Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Anyone have an MLC'er Living At Home?

Hey, Thinking.

You go, girl!! You did the right thing! You weren't there when he got home and he didn't like it! Lets him know he can't take you for granted! He needs to know that! It's good for him!!!

Thanks sc, your words are very supportive!

I think when my friend and I go out tonight, we'll go to an arcade. Sounds fun. A bar/arcade of course.

It's nice that you made plans, it's nice that he called, it's nice you could come up with a compromise. Nice job!

There will be a ton more frustration ahead of you. Find a way to release (better than I did).

Got home from the gym today and H had taken down and put away all of the XMAS decorations. What a relief.

Today was a good day. Not a lot of contact, but what we've had has been pleasant.

I made a decision yesterday to stop trying to figure him out. There is no way that is possible. I can sit with my C all day long and try to figure out his motives and possible future actions based on them, but it would really all be guessing. I decided the only thing I can control is the decisions I make for me. Doesn't sound like a lot when I say it, but it feels like a big decision.

That is funny. I wasnt sure what the 'rules' were with my 50 yr old MLC, esp since he just dropped the bomb last week. He's still sleeping in our bed and I thought he was desperately staying on his side but wasn't sure. So casually (in my sleep?!) put my hand next to his leg to check the waters. He pulled his leg away. I almost laughed its so juvenile.

YEp these are th rules
funny how aso many of these mlcer- was do the same things
I remember 3 years ago right before bomb H and I went to movies
He spent the whole night staying as far away from me in his seat as possible
I couldnt understand what was happening
that was just the beginning
peace

Please, I hope there's someone out there to talk me off the ledge. I'm not really THAT upset, just sick to my stomach. Something just happened to add one more thing...

My daughter uses my hubby's laptop sometimes and she was having some problems with pop-ups tonight. So I took over and started running some spybot software to clean things up. You can guess what if found. I found some fairly digusting sites in the history files.

I had to wake him to ask permission to delete his history files and he acted surprised as to 'why'. When I was done, I woke him again to tell him I set up Firefox and Navigator to delete the history when the application is closed, "if you're going to look at those sites, please use those browsers so the kids don't see them". A fair request, but he was first acted very surprised (What was I talking about?) and then was very defensive. Then he rolled over to go back to sleep (in a huff if that's possible).

This really shouldn't surprise me and I'm really not that upset. It just adds another thing to the pile. But now I know why he has absolutely NO interest in me anymore. If there's any guys out there that can comment, I'm interested.

Ok, he's visiting disgusting sites. That's not fun, but you could have found a lot worse right?

Thinking, are you making a plan for how you're going to live thru HIS MLC? Get two plans - one day to day and one long term.
What are you doing for yourself?

I'm actually in a place where I'm good with myself. I have a pretty good day to day life. I always have been a pretty independent person. I have a responsible, creative position in a very stressful, intense industry so I work about 50 hours a week at that.

It's not so easy taking more time for "my life" without checking in as we have two kids and coordination needs to be done. I've been getting closer to the kids. As close as a teen will let you get.

I have been using this time to get more social. Rebuilding old friendships, trying new things like classes to build new ones. Also exploring my spiritual side more with meditation, reading, and attending several of the events offered by the Buddhist mediation center located locally.

I also have my C sessions.

Long term, I'm in an observation and clarification mode right now. Just taking in information to make decisions when I get clear. I figure I will be ready in about 6 months to take action. That's obviously a SWAG estimate. I don't have enough information at this point in time to confidently take action.

Regarding the websites, its just more secrets that are coming out. I don't mind the sites or the content, its the secrecy and exclusion that hit a nerve. That and it feels a bit insulting when someone is caught in something they are obviously embarrassed about and they say, "what are you talking about...it wasn't me."

ThinkingitThru, how are your teens dealing with everything?

Mine are a 15 yr old boy HS freshman at home, 17 yr old girl freshman at college.

Altho I havent told them everything I haven't sugar-coated whats going on either. But they've heard my side only and there are 2 involved but their dad is not talking much to any of us.

My 15 yr old son is pissed at his dad, for not honoring his word in marriage and for making me sad. You know how 15 yr old anger is?! I dont have the emotional energy to placate him and his anger doesn't help a tenuous situation.

Any advice?