I wanted to pipe in too. As far as them not thinking of us, I used to think the same way. When my H started to finally come out of the dark he told me that he thought of us all the time. When he finally came home he told me that he missed all that we used to do together and his life.
I read that your H lived with OW for 2 yrs. Was he mostly dark during that time? Did our H's OW have kids? My H acts like the wonderful step dad and H only communicates with me about S's and our house.
Also, our D will be final in April. Not sure how to get through to him in 4 months time. I haven't been able to do it in 1 yr. I'm afraid it's done for.
Yes, he was dark during that time and only popping out of the tunnel once in a blue moon. The ow did have kids. It used to make me mad that he was worried about them more than his own kids.
Just because the D is final in April doesn't mean that it is over. Things can change quickly in MLC land. I know there are several people on this board that went all the way up to the last minute and then the D was dismissed. Keep your prayers going.
Since I've been married to H, I've become a very independent, self-sufficient person. I had to be since H was always out of town "working". I had to make sure everything was taken care of because I wouldn't know when H would be home to take care of it. I think this was part of our problem that H didn't think I needed him anymore. He thought all I saw him as was a paycheck. So he went to OW where he was needed and left me.
My question is, should I become needy? Asking him to come fix things around the house, getting his opinion (ex. painters, workers)(normal I would just tell him after the fact), etc. In the past, when H has come to the house to check things out or work on things, it's always while I'm at work so I don't get to see him. H makes sure that he's home for 4 so he can get OW's kids off the bus and fix dinner for their "family".
Any suggestions on what I can do to prove to H that I do need him?
I was told that when H was helping OW build her house the summer 2007 that he and she were picking out everything together. When we built our home (2005 - H was newly involved with OW). H told me he didn't want to be bothered with anything when it came to choosing colors/floors/cabinets, etc. that he just wanted to handle the pool and the bbq areas. What do you make of this?
This Christmas will be my worst one yet. H did spend last Christmas with us but this year since h lives with OW he will be with her and her kids. My first Christmas without H in 21 yrs.
It took me over a week to decorate the Christmas tree. S16 and I went to get it a week ago last Sunday. Neither of my S's wanted to put up a tree. They didn't see what the point was so I decorated by myself. I didn't want to but I felt like I needed to for them.
I was doing the Christmas cards yesterday and I was signing them and I put from me, H, S20 and S16 on one card by accident. I just broke down and bawled and bawled. I'm crying now just thinking about it. OW will put H's name on her cards this year. IT'S NOT FAIR!!!
I did nothing to deserve this but I'm the one in so much pain. H and OW and her kids seem to have it all.
What has happened to my life? It's not at all like I'd thought it would be. I made so many sacrifes for H to be were he is in the company he works for. Now OW gets to have him almost every night, his big salary, the big house, etc. It's not the material things that I will miss it's H.
H sent S16 home with a bottle of wine for me. I didn't get H anything. I wonder if I should have. I was really surprised that he got me a bottle of wine or anything for that fact.
S20 was only there a few hours before he came back home on Christmas day. I asked S20 why S16 didn't come back with him and he said that S16 had drank a beer and so he couldn't drive. S16 was back home before 10:30 the next morning. S16 had left at 3pm on Christmas day. S16 stayed home with me until about 3:30 pm Friday. He could have stayed with H at OW's house because OW had to work but instead he came home and just watched tv. I wonder if H even thinks about this. Why won't S16 spend time at OW's?
Has anyone read or heard of The Secret? What do you think about it?
I found it interested that H told me when he left that it wasn't his responsibility to make me happy. This is what The Secret says. That it is my job to make me happy.
You miss the life that you had... I did. I had it all and X wanted out. I missed my life,my family and my kids. I still do 2 years (post divorce). it's going to get better,I can promise you. I miss my old life and what I had and it's okay to miss it. But you will get better.. Hope that helps ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
