Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Can my 32 year old W have a midlife crisis?

Jeff,

Don't expect any Christmas miracles.....That only happens in the movies bro....

What you are going through isn't any tougher or easier than what I am. It is just different. There are ways of being yourself and making YOU a better person while living in a small confine with her. I have thoughts on this, and I can help you, but you really need to post more than you do so I can help. Or maybe make the journey that many of us have to the alternate universe. If you are interested. let me know or read BSC's thread....there are a lot of signs leading the way if you follow the trail.....Especially Lola's posts.....

Any expectations are generally a bad thing....either positive or negative...The positive are bad, but the negative can be just as deadly to us.....If you expect the worst.....then it will happen. So what if she files/moves out/ or whatever....can you forgive her? That is the question that you have to ask yourself.....If you can forgive her for whatever this brings? Then meet me on the flip side....

If you can't ? Then you answered your own question....

Hey T

I guess at this point I don't have any expectations right now it is hard living in the same house together. She is making every effort to not be home and has been staying at OM place still insisting that nothing is going on. We are in the process of a legal separation. She is the one pushing it.

I have a question do you have any thoughts on how I can DB better when my W is constantly asking for money, she is being very matter of fact and cold about splitting up stuff even being unreasonable. I am making every effort in being calm, she is trying to push my buttons. I am trying to be dark because I know she tries to use my emotions to get what she wants. I have been confident the last couple of days and have held my ground. It seems to have worked a bit. Tonight she called just to ask about how cleaning the freezer went, I found this odd that she would call about that.

My W is looking for her own place and I feel a bit helpless. I have been talking to MIL but have not talked about relationship stuff. Right now I look at my W and I feel numb I don't even know her anymore. I can't even think about her staying at OM's. Her brother was over today and is still furious with her. He says the whole family doesn't know who she is anymore.

Right now I am focused on GAL but I am still going dark. Although I still have to talk about splitting up stuff. I am going to try and do what my coach said and inject humor into the process.

What is this alternate universe you are talking about.

Search BSC's old thread, the universe is a very helpful place.

My W has asked me to help her move. She asked me to help hang pictures as well. I read in the DR book of one guy who just tried being a good friend to his W any thoughts on helping her?

thanks

People think I am crazy wanting to keep the door open for my W. But I want to look at this separation as not necessarily the end.

Well I helped my wife move. It's your call. Don't expect anything from it at all. The only reason I did was because I didn't want strangers in the house.

I hear ya, There is a line there. Have you figured it out yet? (au)

Yeah, I have been so kind to her and she does notice, but lately I don't know if it's done any good. Just have to remember they will come out of this on their time and they will remember how we treated them.

Ya I have been trying to treat her with kindness. I hope she will remember. I had the same thought as to who would help her move and I don't want strangers in my house as well. She is looking to move in the same area I am still hopeful that when she is on her own and see's what it is like she may start thinking and come out of it. I know it may take awhile. I still plan on keeping my friendship with her brothers. People think I am nuts but I miss my W (the old W).

I had to move her car and saw a brand new snow board in the back. OM has a Condo at a ski resort. It sucked to see that. I will probably end up helping her move to try and show her that I am still there for her.

It's tough, I just try to remind myself that everything fun that they seem to be doing is a quick fix to numb the pain they feel. I have to admit though, lately my wife's moods cycling back and forth so much has being trying my patience. I often struggle with having too much contact with her. I wonder if that slows things down.


I feel your pain about people thinking your nuts. They will never truly understand unless they go through it. Don't let it get you down. For our wive's to just suddenly change into the total opposite of what they were means to me that they must be going through some major stuff upstairs. All we can do is protect and work on ourselves and wait with the patience of a saint.

I know what you mean, at times I miss my wife something awful. Right now though I can't stand who she is and what she is chosing to do.

Have you checked BSC's old thread yet?