Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Wandering Poster 46 - Try not to get stuck ...

Well said, Amy.
Perhaps I'll add, often the 'real' sitch is not nearly as daunting as the 'imaginary' one we project could happen.
Jeff, what do you have to lose, really?
Stop.
Think of what you stand to gain.
Do you love W? Or just being married?

My sitch changed when I stopped being afraid.

Glad the S20 VA thing worked itself out. Peace.

Kerry... thanks, I will have to look that one up! I hadn't heard of it before, but the title sounds interesting!

LostPhil.... oh, my...... it always seemed to me that we were one post away from him "getting it", and then..... wow! I don't think I have ever banned anyone from my thread!

(((((goldey)))))
Yes, I do get to decide. I have gone too long letting her decide everything. I can't decide that she will turn around, but I can decide how I am going to let if affect me. I can decide where I go from here!

When I decided to give her the letter I had gotten to the point of realizing that there is nothing to lose. This isn't a marriage, anyway.

To answer the question, I think I could love my wife, I'm not sure I love her now. Or maybe I should say I love her, but I'm not in love with her! (That hurt, just to type it! )

I don't know that I am there 100%, but I am getting much closer to the point where she can't hurt me any more.

YAY!

Except for that last line.
It's not good that you're close to that point and to me at least, it indicates that it's time to start making some moves.

You will do fine, I am sure.

You are much stronger than when you began this journey, you know...

Can you 'splain this a bit?

I know I am stronger than I was. A lot of it is pretty recent. It feels good.

AMY, you sure sound like my kinda person, are you sure you arent from my neck of the woods - Brooklyn? We call em as we see em!
(Well, except I dont in my sitch - I need to work on that)!

Jeff, do it up, man. You could do this. Take your life in your hands and just go for it!

What's to explain?

What could possibly be GOOD about reaching a place in a relationship where you can not be hurt by the other person anymore?

To me it suggests you've reached (or are nearing) a state of indifference.

Numbness.

Dude, that's one step from losing your give-a-sh*t.

And THAT is the opposite of love, OJ.

What's up with Jeff being called OJ? The poor former Heisman award winner/wife (and boyfried) slasher just got sentenced to 15 years (min 9) in prison.

His name is Jeff.

My husband's name is Jeff.

So a long time ago I started calling him "OJ"

Other Jeff.

<< Besides the DR and LL book that Amy mentions, I have to recommend the "Hold on to your NUT's" book. It is the essential book on how to be the best husband.

I vote with Kerry on this! Sometimes the wisdom of men counts more! No more DAMnation or pussyfooting ;-)