I am so impressed by you and how you handled the meeting, I will follow your lead. Thanks for your message.
I would wait for him to get in touch and if you need to do anything to distract yourself at any stage, feel free to contact me....more than happy to shop, eat, drink, shop some more.....
He said he didn't need the cash. although I love the house, I was ready for somewhere new. He looked a little sad and kind of nodded.
I had commented that the boiler needed looking at and he said he would call someone round to fix it on Thursday and would sort it out.
I asked him about whether he had been round to the house with regards to the light and he said no and looked really worried about me.
Then he said, 'oh that reminds me' I bought these for you ages ago. It was Hershey’s, from when he went to America when he dropped the second bomb.
Julia,
I just wanted to take some time to re-read your post and point out all the positives. I am SO PROUD again of how you handled everything with such flair and finesse!! the hersheys bars are interesting. I wonder if he feels more comfortable with you now than he did before, and that's why he felt he could give you a gift?
Do you believe him when he says he doesn't need the cash from the house?
I hope you are having a beautiful evening/morning... love, T ((JULIA))
I am so proud of you!! You handled yourself absolutely beautifully!!!! I love it!! You let your confidence shine through and you really seem like the greener flower filled grass!!!
I think you're amazing... truly a portraiture of outstanding DBing.
On the issue of mothering, which was a problem for me in my m and is now undergoing a 180, I have learned in therapy that being my h's "mother" was one of the reasons that our sex life suffered. So, no more of that! It would only interfere with getting some of my important needs met!
A little bird told me that you sang a beautiful solo at the choir concert! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!! I wish I could have been there to hear it in person! Do you have a recording??
What I've been up to Wow, the past week has been so much fun. Lisa and I had our choir concert on Wednesday and that went really well. I sung an accidental solo Lisa was actually the one singing the solo and for some reason (unknown to me as we had rehearsed it loads!) I joined in!!! WTF???!!! Lisa sung it really beautifully.
After the concert the guy who spoke to me the week before and who I ran away from turned round and said to me 'are you going to the reception after' and I replied 'yes' and he said see you there. He then spent the whole time talking to me at the reception and we had an interesting discussion about Romantic vs. Baroque music and then another guy came over and the three of us started chatting! So funny! Then I went to get some music with Lisa and my chairman called and wanted to meet me right then so I had to run away again. It was fun though.
I spent Wednesday evening frantically cleaning the house because h was seeing estate agents the next day and then left for my business trip at 4.30 on Thursday morning. I had such a wonderful time and it went really well. I had written a speech that was to be presented to the Health Committee of Northern Ireland and although no one knew it was me who had written it as I had done it as a favour it went down so well and I think we have a good chance of it being successful. So that is a good reward. The guy who I wrote it for bought me a really nice watch as he knew mine had broken to say thank you, I feel bad as it was quite expensive! I am not very good at accepting things like gifts or compliments but I hope I did a good job of that.
NI was so interesting. I got a tour round Stormont and also got to see all the murals round the city left over from the troubles. They were all so welcoming and I had such a fun time. Now I am back I feel a little flat though although I hope to have a good week coming up so I should probably just rest today as I am pretty exhausted and still not fully over my cold, although the silence in the house is a little deafening if you know what I mean...
On Saturday I am going to a party, which will be full of couples. Old friend called me the other week and wants to meet up. He wants to see me on Sunday, but I emailed him and invited him to the party. It would be good to have a 'date' to go with and also then we would not be alone in case it became awkward again (back in the summer it got a bit heated...). It will be nice to see him though and I am up for being wined and dined if he wants too.
H Stuff
The night before I left I got a text from H saying
'Hi, I've arranged to see (two estate agents) tomorrow lunchtime. One seems to think it'll be worth about £... which is quite good. Couldn't get the gas man to come as he was already booked up. His name and tel are... if you want to book him yourself. Have a nice trip.'
I responded and hour or so later saying
'Thanks, good news on the agents. You wait till you see the chavtastic lights next door.' (we always used to groan as next door go really over the top and it is like sleeping in a mobile flashing disco!)
On Friday at 5.30 I got a text from h saying
'Hi, just to let you know I had a very productive time with the estate agents yesterday. Guess we can talk about it when you're back. I hope your conference is going well.'
I haven't replied yet as he knows I am busy and I thought I would wait till I get back as I know he would. I think it is a little friendlier than normal and he is also initiating a chat *pick myself off the floor* even if it is only about business stuff he wants to work with me instead of deciding for me. So baby step there I think. Does anyone have any idea what I should reply. Should I call him (although I don't really like talking to him on the phone and I wouldn't get the chance to show off my new 180 skirt and hot new tights - skirt being a huge 180!!). I could text him and ask if he'd like to meet for lunch/ drink after work to discuss it?? Or is that me initiating? Should I send a message that somehow gets him to initiate the medium with which he would like to communicate? Am I over-thinking????
Sigh, even with all the men excitement, darn h seems to be the one that gets me every time.
(((Mishka))) You can get Hershey's rarely over here but it is expensive and it is the thin bars. I like the chunky stuff, in fact I LOVE it. Hershey's kisses are the best! H and I always loved Hershey's. Thank you so much for pointing that out about the mothering thing, I think he almost expects me to mother and I hadn't thought about the pleasure that me complimenting his bag had brought him rather than the annoyance of me making a comment about his illness. That is something I will try and do more of as it seems to work.
I did leave the present on the side with a note saying I had bought it in the summer and thought he might enjoy it for the journey home (it was some fudge in a tin shaped like a bus as he works in transport). He had taken the present and the note was turned over and had been moved. So who knows whether it worked? I think there will be no more presents from me for a while unless this shows some results.
(((Essie))) I would love to go shopping with you. I think we would have so much fun. I am really hoping to make it over to your part of the world in the next few years. I took myself off to Australia for 3 months in my gap year when I was 18 and I loved it soooo much. I really want to come back, so perhaps we may be able to go shopping together. I used to like Jeans West over there. Yay!
(((Samina))) Thank you for 'visiting' me and for your encouragement. It would be really lovely to meet again. I hope things are ok at your end.
(((T))) Oh T, you are always so brilliant at seeing the positives thank you. You always are so positive and wonderful and I can't help but think that it is why you and B have such amazing conversations. How I wish we could do some cello/ recorder duets I would really love to get a groove going and do some modern-take on Baroque stuff with loads of impro. What fun!! I do believe him when he says he doesn't need the cash - his parents could provide it tenfold if they wanted to! I thought it was interesting that he brought the gift before knowing how I would react, like he still wants to give me stuff but wasn't sure if it was 'safe'. I'm pleased that he did feel safe enough to give it to me.
(((Whateverittakes))) Thank you for stopping by and for such kind words. It was so lovely to see you here. I will take a look at your sitch. What you said about mothering was such a good insight, it is my natural instinct to nurture and mother I can really see how it can affect sex life. I think I need to work on the difference between caring and mothering. That was such an interesting insight, thank you.
(((Lisa))) so funny, I promise not to do that on Tuesday night and I shall turn round and kick the loud man behind who also was a backing singer!
Glad you had a good time.. you sound very cheerful! Were you happy with the prices you got from the estate agents? Are you still planning to go ahead and sell, or to rent instead?
It does seem that your H is still keen to sell the house, how do you feel about that? I think he has responded in a much more reasonable and friendly manner, which is an improvement on where you were before!!
Does he know when you are back? I agree that maybe you could send him a short email letting him know you are back and asking when he'd like to meet with you.
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Lisa was actually the one singing the solo and for some reason (unknown to me as we had rehearsed it loads!) I joined in!!! WTF???!!! Lisa sung it really beautifully.