Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Hey Babe, I Got Your Christmas Present Right Here.

Mike - I'm learning from you all the time buddy.

You are a top man. Were you like this with STBX ? Were you for a while then got in the comfort zone and stopped all the romance ? or is this the learnings of a former DAM ?

yes..I did things like this for Kim. I never missed an anniversary or birthday or special event. When Caleigh came then we both got comfortable I think. There was still some romance but it did slow.. I wrote about what I did for Kim in the last few pages.


the deal is this..see I don't see the flowers as a big deal..I apprecaite all the things said here about me doing it but to me it's just being a gentleman, a nice guy and showing her some apprecaition for going.

I talked to MHS38 last night. I could tell she really liked the flowers. I ask her out again but have no permanent date yet. Things must be worked out and planned a bit due tot he kids being on opposite weekends..



and this Arthur...one thing I learned through this last divorce..if you let things get comfortable..then you give the chance for another to enter the picture..you can't let things get stale..you can't let things get comfortable..you must make a woman feel wanted, cherished, adored..

Talk to my H, his number is 0030 692xyzz71, call collect (is that how you call it when the other pays?)
K

what your husband does not realize is that it probably won't take something huge to win you back...a series of small, romantic things from his heart would make you fall in love with him again..

You see Mike, that is why every woman here is so impressed by your gesture. You don't actually see this as a big deal. WE DO! I can honestly say that no man has EVER in my entire life done something that sweet and kind just because he knew it would make me feel good. You are a rare man indeed Mike. Actually, thinking about it, I don't know even 1 man that would do any of what you have done. You actually do get it don't you? The little gestures make us feel important to you men. That's all we ask. Not the big over the top, diamond encrusted (all though that's nice too), extravigant stuff.

and this is why my heart is broken..

yes,,I get it..i've always gotten it.

so why the failures? why is what I do not enough. have I just never found "the one"?

if what I do is such a big deal then someone here tell me why my M did not last?? Then tell me why Kim quit??

if you guys only knew..if you only knew what I did..I put all my chitt to the side..I hid cards in places to be found months later. I went through countless tubes of lipstick/chapstick writing "flowery words" on the bathroom mirror for her to see every morning..

so..I waffled on having Caleigh and it cost me my M?? and that's a hard pill for me to swallow..it's all I did that I can think of that caused this..that and my dislike of her mother..

and here we go into the murky depths of what is Mike's chitt..inside my head..

Your marriage failed not because of what you did or didn't do.It failed because your ex didn't want to do the hard work to make it work.It's just that simple.

So just keep on doing what you can for that beautiful daughter and work on your happiness.You can't fix the ex.But you can make sure you have a safe place to fall for your daughter.

And your doing a good job.Keep it up.

Later Friend
Briget

That's just it Mike. "The one" would have worked hard to keep your M together because she would realize what she had and appreciate you.

I understand your frustration and how you go over and over the questions of "why" in your head. I can't see that waffling on having Caleigh more than 2 years ago would have done this to your M. Kim has her own reasons. You said it yourself, she has to be a victim. You are not ultimately "at fault" here.

Are there things you could have done differently? Sure. Couldn't we all?

Could Kim have shown appreciation for your efforts and genuinely worked for you M? Of course.

In the end, what Briget says is the absolute truth.

Thanks Mish--saved me the trouble of typing it.

Mike--Kim has her own issues that she needs to resolve--otherwise she is going to follow the same pattern again. Continue being the awesome dad that you are and let Kim figure herself out. If the women in Tennessee fall through, there are plenty in other areas of the country!

SMW

or she just used me to get Caleigh and her dream home..

now that sounded chitty didn't it...

anybody got a 2x4, shotgun, civil war sword to kill this "dead horse" that gets beat over and over and over???

I don't know if there really is a "one". It's very clear it takes "two" working like hell to make a "one" that would never be unbroken...and maybe only a very small percentage are actually supposed to make that "one" and the rest of us are just supposed to get together, bang like rabbits and populate this place??

that sounded pretty chitty too..

and believe me..I have no want, intentions or desire to fix anything to do with Kim..

she's F**Ked UP plain and simple..