Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? I really messed it up. Sorry so long

Okay, I found thiis online on a divorce website for my state. Is it possible she really hasn't looked for a lawyer and is just telling me that?

3. How do I get a legal separation?
Technically, there is no legal separation in XXXXXXXX. However, you can get an order from the Family Court for separate maintenance. The Order of Separate Maintenance will outline all the provisions necessary to protect the parties during a separation.

Bump...did everyone forget about me?

Everyone seems to have abandoned me in my posts, but I will continue posting updates anyway.

So, some things happened since I last posted...some good...some bad (the bad could be all in my head...I don't know, but it definitly costed me some sleep last night.

Okay, the good first. I was at work last night, and I send W a text message asking her if I could call her later that evening. She, after waiting an hour or so, txted back with a yes. So, I call her. I don't know if DB would support what I did, I tend to doubt it, but...

Basically, I told her that before we went on to paperwork, I felt that even though she was set in her decision, that we should sit down with a mediator before we did anything permanent. I suggested I set something up down there to make the whole thing easier for her...after kickin it around for a bit, we decided on the elder at my church that I have been seeing. She wants to try at get it done this week if at all possible. At first, she said she wanted to do it because she felt I wasn't hearing her. Then she changed it to neither one of us is hearing the other one. We both agreed that we are going to go into it with an open mind. She said she doesn't know about a second session, but has agreed to sit down with him at least once. I didn't beg, plead, ask over and over, cry...I just spoke in normal talking, asked her once, and she was agreeable about the whole thing. Ultimately we talked for a pretty decent amount of time...no arguing, no nothing, so I felt really good about it.

Onto the bad...this morning I got home from work. I check my email, which I always do before lying down. Alot of my emailing goes through myspace...to which my wife is on the friend's list. If any of you are familiar...your friend's bullitens are listed down the center of the page...my W is a friend on there. I see one from her that says, "I don't want a lot of questions about my relationship status"...this led me to click on it to read the rest of it. The rest of the bulliten said that "I just did it because I do NOT want to be persued by anyone." So I think, she put it at 'married' (she previously had 'divorced' listed), then I decide to check her page and see her relationship status, and it reads "in a relationship" So many things jump through my mind...is she on the level on why she did it...could there really be OM? If she os on the level...who is persuing her...I know I shouldn't have looked, but it was just staring at me.

We're still here. Weekends tend to really be slow around these boards.

First about the Legal Separation. I'm not sure, but I looked up some info, and as far as I can see. If both parties don't sign the papers or if both parties DON'T agree to the separation, it automatically becomes a divorce. THAT is what I can see about it so far, but I'm no expert. I just looked up some info, because my h told me that he's filing today for legal sep

It's a very good thing that she agreed to see the church elder. VERY GOOD. You need to be strong during the meeting. No tears, just business-like. What she needs most right now is to see that you are OK on your own. Even though you are dying inside, she can't see that. Even if you breakdown the minute you get in your car, don't let her see it.

Now, about the possibility of an OM. This can be the one thing that will kill you. Wondering "who", and "is there". Try not to go down that road as hard as it is to avoid. I know for myself, I can't avoid it and always wonder about it, but I may never know the truth, and I have to be alright about not knowing. You too may never know. But the thoughts will kill you.

I know I'm not much help, I'm in a pretty deep funk right now, and have been unable to pull myself up. I'll pray for you, really. Please do the same for me.

Absolutly I will pray for you...

I just spoke to my wife...I called to talk to the kids, and ended up talking to her as well, only a couple of min though. We talked about the meeting at the church...I told her that I had attempted to call him, but he is at a retreat until Wed, so I will have to wait until then to try and set this thing up. My W is okay with setting up next week, if that's what has to be done. I would really like to get this ball rollin' quickly, but we'll see. The convo also somehow went to the whole relationship status thing...she said that she had recieved unsolicited emails to her from guys (not outlandish...you can search for people on there based on rel status....and she was not going to put 'married' as her status, but felt that the 'in a rel' bit would curb that...for some reason I tend to believe her...it gives me peace at any rate, so I can live with that.

Great. Now that she's answered you regarding her relationship status, DON'T BRING IT UP AGAIN. I'm glad that it brought a bit of relief to you. Be patient with the "ball rollin" thing. This is a LONG process (You can look at my timeline in my sig). It's up to you only if you're up for it. I personally believe that marriage is worth fighting for, but it can be daunting when you feel like your doing it alone. Rejoice Ministries has a a lot of helpful info, and is a great source for the sometimes lonely stander.

ETA: And THANK YOU for your prayers!

I spoke to a good friend last night...our wives are actually good friends as well. He hasn't spoken or hear from my wife in a couple of weeks, so what he knows is the way things were then...but he said some things to me that have been making me feel a little defeated...he told me that he thinks it would take a miracle for this marriage to be saved...I know that our God is a god of miracles, but it really weighed on my soul. Please keep me in your prayers.

So, I called my wife today...no mention of lawyer talk in about a week, so that is good. We spoke together today when I called to boys...nothing serious, just basic stuff, finances, etc. There was a lot of chipper in her voice, she laughed a couple of times...at times it almost felt like the problem was not there...I don't know if that's good or bad though...I hope it's good. Patiently waiting to hear from the guy from church, as he will be back tomorrow...ideally Friday would be the best day to meet for my wife, so hopefully he will be able to do that...I will let all of you know how that goes.

Well, went to therapy today...not quite sure how I felt about how that went...oh well. Haven't gotten a phone call from the guy at the church yet...I was really hoping to hear from him today, that way my wife would have plenty of time to make arrangements for Friday. I really didn't want to wait till next week for this thing. I guess if I have to, I have to.