Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy losing my sanity...

Dear hope3343,

Wow, I think we are both at the same spot mentally. We have both changed ourselves a lot but our spouses are doing more of the same. So sad for them that they cannot see they are the cause of their problems. We, on the other hand, are improving, are happier and whatever comes along, whether it's a reconciliation or another special person in our life, we will begin that with a new confidence, self-awareness, firmer bods and brighter attitudes. How wonderful is that!! Good job, let's help each other along!

Hi TxMom and Pm,
thanks for your support.
TxMom I can't get into FB yet. My regular pc is down and I can't access through my work laptop. We will be having a new laptop for Xmas so then I will be able to have access. The atty I spoke to said pictures would help, since I have much to lose. My 401K is 5x more than H's and I am also co-owner of my Mom's house and I don't want to lose those based on Hs infidelity.

Postively Mommy (love your name), I am really coming around and making the hard changes. Is it easy -- absolutely not. Old habits die hard, but no matter what happens I need to keep moving forward and use every opportunity as a positive.

I figure from now till when I leave to see my family that I will see H about 4 or 5 more times. I need to not fall apart especially with the holiday coming. H is driving us to the airport on 12/23. That will be my biggest challenge -- us going and H staying with OW. I pray to God for strength. I need to show him that I moving on and hoping when he spends it with OW it will be depressing not spending it with his true family. OW is big party person and I can see my H drunk going through this holiday to get through it. Instead of it being exciting I pray he will just see it as it is -- sleazy. What is your H doing for Christmas?
We will support each other.

Well I have just had a phone consultation this morning with another atty and based on length of marriage and assets if H wants to serve me I should go with fault D - adultery. I told both Attys that D is not what I want and hope that H does not follow through after the new year asking for this. I am hoping that the longer he goes with OW the worse it will be and some of the excitement will be gone.
Both attys recommended PI. I had a name of one which I called this morning, These guys work quick and as of this afternoon -- has the WHOLE background of OW and will be working on getting pictures.
OW was M 2x - both bad D and both times she racked her husband over the coals for money. I kept wondering how she was able to afford her nice beautiful house on her salary -- It was part of her D settlement. Maybe I can find who her atty was??? Then I can go to a consultation with them so if she recommends that atty to my H he will be unable to use him since it will be a conflict of interest. Always thinking.

I am totally committed to saving my M, but I do think that we need to keep our eyes open and protect ourselves and not be at the mercy of a fogged out H and their gold-digging OWs. My H is a catch for OW since she figures he makes good money.

More to follow.

Well our meeting was cancelled so I do not see H today unless I run into him at work.
D15 and I leave in 10 days to go see family and H will remain behind with OW. I am trying to handle it and not get emotional. I think if I make it to Christmas it will be easier for all of us emotionally. I do feel good that I decorated the whole house and it looks great. My D15 was happy to see it, but i know she is stressed because she has been getting migraines at least 2x a week and I know it is from stress. she used to get maybe 1 a month. It kills me that my H's selfish actions have had such a negative impact on our family.
How is everyone else doing with the holiday? any thoughts.

Hope,

good info on the attorney's.... I'm surprised as the two attorneys here didn't say a PI was necessary... how costly are they?? AND what does claiming a Fault Divorce - Adultery really get us? is it more money or them less time with kids?? What did your L say about that?

I could get a PI I guess anytime and might just do that come first of the year...

Hang in there.. remember there is NO way he can be enjoying himself on Christmas without his family that he has spent it with for the last 20 plus yrs... you be happy and excited and fake it till you make it when you drive to airport... I wish he didn't have to take you as that will be weird..

Hi TxMom, thanks for stopping.

Ls both said that it will help because I have so much more asset wise than my H. 401K is 5x more, stocks, and ownership in Mom's house. There is no way I am giving H what we worked for 21 years to the gold digger OW. It will not affect visitation.
Also H has racked up about 10K of credit card bills since June most spent on OW. I am sure she is encouraging this because she figures we will have to split it. Not going to happen also.

PI also gave me background on OW so far. It is pretty ugly - 2 D, took both xHs for a ride financially, couple of lawsuits, etc. Found some Pics of her on my space...everyone except one she is various stages of drinking - heavily. Pretty sad. My H in a fog and addicted to this OW is clueless. He will has to figure it out himself.

PI was $1500. Ouch but at this point I need to try and protect myself because H is soooo out of it and I do not want to be unprepared. I hate this.

It will be weird with H taking us to the airport but then I can leave my car at home. He is coming in to also watch the dog...how sad is that. I know it will bother him being in our home, all decorated for Christmas and we are gone.
I am planning some good times, going to NYC, night at the casino and visiting friends. Will I be sad -- yes but I am going to make the best of it and try and be happy.

Another night that I could not sleep well. I wake up during the night and have trouble going back to sleep. I try to pray and clear my brain but sometimes I just can't go back to blissful dreams which I need. Find I am also grinding my teeth in my sleep. What I think I am handling well, is showing up in my sleep patterns. Need to work on this.

Had a nice night. Went to the Christmas boat show at the yacht club. All the boats were decorated with music for a parade. It was beautiful. It was a little sad because last year we saw it together at a friend's house. What a difference a year makes.

Well it is the 10 day countdown to Christmas. Lets all keep in touch and support each other. It will be a difficult time but we need to make it into a better time for ourselves and GAL.

Hi Hope,

I haven't posted much lately but have been reading your new thread and trying to keep up.

Try some yoga classes or just get a DVD - do some easy stretching and deep breathing before going to bed and see if that helps.

Christmas will be tough but I do believe it will be tougher for the WAS whether they admit it to themselves or not.

A question about exposure - my sitch is complicated and I haven't explained all the details on my thread yet, but when my H decided that he was in love with someone else he moved out first before beginning the PA. He called this "separation". Even told me "I'm going to do it right" (!!) Anyway, to make a long story short - he helped the OW through surgery and had much contact with her parents. At one point I asked him if they knew he was married and he responded angrily "we're separated!"

So, maybe they know, maybe they don't. But I'm pretty sure he's planning on spending a 2nd Christmas with them - I think they believe he's such a great guy, helping their baby daughter recover and all.

I've taken the high road for so long - I know I should stay out of it (?) - let karma get him eventually - but damn! I'd love to tell them everything!!!

Oh, and how do I know where they live? They gave him a $50 check for his birthday last summer. We still have a joint account so I can see the check - their address and phone number right in my face.

Or maybe I could start sending the OW a text message everyday - Hello, it's Dec. 14, 2008 and your boyfriend of 20 months is STILL MARRIED.

Thanks for letting me vent! I'll stay in touch through the holidays.

Stay strong!

I have not posted here before but I was reading your last post, and it sounded similar to mine, in the fact that H thinks because we are separated it is ok to do what they are doing.

I am not sure if my H has another woman but I am pretty sure he is on the hunt. We were separated all last year , with no indication of this behavior and then he returned home for 4 months only to leave in August this year and then in Oct he informed me he had gone out with someone BUT it was perfectly acceptable as we were separated.

Sorry to go on, but although i was not happy and it did not sit well, I thought maybe he was right. BUT it is not is it !

No it is not. And an attorney will clarify for you the consequences of your H's dating during the "separation".