Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? I was hoping someone could help me with this...

Hi, I think you were quoting my profile. Nice to see someone reads it. Basically, you are spot on. What I mean is if you think about things too much, it can take you off the path you are trying to take. Following your heart or following your mind - it's always a struggle if they do not agree.

Hi MM - yup! It was yours...I really liked that quote - and was trying to find it again...so glad you came by to share it...and it is so very true..our minds can betray sometimes...in a big, big way.

-Carlos.

Last night was what I would call a good night for me. I play poker on Wednesday's so I usually don't talk to the wife at all.

She was supposed to have someone come out to the house to look at a problem with the kitchen floor so I called her after poker to find out how it went. I asked about the floor and apparently the guy didn't bring clothes to be able to go into the crawlspace (doh!). Trying to "act as if" after about two minutes I said well I'll let you go, she then asked about tomorrow (today) my son has cub scouts and what my plans were. I told her the same as everytime I'll come over and you can take him or I'll take him and the other can stay with our daughter.

Once again I said I'll let you go, she said ok bye, I said bye, she paused and said that's it? I said what else do you need? She said I don't know, I said if you have something you want to talk about go ahead. Nothing big was talked about but we did talk for another hour. It was just nice to talk to her for that long, I still ended the conv. first :).

Well I thought things were getting better between me and my wife. Two nights ago she told me she still has too many trust issues to make the marriage work. I asked her (probably shouldn't have) why she hasn't given me the papers yet, she says it's still hard. She said she was hoping we could sit down like adults and figure out the divorce stuff, I said I was hoping to sit down and talk about saving the marriage.

We were just talking on the phone and she was under the impression based on the above conv. that I wasn't going to come over Christmas morning as originally planned. She thinks I told her I wouldn't be comfortable, I never said that. So I told her well if this is going to be our last Christmas together as a family I want to make the most of it, no real response other than ok.

Not sure if it's just the holiday season or what but I'm thinking of just telling my wife to get the papers ready and if they seem fair I'll just sign them.

Being with her and the IL's on Christmas eve and Christmas day I think I'm just tired of being the only one "fighting" for the marriage.

Hi volleydog, I don't know your sitch too well - but just want to say we all feel that way. So you are not alone in those thoughts. I'm just in baby years in M compared to your M. It must be a very difficult decision.

I think the holidays effect everyone.

I need some advice. For Christmas one of my relatives that don't know my wife and I are separated sent us a gift card to go out to eat. They sent us one last year but I opened it at her(my old house) so she knew about it, she doesn't know about this one. Last year we used it for her bday me her and the kids went out. I was wondering if I should ask her if she wants to do the same thing this year. Part of me says just keep it for myself since I don't want her to say no or I have other plans or whatever.

Well I'm not sure if I broke the DB rules but it felt right.

This past weekend was mine with the kids. My wifes car broke down on Friday and she wouldn't have a car all weekend so she was stuck at her house, and I know that drives her nuts.

On Saturday my son had his cub scouts Pine Wood derby race and I was going to go pick her up if he did well...He was consistent (last in all four races) but he had fun. We, me my S and D, thought going to a movie on Sunday would be fun, so we decided to go see Hotel for Dogs (good show btw).

Well Saturday night my W calls to say goodnight to the kids and like always we talk for awhile and I can tell she is stressed by not being able to run errands like she normally does and she asks me if she can borrow my car when I drop off the kids, sure no problem.

Well and here's where I'm not sure I did the right thing, I called her back and asked if she wanted to go to the movies with us. She said what I thought she'd say, "can I think about it". Sure told her I'd call her in the morning.

I call and she said she is going to pass, which I was sort of expecting, so I say ok, I'm going to check the movie times and let you know latter when I'll be over with the kids. Then comes well what do you think I should do...I tell her it's not my choice whatever you want you're not going to hurt my feelings by not going (all said in a very nice laughing way). Then she asks what do the kids want, well I didn't tell the kids because of course they would want you to go and I didn't want to put that pressure on you...Finally W says ok I'll go, I said are you sure it's really not a big deal. Says yes...

After the movie I took her to the drugstore then the grocery store...The only way it could have been better is if she would have invited me to stay for dinner but it's probably better since I would have had to say no.

So was asking her to go to the movies breaking DB rules?


On a side not the theater was PACKED and a guy sitting next to my wife and a guy behind her got into a fight (hitting) over seats...I couldn't believe it.

Hi volleydog, Nice to see you are still posting. It sounds like you had a nice time with W & your kids. (Well, except for the fighting guys in the movie). I wouldn't worry so much about "breaking DBrules" we all do it. It's more about finding what works & what doesn't to get positive results. And as many of us see, after making a positive connection with the WAS, they will pull back. You had a nice time & you both left with positive feelings - right???

Also, sounds like you have a great PMA & are putting no pressure on your W. Bravo!!!

Volleydog...just checkin your sitch out, since you were kind enough to post on my thread...

I think you're on the right track - for sure. You understand you need to do what you're doing, giving your W space, and it sounds like you're a great dad. Good for you.