Congrats on all the forward steps! If you find a book on how to be a wife instead of a mother- let me know (Maybe you can write one?) It sounds like a common problem for the women on this board.
I think your H is just on his own timeline- like all of ours. But it is fantastic that he is part of your life again and working, even if it isn't how we would do it. Nothing they do is!
Keep on posting so we can learn from what has worked for you
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
I'll have to think about writing one. . .hehe. The closest thing I have found and recommend is The Surrendered Wife. It's really good. There are a few things I did not agree with but it is a book of ways to show respect for your man and not be his mommy. Check it out.
I will certainly keep posting to you guys. I may have my marriage back but it is still hard, it's a marriage after all!
Things are still wonderful for the hubby and I. Last night we had some MAJOR future talk about where our life is going and where we want to live and blah blah. My hubby really wants to travel and was talking about all these places to go and I was saying how would that all be possible unless he was full time army and not stationed here in Oregon with the guard. He agreed. So I asked if that was something he was thinking of, because in the past he has always been against it. He said not really but then we went on to have a really big conversation about it. I told him that I want to write and that I can do that from anywhere. It sounds crazy but I just want to be with my hubby now and I don't really care where we live. There are complications as usual with animals, family, and friends but we could figure those things out. We wouldn't have to move far away or to another country nesessarily. Maybe just a state or two away. So it was very exciting as we were talking in terms of the next four+ years of our life together. When/if we want kids to fit into that timeline, where we want to settle down eventually, trips we want to take, etc. It's giving me a great chance to affirm and tell him that I trust him with my life and our life together. Which is great.
As for the here and now things are good. We still see each other about once or twice a week. He is coming over on Saturday after his drill weekend. I hope he stays the night but I doubt he will as he will probably want to get home and unpack and everything. It would just be nice for him to come to church. Well and to sleep together, that is always nice.
He is looking for a job both here and in the city he lives in and wants us to move to. Nothing is working out yet. I'm getting a little annoyed by all that because the longer he takes to find a job the longer this drags on. I appreciate that he is waiting to find a high paying job so we can rent a house like I requested and we have started looking at some to get a good idea of what it would cost and all that. I just wish it would speed up a little as it puts me in limbo. I can't really look for a job anymore because I don't know where I am going to be living. So I told him last night that I am going to start looking for a Starbucks job because then I could transfer really easily to wherever we live, even cross country or in California if we went there for training. I don't want to be doing coffee my whole life but it works for now, at least I know what I am doing! So I'm gonna try and apply around town next week when I have a day off. The cafe I work at now has given me hardly any hours and my paychecks just keep shrinking. Ahh! It drives me bananas. Luckily hubby has been taking care of me. Nice to have a sugar daddy somtiems. Lol. Just kidding. It's actually kinda awkward because I have been fending for myself for so long it is awkward to ask for money and I have this internal urge to do it all myself. But we have also talked a lot about money and how my hubby is going to be in charge of it and that we need to combine our accounts again because when I moved out I got my own seperate account. But it will be nice to move in and have him take it over, finances make me nuts! I get too stressed and then it starts to affect our marriage. Our first year of marriage he was in charge of it and we never fought about money even though we didn't have any! Hehe. And then when he left I took over and when he got home he just never took it back and we kinda did half and half and that's when things got crazy out of control and we started fighting about it. So it will be better this way. Much better. Plus it is one of the things on his list, he wanted me to trust him with financial decisions. Well honey you can have them all! How's that?
On a more annoying note I am supposed to go to my IC appt on Thursday and I really don't want to. I am very tempted to cancel and "forget" to reschedule. After last time I just don't see how it is going to help me. She obviously knows nothing of DBing and she has an argumentative tone that I do not like and it hinders me from being honest because I know what she will say. How sad is that? Ugh. I just don't want to deal with it.
Well anyways. . .that was a lot of rambling. I haven't posted like this in awhile. Guess I had build up. Bottom line is my life in in flux and yet because I know that hubby and I will be together I just don't care as much.
Oh one more note. A very sweet story that should give y'all hope that the WAH can change his mind!
Maybe a week ago hubby and I were texting back and forth about moving in together and I asked if he was scared and he said "of what?" and I said "of things going back to the way they were" I was getting cold feet in a way and I got kinda spooked even though nothing bad had happened. He was like "no, I really think we have a shot at this" I asked him why he said that since he had never felt that way before and he told me not to question it. So I haven't. But it melts my heart. I wish I had saved the message so I could read it over and over again.
I don't have a lot to say here, but I just want to tell you again how happy I am for you. It is so inspiring to see a success story like yours, and also to see how the WAH can do a 180 like yours has. It must feel great to be in a place where you can actually express some of your own feelings!
It seriously sounds like things are going so well for you both, and I'm sure the hard work will become less hard over time, and that each day will be a joy. Congratulations again!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I've been a little busy lately. Sorry I haven't been around. Seems like y'all are doing fine without me though It's fun to watch the progress.
Things are wonderful for me and my lovey. A lot has happened and yet not that much at the same time. Lol. I know that doesn't make sense. A lot of it is just build-up to the "main event" of moving in together. We are still trying to pull it all together.
Sunday we had a meeting with one of his Sergents about job opening and possibilities. That was good. He also introduced me as his wife which was amazing!!! I love hearing him say that. The meeting went really well and now my hubby is chasing down leads and looking around. It's hard not to get impatient somedays but I have to remember that he is holding out for a good job, more career directed so that we can build a future together and that is worth waiting for!
We see each other every few days. He actually stayed the night Saturday and went to church with me on Sunday which is wonderful. It felt so good to have him with me, I was kinda afraid it would be awkward but it wasn't. Felt like he had never left.
We did have a little spat via text the other day and I got really afraid but I just gave him space when he asked, apologized for my part, and we moved on. It great to know we can handle conflict, even if it is only small ones.
Today I had my fifth counseling session. I didn't want to go after the last one a couple weeks ago but I went and it was good. We talked about how far I have come and how to keep the changes going. She did have a couple things that I thought were interesting.
1. She thinks I should tell him that I want him to stay the night every Saturday so that we can go to church in the morning. Also just to have that intimacy of spending the night together. I am not sure this is a good idea because the bed here at my parents house is small and we don't sleep all that well or comfortable when he sleeps over so I am not sure I want to do it on a regular basis. Then again it will probably only be a few more weeks or a month so what is 4 or 5 nights? I will think about. The important advice here was to tell him what I want instead of asking. Because asking leaves room for a no. Whereas telling is a statment and does not leave room for argument. He could still turn me down. I don't know what he would actually say. I guess I will wait and see what I want to do.
2. She thinks it would be good for us to move semi-far away and start a new life together and make new friends together. She thinks it would be helpful for us to build a solid foundation. She was saying this when I was telling her that we are not sure what we are gonna do. Full time army, move to his city, stay here, go to Washington, etc. It's all up in the air and that is okay with me for now. I will tell my hubby what she said about this and see what he thinks. Neither of us really know what we want to do or where we want to go. It does make me impatient but I try to remember that is is good in the long run and also that we are very young and trying to find our way in life and at least we are doing it together.
I have my next, and possibly final, session in three weeks. We spaced it to give me and my hubby time to settle on some sort of plan. So hopefully by then something will be set. I'm just glad the session went well.
I'm just happy and hopeful in general. I really have come so far. The counseling, both MC and IC, has helped but when I think of where I am really learning and growing I think about you guys here on this board and all the advice and support you have given me over the past months. I wish I could thank you all in person for the wonderful influence you have been and continue to be in my life.
