Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with Kids and a WW Twenty Two

I have this very same sentiment. It's kind of a scary thought.

I think you're right. Its the deepness that we shared and still share, ESPECIALLY for the kids. We've shared and gone through so much, theres no way that they'll experience the same type with someone else, us included of course.

Not that they or we won't experience something great, but just different.

Wouldn't that be great, to be there right at the moment when the light switch turns on? To see them when the 'click' happens? The day of realization?

Our last conversation, I told her that I WANT her to be happy, but that SHE needs to find it, because its not through another person, me included.

Me: I want you to be happy

xH: Yeah, right. I dont believe that.

This has been a normal conversation for us for some time now. Not much lately though. He is house hunting, and I'll say something like "I hope you get it" if he puts an offer down on property. He'll say "Oh quit (jokingly), you know you don't mean it". I just blow that off and change the subject.

The thing is, I really do hope he finds something, and gets settled in a new place. A year ago, this would have made me panic, thinking of him moving on without me. But I can honestly say now that I want him happy and settled. I suppose its that loving detachment I have worked for...

Hopefully someday, he'll realize I want him happy, for himself and for the girls, as he'll be a better father.

H4H,

My W, in her rant a couple weeks back, said OM "made me happy". Sad that she thinks she can only be happy through someone else. They don't get the idea of having to be happy within first - part of the fog.

Stay strong bud, stay strong.

Like I posted from our conversation last Monday, she has convinced herself that I just want her to fail. She's told me a couple times before and I have called her on the things that she has convinced herself about me and what I think. I told her that I NEVER wanted her to fail, concerning her move, but that I did admit that I wanted her R with OM to fail. I was honest with her.

I also noticed how she says one thing, like how her R with OM has changed and that she's not sure if even OM would make her happy, to how "What if it IS him that makes me happy? Can you handle that?"

No telling what the real truth of the matter is.

I told her that that was not something that I had control over and had no choice in that matter.

That's fine. I would have told her what I think which is that he won't make her happy b/c no one person can make someone else happy in the long-term. Not OM, not you, nobody but herself. One day maybe she'll realize that--or she won't I guess. Karen

karen, as far as I'm concerned, she is nowhere near realizing anything.

Maybe someday, when the R with OM fails, but not until then, I think.

Hey H4H, I've been lurking in the shadows, I agree with your comments

How life changes, nothing ever stays the same or said a different way nothing is ever like is was. The good times spent with W and kids can now never be repeated, have to look forward to making memories on our own or hopefully with someone we may meet. Waiting for the light to click on for them may take some time, but from everything I have read and what other people have told me, a large percentage of WAS do have that realization at some point of what they left behind and how they screwed up.

I don't know - life moves on, wierd always wierd, having to think about moving on when you've been with someone so long.

M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D7, D7, S6
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08

She needs to know that your at a point where you now except(Per your recent posts) that the marriage is at an end but your future relationship will not recover as long as she is with the man that she had an affair with. He needs to go!!!

Dunno.

I have told her on more than a few occassions that I was letting her go. Didn't really, as we all know.

She knows exactly how I feel about dickhead. I'm sure the conversation about our future relationship will come about some time and the fact that it won't be what it could be as long as he is in the picture.

Me demanding her to give him up....I might as well go to the beach and tell the waves to stop.



We had some conversation today. Apparantly she has been off today as well as yesterday. Found out the part of her day yesterday was spent signing up D7 for Ymca afterschool care and qualifying for assistance. She was able to get about a $50 discount. I'll take what I can get. She brought an issue concerning S14 again that happened yesterday and him being inconsiderate. Told me she was going to have a talk with him, that he was in trouble with her.

Again? She told me she was going to talk to him last week. Same deal with her. So hard for her to have to say no to him and look like that bad parent. So important to her to look more like his friend.

I wonder where he gets if from? She blames his dad, the stupida.

I offered my take and told her she needs to change the way she deals with him, as usual, and she said its something she is working on. She always says that. We had a couple laughs. I told her that D7 was playing with her 'rats' and she kept laughing and trying to correct me.

"They're hamsters, silly."
"As far as I'm concerned, they're rats."

She also told me about her day today. She had just left the food stamp office and she was telling me a little bit about it. How she felt like she was being treated. We also spoke a little about New Years, because I asked her if she had any thoughts.

She offered to stay with the girls if I was trying to go out myself, and I had to tell her that I WASN'T trying to go out, but figure out what the kids and I were going to do. She mentioned that I had wanted to have a get together at my house, but I told her that I think that that had fallen through. I did tell her that I might take them to the downtown celebration, but wasn't sure. I told her that I'll let her know what I decide.

She only spoke to D7, because at the time, D11 was still asleep.

If only I could get the thought out of my mind that OM is staying with her this whole week. I have the girls and S14 is staying with his dad this whole week, so I figured that was her plan for the week. Living out more of the fantasy.

Oh well, keeping myself busy with my girlies and right now, watching Rush in concert in Rio.

Love Rush. My favorite band in high school. Neil Peart is a drum...well, I won't say god, but ya'll know what I mean.

And BTW, today, New Years Eve is Beej's birthday.
So if your reading, Happy Birthday, sweety.

Hey H4H. Haven't posted in a while but I've been following along, just haven't felt like I've had anything constructive to say.

But when I read your last post I just had to say RUSH ROCKS! My favorite band also! And I raised my boys well. S20 really likes them and S16 thinks they're the greatest band on earth. And he agrees with you, Neil is a drum god. I've seen them in concert 6 times, most recently in Aug 07. Of course, that memory is kind of wrecked for me as my boys and I went to the concert and I discovered a few days later that W was TM'ing and calling OM the whole time we were gone. This was after he'd moved away, but before I knew for sure of their A. Anyway, everytime I'm feeling down, I listen to Lakeside Park live and it just picks me up. And oh yeah, TAL over in piecing is one of us. She's a RUSH junkie also. Her and I have decided when RUSH is inducted into the Rock Hall of Fame we're going to go to the ceremony together. And you're invited too!

Hope your New Years is a good one.