He hasn't conferred with me for 3 years about gifts. He hasn't wanted to give gifts from 'mom and dad' since he moved out.
He probably wants to split the cost on some. I'm okay with that...that is how it should be. This is the first xmas or bday that he's admitted to being stressed about money.
I so wanted to tell him that I'm stressed because a huge chunk of my money is sitting in a friggin lawyers office!!! ''
But...I held that in.
I am mad at myself though for telling him about invitations for new years and what the kids and I had thought about doing xmas eve and xmas day.... and including him. He didn't jump at them saying 'yea..that would be great'...he didn't sound enthused at all...so I wish I didn't mention anything.
I told him though that these were just ideas and offers for xmas eve, xmas and new years...we didn't have any plans set. I don't want to be accused of 'leaving him out'...let him decide what he wants to partake in. He's not planning fun that includes his kids...or me.
All this interaction, and working together for the kids xmas, is more than we've done in 3 years...Instead of 'doing it himself' he's actually asking for my opinion and idea!!....does he REMEMBER he sued me for D?????
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
Just checking in. My H has poked his head out and sent me an email. I posted it and my response on my thread.
No word from your H's L is a good thing, if you don't want a D. You probably won't hear anything now until after the holidays. Time is on your side.
Remember to stay cool and detached.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
I found your thread before I checked in here:) Wow...my stomach did a flip flop reading your H's email.
My H has been in contact quite a bit over xmas shopping for the kids. He said 'I don't mean to be getting all these things just from me...all the gifts can be from 'Mom and Dad', or me or you..."
This is the most collaboration we have ever done on xmas shopping. Before he left, we'd talk a little bit about it, but I did all the shopping.
That's improvement.
It is unimaginable to me that we could be interacting and being such partners to have the D continue AFTER the holidays.
Usually, H is depressed during xmas...and last year was horrible. Last year felt like D was around the corner. This year feels great. It's like those papers were just as trivial as some angry words in a heated argument.
Very expensive!!
On a side note...d8, s10 and I went to a nice little party at CC(cute coach) house last night. I had a nice time.
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
Sophie, Take each day as it comes. Try not to read too much into the interactions that you are having w/your h. They tend to bounce all over the place and who knows just where his head is at right now.
As for the gifts, be sure to thank him for doing the shopping and if you want both names on the tags, by all means do so. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.
As for the contact from the lawyer, let it go for now and just try to relax and enjoy the holiday season w/your family. I'm hoping that he will come to his senses and want to spend the holidays w/you and the children.
Remember, no relationship and/or separation/divorce talk for now. Let things be and just enjoy the time you can interact w/him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly...I was so wanting to ask him where he stands on the D and to/let him know how SO much of money is sitting in a L's office...and ask H,'CAN I get it back, now?"
I expect Mr. nice Husband to completely CRASH sometime after all gifts are opened on xmas day.
Today...No contact, except I had to txt H about one xmas gift...he responded, I didn't respond to his answer.
I shopped all day.
No L mail or phone calls today.
On a different note....I sure had a nice time at Mr. CC's family party. I find myself thinking about him...a lot.
(In most 'books', I'm too old for MR CC...but, he is fun...and nice to me...and my H asked for a D!!!!)
So,,, I guess this is how EA's get started!!
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
Yes, that's exactly how EA's get started. My advice.....put thoughts of that man right out of your head if you still want your h and your marriage back. Now, if you are fed up, want a divorce and are ready to completely let your h go, then go for it. However, it's not a good practice to get involved in any way w/a third party while trying to repair your marriage. It creates more pain for the three of you in the long run and at the end of the day, you want a clean slate to start out w/and do not want to hurt another person in the process. I know, it's fun right now to have the attention of another, but you are traveling down a road that you can easily slip from and then it's too late. Be careful w/your interactions w/this Mr. CC.
Sophie, I know it's difficult, but you've got to keep the focus on you and your children. You are creating more anxiety for yourself looking for that call from your h or the lawyer. I seriously doubt that you'll hear from the lawyer for another week or so. If you don't, don't sweat it. Go on w/your life and do what you can to make things better for you and yoru children.
No one knows what your h will do after the gifts are opened. He may be there and then again, he could call w/an excuse not to come over. Time will tell...
The holiday is right around the corner....keep your eye on the holiday and doing things w/your family. Okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
