ever had the brass to ask for her hand in marriage either)

So, that brings us to today, which I think is going to be a MAJOR indicator of everything. As usual on Wednesday's I plan to take the boys to dinner and get out for a bit (not in budget, but I don't care) , relax and spend social time together (dinner at home cooking for 7 kind of forbays this). BUT, I have now had the boys for 2 nights straight. So since W and I never discussed a plan for this week with them, here's what I'm thinking:

1-She's driving that wedge between her and OM as she said she would and will allow me have them for the duration of the week to 'ween' them off of OM.

2-Most of #1 and W will join us for dinner? That'd be nice

3-W takes them after dinner, maybe still joins leaving half a hope?

4-W takes them before I get home as been done previously and keeps them tonight and tomorrow and shows me that nothing is being done.

I still have hope and belief at this point, I know it's "hard" for her. I would take much comfort in knowing that she has made other arrangements to get her to work in the morning, that would be huge. Once again only time will tell, and so far it's looking up, or so it seems.

I am very envious of you. My W is calling D17 almost every weeknight to come over and spend time with her. D17 never seems overwhelmed when I pick her up. she was cranky when I took her over today. she didn't have school due to storm. I am thinking D17 is going over because her mom wants her too, not because she wants to. Hard to say. Not looking to hard at the relationship, just D17's attitude.

Good luck for you man, I mean it, god speed....