Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis 23 months on a rollercoaster: dizzy

Hi Stella,

It's been so long since I checked on you. You are still such a trooper. I have not had to deal with the OW as much as you have. My H still denies even dating anyone. LOL. I think you are doing wonderfully. I hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful.

hugs,
poet

(((Lisa))), (((Essie))), (((Addie))), (((Poet))), hi and thanks for checking on me!

I was busy having my opening at the gallery, it was nice, many people said they liked my work. H came to the reception and left very early, nearly immediately. After the show I went home alone, I was tired and didn't feel like celebrating, had one of them moments...

Last hours before the opening were stressful, lots of work. H was in charge of installing my work and at one point he ignored my opinion and when I persisted, hhe made a cutting remark, MLC stile.
My eyes whelled up and I had to step away for a moment as I was about to start crying in front of everybody, all of a sudden I was reminded of all the walking on eggshells I've done in the last couple of years. H noticed and looked remorseful. Few minutes later his mobile rang and of course it was OW who wanted to discuss their plans for the evening! I tried my best not to react but I guess it was obvious that I was upset (there were other people in the room and I didn't want them to realize what's going on. I think they did, though). Anyway, shortly afterwards I had to leave the room again. H went after me and asked me if anything was wrong. I started telling him what exactly was wrong from my point of view and he started apologizing and then I realized he was there working with me on my show, so I stopped suddenly in mid sentence and said: I'm sorry. I'm glad you're here, helping me . He said, I know, I'm sorry too, and as we spoke we were leaning towards each other and ended up hugging. It was spontaneous for both of us and felt great.

I don't know what to think about it. I remember reading about seeing flashes of old and new personalities, or good and bad, all at the same time. I also remember that in the MLC Resources it was ascribed to the last stage of MLC. Am I too hopeful again?
Aftera ll, he never mentioned coming back or dumping OW yet.

Poet, it is kind of you to call me a trooper! I'm calling myself an obstinate she-mule

(((Everybody)))

((((Stellitsa-mou))))

I don't think you're being too hopeful- as long as you're doing it with no expectations you should keep hold of the hope. It does sound as though your H is doing some rapid cycling, so I hope he's approaching stage 6. I think, though, that the only thing you can do is to keep doing what you're doing -being patient and kind and letting him work it out on his own. I really think he's getting there, and his actions are speaking to that too.

I thought this week that I was seeing some flashes of different personalities from my H- each e-mail could have been written by a completely different person, but then I thought I was being too hopeful and kidding myself too. I'm keeping fingers crossed for both of us!

So happy that your gallery opening went well. Can you post some pictures in the other world? I'd love to see!

L. xx

Stella, I saw you post on Dawn's thread and noticed that you were young when you married and have one child as do I. So I thought I'd say hi!

My h is just getting ready to move out to ow's family's house this week after a year and a half on this rollercoaster.

I think you should try really hard to keep your emotions in check around your h (hard I know). But from what I have read (and I read a lot) they need to feel no pressure of any kind.

It seems to me that you leading your life with little unnecessary contact is working. Keep doing what works.

Have no expectations and try to be positive.

Congrats on your show!

Hi Lisa, Beginners and all.

(((Lisa))), thanks for encouraging me, I really needed it. My patience wears thin:)
I don't know if it's this time of year (I saw a new thread about it here) but today I feel like I just cannot take another minute in Limboland.

Since the opening H has called 2 times, first time he asked if I'm free the next day, I said yes and he just disappeared. Second time he called right now, money issues, nothing personal.
Sounds indifferent, not even an alien, just a distant acquaintance. His bloody spinning is driving me Nuts!
I'm spinning too, and I'm sick
He can carry on like this forever!


Interestingly,a friend from Uni who doesn't know anything about H and me, sent me an e-mail today. She has this thing for asking a dictionary different questions (like one would ask I Ching) and she's getting pretty accurate answers sometimes. So she asked about me for some reason, and here is what she got:

"So I did get a reading with so many words...and it all spells out that you are about to make a big change in your life which will gladden your heart.
Something tells me you are reluctant for this change but nonetheless it will be good. Alot of "digging in of your heels" to get what you want, so GO FOR IT!"

If it's a D change, well, may be I should GO FOR IT and have it done?! Will it gladden my heart, though?..

I wish I knew...

Thank you all for letting me vent again

(((hugs))) everybody

Dear all,

in 20 min or so I'm going to see H and we're going to tell our D17 about our sitch (H doesn't know yet but this time he will have to face it). The friend of a friend I've mentioned a few days ago has returned with the news about our S and H living with OW and the news haVE been spreading like forest fire. I've got two e-mails already! there is nothing else left but tell our D now, over the phone,three weeks prior to Xmas, 2 weeks prior to her Bday!
While we're at it, I'm going to have a major R talk withH, I'm afraid. I'm going to tell him that I don't want to be friends, at least UNTIL I AM READY to be friends with him. I don't want daily phone calls either. In short, I want out of limbo, thank you very much for the ride, I'm off.
I'm very emotional now, after all I was covering for him for two years, telling D17 BS about Dad's work and how he's working hard to make living and pay for her education.
wish I had 36 hours to think it over... or 24... But I called H already and I cannot afford to lose another day. D17 is my priority now, DBing comes next.
The best I can do is not to cry in front of him.
ok, he's here.
wish me luck!

Good luck Stella.
I found that the tears were minimal when I kept to a script, or at least bullet point statements. No rambling or rants. Peace.
p.s. This was hardest with the kid I was closest with. If this is true for you, I will let you know that I've had to detach from the kid for a while. Very hard.

((((((OH Stella))))))

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.There is no good time to tell your children what has been happening. You've protected D17 from this for such a long time. It was a heavy burden you carried. Maybe now H will face up to his actions.

I wish you the best of luck telling your D.

{{{{{stella}}}}}

Just hugs sweetie, lots and lots of hugs.

SMW

Good luck. Just remember, you are a wonderful mom.