Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Advice please...

Amen to that!!!!

Ral,

You have to really make the effort to consciously follw the DB rules. Right now your wife is not the wife you know or knew and love. It's tough but you HAVE to break old patterns and habits that do not work.

Some who arrive here in the begining think their spouse will be different, they will talk and listen. You will soon learn this is almost always not the case. You have to stay upbeat and just go with the flow right now. It is one of the most difficult things to do at first. You can do it, have patience, there are no quick fixes to this. It has to run it's course and you have to stay the course. The changes you will need to make will not come overnight. Don't beat yourself up if you slip, just own it and get back on the DB track.

You can do it. Focus on what you can change.... you. You are going to have to really dig deep for some serious patience like never before. You can do it.

Thanks for you responses everyone. This is really tough to endure. I apreciate your advice. I'm doing my best...

Here were some of her concerns on this last discussion.

1. My temper. She called a few instances where she believes I have been too rash with our son or handled things wrong. I'm definitely watching my reactions now and being more alert as to how I respond...

2. She doesn't know how she feels yet. Sometimes she feels guilty but, she doesn't feel the same. She said it could be MLC/ hormones, she states "I've been trying to please everyone else except me".

3. She feels pressure when she comes home from work and I am there. She states she can see when I am feeling down or in a funk. Usually I'm fixing dinner on her getting home so, from here on I will be absent if possible.

4. I have seen a shift in her clothing selection. She "used" to have no preference for tight jeans for example. Makes me wonder about trying to stay with our D-20...

For the most part, she will keep things quiet until she pops if something is bothering her. I, as a rule, will say something, get it off my chest and it's water under the bridge.

I help daily with wash, fix meals, and try to do my share at home, so it's not all on her as a rule.

She keeps a "citation book" in her head with every violation I've ever committed, date & time.

For now everything is tabled as she doesn't know what she wants. I don't know whether to try to be everyday normal, as in kiss her when she leaves, or gets home, or distance myself.

As far as sex, do I refrain from trying or do I just try and let the chips fall where they may. I won't be discussing anything more about us, unless she brings it up from here on out.

It's tough to know what to distance right now. I'm just trying to be open and there for her...

Ral, I agree with Jack, you have to bite your tongue, no r talk, at all, Jack is right you will not like the answers, I know I made that mistake in the beginning.She does not want to think about it.Leave her alone. This will not be a quick fix, this takes time, lots of time.

Be friendly, be upbeat , let her lead.

Read: "Parenting with love and logic"

NO R TALK!!!!!!! It makes things worse.

I hear you on the no more R talk. It's confusing, she will act normal sometimes.

Listen and validate HER feelings. Show empathy.......

Barnes and noble if you can't wait for them to be sent from the website. Or books a million. I couldn't wait. I had to read immediately. Take the advice of the books. Sounds like you are in a far better situation than the rest of us if you just handle it right. Man I will I was in your position. I was once, and I blew it. Don't blow it. Play it cool. Back off. Resist asking questions. Be there is she needs you, but don't be clingy. Act as if your life is fine. Do it now before it gets to where ours is. I wish I had read divorce remedy back when I was in your situation and followed it. I would be far better off now if I had.

Kevin

Pick up "The four agreements" and treat it like the bible....