I think you're right. She is very manipulative and a world-class cake eater. And, I honestly don't think I can hold up much longer, especially given that there is another person involved. I think it's fairly obvious that she can't even consider me as an option when someone else is in the pic. She does things like say she wants to go on family trips, she even should me these mini-key chains with the names of the two other kids we were planning on having. She says and does all the right things around me so that she can have a good free-wheeling time, and then when she thinks I'm not listening, she tells her friends that she sees no future for us and that she is moving on in September. I'm really beginning to realize that what she is telling her friends is the truth and what she does in front of me is strictly manipulation and selfishness and I'm just sick of it. I think I'm going to have a conversation with her today and let her know that I'm going to put the house up for sale and that I want a divorce. I just don't see any other options. I do still love her and would love to have a great marriage with her, but those feelings are definitely one-sided and that just isn't enough.
I'm sorry it sounds like you're going through a rough time now. ((((wp)))) They say something like believe none of what they say, and I think that is true. Better to look at actions.
We have a 48-hour rule here that you should wait 48 hours before making any major decisions and see if you feel the same. That one has saved me a lot of trouble! I think you are having a lot of black-white thinking now too. I do think when your WAS is having an active A it doesn't do much good to expect anything from your WAS. You could also just give yourself a time limit like 3 months or 6 months or whatever. If nothing changes or gets better by then, if your W isn't willing to work on the marriage by then you can file for D. It's such an awful process I wouldn't do it unless you were 100% convinced. Karen
When they say not to believe what they say, does that apply to what you overhear them saying to a friend of theirs? Because I feel like that's the only time they are actually honest. I don't believe anything she says to me, but it's hard to not believe what I overhear her saying to her friend. I do like the suggestion of the 48 hour rule, but it's so hard because that just gives her 48 more hours to hang more carrots in front of me. She's actually very clear about what she wants: she wants me to stay in the house w/our D4, she will get her own place and have her own relationship, she will continue to pretend we are a family (i.e. dinners together, outings, etc.), and this will do on indefinitely. Oh, and by the way, she has also said that she doesn't see either of us remarrying. For example, I told her once that I would remarry in time and it would no longer be appropriate for us to go "family vacations" to which she responded that this is her family and no one can tell her that we can't still go on vacations together. She just wants it all, and as long as she is getting it all I don't see a reason for her to change. I'm going to pray about this for the next 48 hours and see where the Lord leads me. I just can't live like this for the rest of my life, especially when I know for certain that she is continuing to speak to the OM (I saw a text from him to her yesterday, nothing obvious, just him saying he was leaving and would call her later). WP
Yes, I will include that in our conversation if it happens. I don't see why not.
I think that's good too, & maybe I'm too cynical, but I would see her most likely lying to you though. You heard the convo wrong or something like that. But you never know I guess....Karen
I'm so sorry that you are having a rough day. Today was tough for me as well. I'm starting to wonder if we should have to try in front of our spouse while they get to have a great time turning the situation around to suit them. I encourage you to pray about what you want to do, and really listen to God's word. That's the only thing saving my sanity right now.
I'm not holding up well at all. Today was horrible. After going on an overnight roadtrip and having a very nice New Year's Eve, and then waking up to hear my W say she didn't see a future for us I just sort of lost it. I was very distant for most of the day, but by mid-day I couldn't take it anymore, so after talking/arguing I told her that I needed to sell the house and that she needed to file. She said that I'm not threatening her with that because that's what she wants. I just can't go on like this. It is very difficult to look at her as just a friend when I want so much more. I think it is better for me if we have minimal contact from now on, but then I'm left wondering how we will ever have a chance at a future relationship w/out any contact. I can't help but feel like I blew an opportunity to show her a different me. She's now more determined than ever to move back out of the house because she said I proved after only 1 day that this was a bad idea. But she was talking about that before I "proved" anything, so I just wonder if this is just more fog. I don't know. I may never know. I keep screwing up by letting her see me cry and know exactly how I feel. I just can't seem to hold it in. I feel like a royal a**! I'm just as confused as ever, but I don't know why because I keep hearing the same thing from her, that she does not want to repair things with me. The part that confuses me is when she says that she doesn't know what God holds for us in the future. I don't know why that confuses me, but it does. Also all the other little carrots she dangles in front of me. Like yesterday she was talking about us getting a home equity loan to replace all of our windows. Even tonight she told me she doesn't talk to the OM very often, even though I know for a fact they spoke just yesterday. I didn't say anything about this, though, because I don't want to let her know what I know anymore. I guess I'm still caught in her web...
I think that you need to step back a mile. Stop all the talk, stop looking into things, and stop interacting as much as possible. In other words GAL. You are a good person, and need to remember that this is not about you. This is about her. SHE is the one who can't decide. SHE is the one with the OM. So pick yourself up by your bootstraps, hug your D, and start taking care of yourself. Pray about what you need/want right now and listen to the answers.
