True PD I can only say what I thought..but, the thing that I think STINKS, as anyone else would agree I'm sure, is that it's too bad my spouse (our spouses) don't convey their crazy unhappiness until it's the "sorry you have no chance, I'm out or seeing OW/OM, I want a divorce, whatever"...
{{{Super}}} Well..you are right about the looking is not my problem
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Hi Phoenix, I did recognize my M was crap, but there are many others that seemed to have very stable M and boom their spouse comes home, announces I am leaving and off on a wild A. I do not think the M needed rose colored glasses. Is M up and down -- yup, sometimes it is not exciting, but I don't think in every case the M was bad it was the WAS used the M as an excuse for their bad behavior. I just an opinion.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Phoenixdeux, so if a marriage goes through a downtime after 10, 20, 30 years...that justifies adultery? It is impossible for M to be perfect every day.
All of the experts agree that nothing justifies adultery except emotional or physical abuse. Even then the battered spouse should get out of the marriage first.
Phoenixdeux, so if a marriage goes through a downtime after 10, 20, 30 years...that justifies adultery? It is impossible for M to be perfect every day.
All of the experts agree that nothing justifies adultery except emotional or physical abuse. Even then the battered spouse should get out of the marriage first.
JW,
I'll let Phoenix answer for himself, but you've obviously never read the body of his work on these boards if that's what you think his position is. That's a HUGE stretch.
JWM, most M do have problems and yes it does not justify adultery. That is the rational view most of us on this board have. But when you have a WAS or MLC or looking for any excuse for committing adultery then you have a fog babble addicted spouse that uses a so-so M to justify their actions.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
JWM, most M do have problems and yes it does not justify adultery. That is the rational view most of us on this board have. But when you have a WAS or MLC or looking for any excuse for committing adultery then you have a fog babble addicted spouse that uses a so-so M to justify their actions.
But, the ultimate question for all of us is whether or not that fog can lift and the "real" person we did love can re-emerge and, at that time, even if they were to love us, could we still love them? My W seems to have reinvented herself to be consistent with her actions rather than to do the introspection needed to understand what really drove her there (when the fog makes it ALL my fault)... It's the amnesia caused by the fog that's so devastating to us caught in their haze.
-AlexEN
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
Alex, that is something I struggle with everyday. Like you I have been M long term 21 years, and this is all so shocking still. Also it is so bad for our kids.
I have been trying but some days it is so discouraging and I think my H will never come out of the fog and return to the M. Could I still love H? Right now yes but there are no guarantees down the line. I see on this board that some WAS want to return and at that point the LBS are no longer interested.
You are right about the amnesia, my H cannot remember any of the good of our M only the bad. If I say one thing out of turn my H will say "see how you are -- it is all about you and you are controlling" which undermines everything we are trying to build up with Dbing. The OW my H is with has had a strong influence on my H and it is tough because we all work for the same Co. I think after the New Year my H is going to ask for a D. I am really sad that it will come to that.
I did see some Attys here because I do not want to be blindsided. I told both that I do not want this and I do still want my M. Both said I had a strong case for Fault D -adultery and said I should get PI. How did we get here?
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
