Wow, Rob, you are a powerful man, I had no idea that we could just trace the entire global economic mess down to one man in Arizona. Go figure...
Okay...sarcasm aside, our W's do seem to have been cut from the same cloth at times...alas...perhaps that's the price we have to pay for remaining rational in the face of a powerfully irrational situation.
I'll do my best to throw some affirmations your way whenever I can - and it does seem like it's easier for me to maintain a positive pov the more I get out and GAL.
I'm in Pasadena, btw...so even closer than the Bay Area. I had thought about making a trip up to the Bay Area a while back...I went to graduate school up there and miss that area a lot. I've had a hard time finding my "place" in Southern CA.
I hope things move forward with the house - getting a break-even offer in today's market sounds incredible.
It is a pain to deal w/right now. I only wish I had that much power and control. Man, I'd have a lot more money, that's for sure.
In time it will all be easy to laugh at. For now, I have to settle the three remaining items: the house, pensions, and the ring. Once those are done, our only connection remaining will be our D.
Pasadena, eh? That could work out even better. We could meet up at Disneyland w/the kids. My D is itching to go back and I'm sure your S11 and your S2 would love the Magic Kingdom at any time (even if S2 can't go on too many rides). Now that is something my baby would love. Perhaps this summer? Kick it around.
As for the house, the break-even thing will be good for me, but it sounds like I may even get $1500 or so out of it too to help w/getting into another place. I'll keep my fingers crossed on that one. Also, if we can get a contract going, I may be able to skip a mortgage and/or equity line payment as well, so that too would be pretty sweet for me.
Anyway, I'm off to bed now as I've got to get up and try to mold the minds of some of Arizona's youth. Oh, as far as the "secret" goes that I'm the cause of everything finacial, let's keep it under our hats, ok?
If the press gets wind of this, my XW would have a field day w/ all of the air time she'd get w/the interviews. First CNN, then Fox news, ABC, NBC, CBS, they'd all be after her. She's so vain that she'd really enjoy it, so let's just keep it locked away here in DBing Land, ok?
Gosh I cant believe how rude your exW continues to be.. and how odd that she demands the number and then doesnt call them?
So you do have a buyer though? Thats great.. buyers are non existent in the UK! I'm sorry you are being forced to sell, becuase you had to get D and you cant wait for the market to recover. Your W is a silly woman! No offence.
At least you will be able to cut the debt now and not get further in debt, or owe her anything? Its a real shame that you two couldnt have remained friends.. as you dont seem to be. Would you have preferred that?
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I completely agree that she is unreasonable and very difficult to deal with. It is a shame she feels she needs to be so rude, demanding and controlling. It breaks my heart to be privy to her mean-spiritedness, but I can't function w/her as she is so unhealthy. I do hope in time she'll be able to get some help for not only herself but for our D.
She just did her best to get under my skin w/this e-mail about the house:
Quote:
I will not agree to any type of "short sell" or any other type of non-traditional sale. Likewise I will not agree to walking away from the house or anything else that will damage my credit. Lower the price of the house and sell it. A straightforward sale, no gimmicks, no games. If we still owe money, we owe money. Period.
I am looking into some things from my end, but you need to know that your lack of resources at a lower sale price is your problem. Sell the house, the sooner the better.
I started to do the same old thing - respond w/an explanation of what I stated in the earlier e-mail, why I put it in there and a statement that I was confused as to why she was so angry w/me. The old way of thinking was at work here and I was originally under the mind-set that I could make her understand my point-of-view and somehow make her understand and not be mad at me.
Thank goodness reality took over. I didn't send a long e-mail trying to explain myself b/c I remembered it wouldn't do any good. Instead I sent:
Quote:
Thanks for getting back to me. I was hoping this would be your choice too as I don't want any tricks or games either.
We have an offer for $250K and I'll let Kevin know that he can counter-offer and submit it officially. There is a good chance we can get closer to $253K when all is said and done which would only leave us w/the Wells Fargo account, the ring, and the pensions to settle.
I'll keep you posted.
So I guess I am learning.
The good news is we do have a buyer and at worst I'll be w/out money to get me into another place.
Well done, Rob. Wow...I have to say that reading your XW's note really made me feel like I was reading something from my W - the same kind of irrational anger masquerading as a reasoned point of view...Catching yourself and knowing that an explanation would not change anything was just brilliant - and a good sign of where you are now. I have to keep that kind of response in mind as well, since I tend to find myself in that situation often.
It will be such a relief once you get more of these binds out of the way - and can move on with your life. It's a shame she is such pain that she has to lash out at you that way - but it's her pain to deal with - not yours - and throwing her anger at you will not change anything for her...which is exactly why it was so refreshing to see that you did not let her anger/pain dictate how you would respond. My wife used to do that to me all the time - throw anger at me, I would respond to the anger, then all the blame for the tension would be dumped on me...and I would be left feeling like I had been spun around in a dryer...it's scary how brilliant the angry W/XW/STBX(?) can be at times...true masters of manipulation - at least until we catch on and drop the rope completely.
I'm late to this discussion...and haven't even finished your thread yet, but it occurred to me what you could say next time she mentions getting asked out. Say, "That's great. I got laid last night."
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
You know Rob, its really disgusting the way she talks to you.
Even if she had a point (about finacnes/realtors/past - not sure what her point is, but anyway).. it doesnt excuse her tone. Its disgraful. She shared 12 years with you (?), M you and has a daughter with you, she needs to grow up and stop projecting her anger onto you. And so what if her credit/your finances are f*cked? She should practice forgivenes.. AND.. you were in the M together, this isnt the 1950's.. she could have sat and asked you about your finances at any point, and before she had the A and decided to leave, she could have taken some responsibility for it all. Makes me so angry !!!! I would never blame my ex, I would blame muself for not keeping in the loop about what our money sitch was.
I cant believe how ungracious and bitter she is. Its karma Rob and karma will come back to bite her on the *rse, I am telling you. Althought, she may be one of those woman who goes around bad mouthing men for the rest of her life and says things like "huh.. thats like my exH...." and keeps giving energy to what yuo USED to be like, your old M and the old you.. and for waht?
Ohhhh.. it makes me so mad, I could slap her !!!
And I'm telling you.. I have no idea why you havent been snapped up by someone else yet, you are one good looking fella...! I know, you are taking it slow...
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
