Thanksgiving was much better this year than last LOL. S20, S16 and I went to our neighbors house for dinner.
S20 ate and left to go back to H & OW's to see H's relatives. H's mother, sister, bil & niece where there. The rest of H's family refused to go. H's brother even asked if I'd like to go with them to his MIL's for Thanksgiving. So sweet of him.
S16 ate and left with my friends son to make the evening duck hunt. We cleaned up, packed and headed to the camp ourselves. I hunted the next day with S16 and his girlfriend and had a wonderful day.
H and OW showed up that evening (after I'd left) and they drank all night, hunted Saturday, drank all Saturday night and left on Sunday. H isn't setting much of an example for S16.
Last weekend I went with a friend to her sisters home in New Orleans to do an open house. I sell Silpada Designs jewelry, my friend does cute cards, note pads, etc. and her sister sells Arebonne. Had a nice time.
S20 came home on Saturday. S16 had stayed Friday night at a friends house. On Saturday, S16 went with a friend to another friends house for a bond fire. The police came and told them all to leave with an adult. S16 said that there were kids there drinking. S16 called a friend of ours that is a police officer and he came and picked him up and brought him home.
When I arrived home Sunday late morning S20 told me of S16's evening so I asked S16 about his night. He told me everything. S16 did say he'd told his dad and his dad had asked where I was. S16 said I was in New Orleans and H said 'Oh, I didn't know she was out of town.'
Later that day H called me to see if S16 had told me of his night and to make sure I left the door unlocked for him to check on his deceased brothers car I'm storing in the garage. He could have asked S16 to do that for him. I think he was just check to see if I'd made it home. But, I could just be wishing that H still cares about me and wonders what I'm up to.
I have had to speak with H every day this week. Some times more than once with issues with S16 and on the house. All talks are pleasant and I've been very happy sounding and I tell him how much I appreciate his help on things when we talk.
Again, maybe I'm just wishing here.
Unusual note: A friends girlfriend gave my number to an attorney friend of hers from New Orleans. We weren't able to meet this past weekend but we did talk for 2 1/2 hrs on the phone when he called the 2nd time. He did say that he wanted to meet me. This is very flattering.
I had to call H about pool equipment last night. He'd gone to the house the other day and messed with the equipment and it hasn't working right since. I needed it all to be in working order because we actually got about 1" of snow last night. VERY RARE for these parts.
Anyway, called H to ask what he'd done so I could see if I could put it back. H was cold and untalkative unlike earlier in the day. Sometimes H is an a$$ and others he is like my old H.
I called him this am to let him know how S16's x-ray went. His arm is all healed. He just needs to do some PT to strengthen it.
H said 'Well I guess S16 didn't have school today because of the snow.' I told him 'No, they had school.' He said 'I got the kids off to school on the bus and then got a call to come get them. Such $h!t having to have the parents go get them. They should have just closed the school the whole day.'
Mind you these are OW's kids NOT his. He talks like HE'S their father. H rarely did this for OUR boys. But, I held it tongue and didn't jump down his throat like I wanted to.
He asked what I was getting S's for Christmas and if I was going to take them back home for Christmas. I wish I could be I have no more vacation days and S16 won't give up a day of hunting.
H talks to me sometimes like we're friends and then other times like he wish I didn't exist.
This is SO hard on me. I have no family here other than my S's and H's family.
I'm starting to wonder if H is really in MLC or that he may be a WAS.
He exhibits MLC characteristics at times but for the most part it's like he walked out of our life together, shut the door and started a new life with OW and her 3 kids and doesn't look back or regrets a thing.
H doesn't call me to see how things are with S's or our home. I usually have to call him. He will speak with S's about things but I don't believe he ever ask how I am. I don't ask the boys if he does. Even during the hurricane we had he didn't call me to see how we were or how our house was. He called a friend of ours that had stayed with me. It's like out of sight out of mind. I used to think it's because he feels guilty but it's been a year now and now I wonder if it's because he has moved on to his 'happier' life and wants nothing further to do with me.
H has lived with OW and her kids for almost a year now.
Our D will be final in April 2009.
H has always been the type to like having his ego stroked. I know that this is what helped OW get him because I didn't have time to do it. I didn't appreciate him (nor he me) and wasn't the one to initiate ML. H had told me one time early in our marriage that he didn't find me attractive because I'd gained a lot of weight and would sometimes prefer to pleasure himself instead of ML with me. So, you can see why I wouldn't want to initiate.
OW isn't skinny anymore (all the alcohol that they drink - they are both heavy drinkers on a daily basis) and she's bossy. So, I was wondering if maybe, on the rare occassion that I speak with H, if I should try and flirt with him. If I can remember how. Any thoughts anyone.
There has been a lot of chaos in H's family over Christmas holiday. Since one of his brothers (BIL #4) passed away this year, BIL & SIL #1 asked H's mother if they could do Christmas at their home. She agreed. H's sister #2 came into town (she LIKES OW) and said no that Christmas would be at OW's house. This cause a BIG uproar. SIL #1 even left BIL #1 for about a week over it. Things have calmed down sil #1 went back to bil #1 and Christmas will be at their home. H was speaking with sil #6 regarding all of this and insinuated that I had a hand in all of this. SIL #6 set him straight that I had NO part in this whatsoever. H said he was glad to hear that. Why would he care? Does this mean anything?
Also, on a couple of occassions that OW and sitch has been brought up, H says that 'Well, I have to have a place to live don't I?' WTF does this mean?
sl, Do not call your h unless it is an absolute emergency. He'll never miss you if you call him. Your h is still in the oven and isn't quite half baked yet. He's just really getting started into the crisis and needs to continue to spread his winds for a while. A year isn't quite enough time for the rose colored glasses to come off, but they will in time.
Your h is very selfish and self centered. You shouldn't allow him or the ow to have any head space right now. You are a wonderful person and do not allow him to bring you down. You are a far better person than that woman. So, leave him out there and allow her to deal w/him and his emotional upheaval for now.
His comment about a place to live is typical mlc lingo. Not thinking with the proper head at the moment.
You asked YR about flirting. Unless the opportunity presents itself, I wouldn't. When you do try it, keep your expectations at zero and be prepared for a possibility of some hurtful comments or body language from him. He's just not at that point where I would say to try it 100% yet. If he were making more contact w/you, I'd say go for it. I personally think it's going to take at least another year before he even starts reconnecting w/his sons.
While he's out traveling the universe, keep the focus on you and your sons. I know you love the man and want him home, but sl, you do not want him home like this. It's time to make a list of things that you would like to do, but never had the opportunity to do. Stay busy and put a rubber band on your wrist. Whenever you start to think about them, snap that band!
I'm sorry you are here, but I do think he's got a ways to go.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H has been having his A with OW since 2005. He lead a total double life. She knew he was married (so was she when it started) but they presented him as being divorced.
The whole A had been really strange. Until I found out about her last year, since around March 2006 from Monday - Thursday he was divorced, Mr. No Worries, party guy and from Friday - Sunday he was happily married, Mr. Responsible, family guy.
Now he's stepped into the roll of super step-dad. Always there for her and her kids.
I do have to speak to him regarding S's and our home. But, I only do it when it's necessary.
Example: This is H's weekend and S16 wants to drive to New Orleans (OH HELL NO!) with a friend to watch the State Football Championship games. S16 called me first for permission (S16 always says that I what I says goes not H). I told him it was his dad's weekend and to call him since there had been other plans made and to have dad call me so we can discuss. H of course didn't call me so I called him. H suggested that if S16 wants to go to the games then they could follow him to the Superdome in New Orleans and that way they would know how to leave from there after the game (at around 11 pm!). OK, New Orleans hasn't been the safest place since Katrina. One wrong turn and you become a statistic. I don't want that to happen to my S16. I suggested to H that maybe he could go to the games with them. He restated that he thought that if they followed him there they could leave on their own just fine and drive to where H & OW live to stay the night. I asked H what if S16 and friend get a wild hair and decide to go to Bourbon Street? No response. I have a feeling that H wants to take OW to Bourbon Street and get drunk while the boys are at the game, give S16 a key to OW's house so they can let themselves in after the game and H and OW can go out partying all night long in New Orleans like some college kids. I wish I could be the irresponsible parent for just once!!!
Sounds more like mlc by the things he's doing. WAS actually walk away and never look back. Mlcers at some point will reconnect.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
They may tell you that they don't think about you....trust me....they do and more often than you think!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
