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I wouldn't mind a few notes of affimation for ME right about now! I'm sorry that folks are unable to mind their own business, or at the very least, be kind to the kids.
I had to fire another good friend last week. She cornered D12 after Mass and pumped her for information. This same 'friend' showed up at the courthouse last week, ready to testify against me. Good Grief, where are you, God?
As I mentioned before, the Judge has seen this tactic before and was not interested in what any of these well-wishers had to say.
I'm working on my stuff. Being quiet, praying more. Resisting the urge to toss another log on this ugly fire. Hoping that one day, I'll be remembered as the one who tried to settle this mess peacefully.
Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to the holidays, and the Women's retreat coming up in February at my new parish. And being done with this awful divorce.
*****hugs*****
Goldey

Hiya, Hoozhawhatsit!

Man, that sounds like an awesome, awesome program. I wish they had had something like that at our church when my daughters were that age -- what a GREAT idea!!!

Not to sound all creepy and conspiratorial or anything, but it's really strange to me how these people have cut you off. I've asked you before if you knew what your husband's "spin" story was, but on a related not, is there any chance he had ever hacked your e-mail, and deleted/recalled your messages before they were received? Just weems weird to me.

Puppy

yes, it's frustrating and it's sad. There are, in this group, a lot of people who should know better. A psychiatrist, a couple of pastoral care folks. I'm disappointed in them, really.

I'm sorry this is happening to us!

Where is God? Shaking his head sadly, no doubt. Sorry that the people he sent for support haven't stepped up, have made poor choices or didn't have the intestinal fortitude to be present for us.

That sounds like such a cool program at your DD's school!

Yep, the program addressed so many needs at once, in a positive way that was fun. One of those things that you realize more people need to have available.

You know, I have no idea what his "spin" was. I know a couple folks who were initially very supportive, who subsequently disappeared. I never tried to get people to "take sides," but in the first week I truly believed (foolishly, as it turns out) that our friends would do something of an "intervention" and confront H on his out-of-character behavior. In fact, I had no doubt that they'd help him come to his senses. However, I was very wrong--the few that I told had no intention of confronting him. I was really shocked at the time, felt the sand sliding out from under my feet because my foundation was not what I thought it was. I mean, we even had a part in our wedding vows, because we so valued our community, in which our guests promised to support each of us and the marriage. You know, that "marriage isn't just between the two of you, isn't even just between the two of you and God--you're part of a larger community." I didn't have that part in there as a nice little add-on; these kinds of things were far more important to me than the colors of my bridesmaids' dresses or what kind of shoes I'd wear. Silly me.

I suppose it is possible that he has messed with my email. I know that everything that I copied related to his emails with OW, and my emails with her, disappeared. I changed my password a few times, but it never "stuck." There are a few folks who have remained my friends, and I have never been aware of missing messages from them--I suppose he could choose who he wanted me to hear from, but then there are a couple of folks I'm sure he'd have preferred me not to remain in touch with. I just don't know.

Our church has a girls' camp every year and we parents are asked to write a letter to our daughters to be read out at the end of the camp. I love the idea, and it always gives me pleasure affirming my D16's good qualities (and my other daughters when they were young and going on the camps). However, I think it's nice to have the moms there, and to get others to also write letters to our daughters.

I am so glad you had this experience, Hmama. I also feel for you, losing the friends you thought were so loyal and true. Maybe it is a good idea to write to them and tell them how disappointed you are in them. It's not like they have to listen to you about your H, or dog on him, but it would've been nice to have someone to hang out with, just for fun. Maybe, just a shoulder to cry on sometimes without explanation. They don't have to choose sides, but they could've just been friends with both of you with no judgments.

Take care.

Has anyone verbally TOLD you they got your e-mail, but found the whole thing too painful to respond to you or something? Or you just never heard back from any of them?

What do you mean, your password never "stuck"??

In the beginning, I emailed 3 potential "interventionists"--H's middle brother, his pastor, and the mutual friend I wrote about earlier. The brother was initially shocked, supportive, felt bad about our daughter. But never spoke with H. A few weeks later H called his brother, talked with him and his wife on different phones--who knows what was said. After that when I sent an email "update" (I think when H moved out of the house), I got a "please don't send these kinds of emails because our kids have access to this email account." A couple of weeks later I emailed his wife at work to ask a question about whether a change in meds could set off a personality change (she's a psychiatrist). One sentence answer, discussing comparable doses. I wrote back, asking if she felt comfortable and had the opportunity if she would talk with H about this medication change. Got back a scathing note that said she never mixed family and professional life and she couldn't/wouldn't do that (we've always had those kinds of discussions informally). One more note to the brother--at work--in September letting him know that H filed. No response at all.

The pastor's reply was well-thought out; we talked, once. He took himself off a couple committees working with things H was involved with. I'm still a friend of his wife; I could go anytime and talk with him about anything else, but he does not want to be the guy in the middle, and that's understandable. He did, early in the summer, insist on a talk with H since H hadn't yet contacted him. I have no way of knowing how that talk went.

The friend--well, we met a week or so later and talked. He basically said a lot of things along the line of this marriage was doomed, he wasn't surprised, we'd never been happy (I think H had talked with him at that point). I emailed him (he has no cell, is very hard to catch in his office, is rarely at home) to see if he knew of job openings over the summer, during my search. One-sentence reply. Emailed to let him know I'd found a job. One-sentence reply. And that was that.

Other folks who I didn't lay all that out for (because I really felt that that blew up in my face in a huge way)--well, the ones who were more "my" friends have been there for the most part. The ones I was quite close to who were more "couple" friends--no calls, no emails, no visits. I kind of assumed they didn't want to deal with the awkwardness, but have since found out that they still have frequent contact with H.

I changed my email password a couple of times, but my ISP has always been a little squirrelly about that--reverting to the previous one after turning off the computer, that sort of thing. I eventually stopped changing it because it kept reverting. I did change the "privacy questions"--which is why I doubt that he'd been able to change it without my knowing. The emails he deleted--that was done from my laptop before he moved out, so he didn't even need my password.

Ugh. Wish I had known all this three months ago...I think we went to the same church. My friends turned out to be interested more in the latest gossip than the fact that a family was falling apart. One friend managed to keep a cool head, but it's not enough. I've fired the rest and moved on.
I'm praying for you, Mama. This is so painful, I know.
Lord, watch over my friend and keep her close to you. Grant her peace, wisdom, and patience. Let her feel your presence as she goes about her day. I ask for this in the name of your Son, Jesus, Amen.