Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Moving her from Newbees

Hi Clayton, Your meeting sounds very nice. In some ways it seems like she's DBing as well. It is strange that she agrees to meet when you ask. Do you think you are at the friendship stage?

Maybe with the assets being to your benefit, she trying to rid herself of some guilt or maybe just being nice.

To me all her actions point to friendship. How nice of her to frame the paintings!

Any thoughts on your next move??

I think we are at hte friendship stage.

We correspond about once a week via e-mail and she almost always asks when we can catch up and get together.....and we do, normally go out for dinner. Then the next time we e-mail, she's asking when we can get together again. This has been going on for quite some time now.

I am still GALing hard-core, although I have a lot of house projects backing up which I need to put to the top of the priority list. Spending a lot more time with friends then I used to and now have a pretty active social life. I sometimes wonder how I can fit a wife into my life with my limited available time (pretty cool huh).

I am starting to notice I'm getting a lot more female attention these days...but I'm not the least bit interested. At this point, I think I'm pretty much fully detached from W, and I think that's why we seem to be starting to connect again. There dosn't seem to be any hurt or pain between us anymore, no talk of D or anything negitive. If it does come up....I'm perfectly fine with it. See.....almost fully detached.

Hey Clayton, Sounds like things are going really well for you. Bravo!! You seem to be the GAL king!!! Don't take this the wrong way. But I find it kinda funny - when you say you wonder if you can fit your W into your life. Most of us around here are waiting for our spouse to do just that or even to make a move in that direction. So your W is doing a bit of chasing you right now. I find that interesting. I suppose that feels good, after not showing any interest in you. By the looks of it, I think you are fully detached. It is a good place to be.

So do you have any more of a game plan?? Or are you just riding on the friendship stage for now?

No....I currently don't have a game plan. I'm just going to continue to get my life & finances in order, focus on work (my work performance wasn't impressive during 2008 due to the stress of the seperation).

Regarding wondering if I can fit W into my current life....I actually ment not enought time for any relationship. I'm just so busy with all my responsibilities, there just dosn't seem to be any free time to devote to any new commitments.

Also, although I originally held out hope for a reconciliation, I don't know if I want to risk fully trusting W again. What would stop her leaving again in the future if things didn't meet her expectations. I don't trust that she would sit down with me an communicate effectively what the issues are.

Remember, she just moved out 5 minutes after she informed me she wasn't happy...no discussion whatsoever. I don't think I am willing to put myself in the same position with her again.
At this point, if she did want to start working towards repairing the M, I would probably say no based on my lack of trust in her & that I don't respect her like I used to due to her poor decisions. She has shown a huge lack of common sense and I don't really have time for fools.

She would need to do a lot of work to convince me otherwise.

Quick update.

Went out with W one evening last week. Had a great time. Spent a good couple of hours chatting and having fun.

Sent her an e-mail this morning asking if we could get together and chat about submitting our 2008 tax return. She said she would bring the beers and we would make a party of doing our tax's.
We were supposed to be getting the house ready to put on the market in Feb. There has been no further talk of that or any R related stuff.....and I'm not going to bring it up. I sometimes feel that my bringing this stuff up in the past pushed her into having to make a decision, perhaps before she even knew what she wanted.

I'm still wondering if her total lack of discussion in these areas now is still an indication that she isn't sure what she is wanting.
This has almost been 9mths now and she is still giving me most of her paycheck each month to cover her portion of the mortgage and associated expences....even though she dosn't live at home.

I would have thought she would have wanted to get moving on this so she could free up her income for herself.

Hey Clayton, Good to see you are having some nice interactions. That's great!!!! My guess is, she probably is having second thoughts.

So ..... she's bringing beer & you are having a tax party ..... is she maybe DBing you????

Haven't posted in a while.

Nothing new going on with W. I'm starting to have a blast in my new life as a single guy again. The biggist positive is having 100% control over my life, finances....everything.

I'm now happily looking forward to a new future as a divorcee. Don't really miss W at all anymore. Love my own company and love myself more then ever.

Not seeing anyone. Don't want to for quite a while (maybe a couple of yrs). I've been given a second chance to be single and I'm going to make the most of it.

I'm going to keep our house (beautiful little craftsman bungalow), so that will keep me ocupied with small projects for the next couple of yrs. It's already totally renovated...but there is always something to do when you have an old home.

W is really dragging her feet with filing for D. She has retained a L for $5K, but dosn't seem to be moving at all!!!
I have provided her with all our financials, so the ball's in her court to get the paperwork completed.

I am 100% happy with my current life. The door to any reconciliation has now closed.

Good luck everyone.

Just filling in some time while I'm at work.

I't kinda funny. At the start of my situation when W first walked out (ran out), I told her I wanted her to not file straight away since I needed time to come to terms with everything and was struggling with accepting what was happening.

Now, I want this over asap. I want to move on and I am finding that not having the paperwork filed along with not having any timeline for the completion of the divorce is becoming a pain in the butt.

I have no intention of any sort of reconciliation and I'm finding that other women I am interested in are shying clear once they hear I am still married with no progress down the divorce path at all. I am now pressuring my wife to get off her butt and work with her lawyer to accelerate this.

Its funny how things change. Although I don't really care, it will be interesting to see if she starts to have serious second thoughts once it really dawns on her that I am no longer interested in anything she says or does.