Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? MS LADYBUG 1 yr later

It's been 1 yr today that h moved out (at my stupid, heat of the moment request). I've DB off and on and really waivered at what I want. I guess I still do.

But, I've come to a place where I am just trusting in God, no matter what. I can't do anything else. There's a HUGE wall between h and I and it would take an army to bring it down. But, I know Who's taking care of me, and I know I'll be alright.

1 yr..lots of pain, lots of growth, and lots of faith building.

Faith isn't faith until it's all you have left.

Hey Ms B
I read this quote from the book "The last Lecture"
This may not be the exact words but should be close.
"The wall is there for people who want it bad enough to climb over."
We are doing the best that we can in this difficult time.
I know God is helping us every steps of the way. We all trust his guidance.
You can do this...
NW626

Wow, 1 year. Hang in there!

We have had a series at church called Leap for the past two weeks. It is literally about taking a leap of faith.

I don't know about you, but I struggle with this. It is much easier when it is left up to God, and I consciously say okay, whatever happens happens. But then, in the wee hours of the morn...I start to plot...and realize that old habits are hard to break!!!

I like your phrase. It makes a lot of sense to me. It is much more peaceful when you leave it to God.

I remember my one year, and wanted to know how you are fairing?

I dont' think it was a stupid request, if he treated you the way he's been treating you all these months you couldnt' have done a smarted thing.
Was he bluffing again? is he paying for what he should? I hope so, and I hope you checked your rights too in case anything happens. Prayers your way.

Hang in there ms B, and thanks for the advice.

Hey Lady B you are in my prayers. I just hit 11 months and I feel your pain. We have kind of been neck and neck through this havent we my friend? well be strong and we are all here to help remember that.

Interesting comment from h the other day. He called me one evening and said he was out drinking with his cousin, and may want to come over later (wink, wink) would that be OK? I told him it would be fine...I was in the mood anyway.

So, he comes over about 2am, we have sex, small talk a bit, then he gets up to leave. I was still in bed, and he walked out of the room, paused, walked back in and said,
"You want to know something? When we were first married, and I worked the early morning shift, I asked you to wake up with me and have breakfast with me, and you said no. That really hurt my feelings."
Where the HELL did this come from?? And what would an appropriate response be to this? I don't want to wake up at 5am to have breakfast, when I can sleep until 8. I still think today my answer would still be no. I mean, now that I know it hurt him so much, maybe I would, but what does he want me to say to that now?
Then he told me that I act like I don't care, and if I really loved him I would show him and walk him out to the door.

!!!!He comes over at 2am, wakes me up for sex, and I'm supposed to walk him to the door??

Anyways, I wanted to use this forum to vent, because I was ever so sweet to him, but seething inside.

seems like you weren't "so sweet" to him as you think . you were polite... you both enjoyed sex. but he was actually thinking about whether reconciliation with you would be worthwhile. whether you would treat him better than you did.

the answer seems to be "probably not". that's sad
so, for him, you are at least nice enough for an FWB situation... but not to be married to.

I think a lot of people would expect their spouse to do for them what he asked of you, FYI

Scarred, it seems that perhaps you have not read any of my past threads.

"Worthwhile reconciliation", in my husband's eyes would be...
A wife who is also a personal servant. Available at any time for sexual favors while keeping the house spotless, the meals perfect and well-balanced, and the kids quiet and well behaved. At the same time, this wife must also work a full-time job, do all the grocery shopping, and personal errand running. Making ALL the arrangements for the kid's birthday parties, and holidays. She must also pay all the bills. She does ALL the child-care, changes all the diapers, gives baths, and referees when the kids fight (which they should NEVER do, because they are angels). At the end of her day, she will sit at his feet and revel in his greatness because after all...he went to work that day.

Guess what? I DID that (OK..I didn't revel in his greatness, or keep the house "spotless", but I did everything ELSE!)...but I didn't get up early to eat breakfast with him. So, obviously I "have no respect" for him.

Nothing I did or will do is EVER going to be good enough. So, if he is wondering whether or not reconciliation will be worthwhile, he needs to decide if he is grown-up enough to COMPROMISE on things. ANYTHING. (Where I put the toothpaste in the drawer, how I fold his underwear, what cleaner I mop the floor with). He WILL not let anything just go. Who cares? He does...about EVERYTHING! So yes, I am a complete bitch because I won't get up and eat breakfast with him (did I mention I get up 2x/night to attend to the kids while he has NEVER been the one to get up for them?) And I'm disrespectful because I mop the floors with Pine-Sol knowing full well that he prefers the smell of Clorox.

So, please do not say that I am nice enough to be a FWB, but not a wife because you have NO idea!