My biggest fear is that the more I detach, I could become a WAW.
That's my fear too! My W thought that I did not love her anymore and that is why she lost her feelings for me. Now that she is a WAW, I don't want to have lost my feelings for her when she decides to come back. That would really SUCK if that happens!
Is this what you all have been telling me for the last little while and i haven't seen? Wow. i feel like a damn moron at the moment........
No Neil - you care about her, that's all. Nothing wrong with that at all. But now it's time to care about you. Realize that a lot of the pain you are feeling is because you get caught up in what seem like babysteps from her. But they're really not. They are just things that she does to keep you right where she wants you. It's time to change that. What Phoenix wrote sounds spot on to me.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
as far as i can tell, she's never asked me to watch them while she goes out with OM, (which definitly wouldn't fly) but just like the mundane stuff. For example...my d2.5 is sick and is going to the doctor. I offered help. W asked me if i could take d3.5 for dinner and whatnot. that's the stuff i mean. i'm pretty sure the answer is yes.
on the other hand, i'm not getting her cigs anymore.....
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
the kids. i have always helped her when she's asked or even offered to help with them. i don't think this detachment stuff applies to them, does it?
Just my $.02. No you are obviously not detaching from the kids. You are just detaching from her. Stop offering to help. You are a great dad - the girls know that. But think what happens when you text her about them. She blows you off. The whenever she contacts you about them - you come running. Take the message, read the text. Unless it's an emergency, stop coming to her rescue. It's her little way of keeping you there.
I wouldn't bring her one more cigarette. She has an OM. Let him do it. You don't have to be rude. I would just simply say - that I don't have time to do that today. And then change the subject to the girls. She doesn't have Neil to kick around here any more. She needs to know that and feel it.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
