Ouch! Boy do I sound like an angry, bitter, resentful shrew! Not appealing to me, much less H or anyone else. Yes he is being an ass but no reason for me to be one, too. Time to straighten up and fly right.......
Yes, you have it hard. There is no pleasing someone who won't be pleased. And it does seem odd that you must try so hard to please him, and at the same time, he has no interest in pleasing you at any level. Really, he is an a&&. But name calling is bad, even if I don't actually know the man.
My opinion is just that, my opinion. But I have lived longer than you, and over the course of my troubles I came to the conclusion that it was not in my best interest to keep the secrets of those who wronged me. I did find that when I went public with the truth about the way I was psychologically (not physically) abused by my son, and later my husband, those behaviors stopped. Maybe it was sheer coincidence. I was amusing at social events because when someone asked me a simple question like "How's the family?" I launched into the story of how my son was stealing from us and dropped out of high school, or that my husband had a mistress. I startled a lot of people. But both my husband and son knew that I was talking about them in public. And they didn't like it. I still don't know if that led to their changes in behavior. But the behaviors ended fairly soon after that.
Anyway, just my opinion, But I don't see why you have to "act as if" in front of his family. Surely your family got the gist of things when you arrived alone for Thanksgiving. No one really believed he "had to work" or whatever other excuse you might have given.
I see what Sara is saying, I'd have to think about that a bit. I don't know which way is most productive. Then again, what you are doing now doesn't seem to be working all that well. Hmmmm, I just don't know!
I do know what it is like to be able to do 97 things right, and three wrong, and be the one that is impossible, though!
My family knew exactly what was up. My mom called several times in the few days before Thanksgiving (she calls pretty much every day anyway), and each time she would ask, "Is Dan coming for Thanksgiving?" And each time I said, "I don't know. I left it up to him." Got pretty annoying that she kept asking me that....
Suffice it to say when I showed up without him they knew it was b/c he didn't want to come. I didn't have to say anything....
I am pretty annoyed w/H's mom, to be honest. SHE called ME a few days before Thanksgiving and said H told her he wasn't coming to my family celebration. When I asked him about it he got mad and said he never told her that, that he had told her he wasn't sure what he was going to do....Well, Thursday morning while H was still 'deciding', I heard the phone ring. By the time i got upstairs he had hung up. I said, "Who was that?" He said, "My mom." I said, "What did she want?" He said, "She wanted to know if I was coming up there (for his niece's party) or not."
GRRR..........She acted all upset and disappointed in him for not wanting to come to my family celebration, said she told him he needed to go, then she had the nerve to call and see if he was coming up there..........She has been controlling since literally our first date, so it shouldn't surprise me.
I didn't go to his celebration today for his parents. I went for his 85 yr old grandparents, b.c. I love them. And for his uncle whom I also love. And for my kids b/c I didn't want to break it to them on a special day, I have a million other days to do that...
However with my family tomorrow I imagine I will tell the truth if anyone asks why H isn't there, that he didn't want to be there...and I will get the facts to H's family before Christmas if he doesn't do it. I won't be celebrating with them for Christmas, at some point he needs to know what it is to do things without me if that is what he allegedly wants so badly...........
Thanks, Jeff, I know you don't meet your Ws standards all the time, either....it is so frustrating!
I want to say, "Lighten up, it is ridiculous when life is so short, (his parents both have cancer, my aunt literally died last night after a 6 yr battle herself) you pick such random petty things to let ruin your day/life".....
Oh well....................back to the checking. I am finally up to June 1, hooray...
I'm glad you went today. It was the right thing to do. I have wondered in the past about the way he attends to his parents business before his own. I guess that was a pattern set in childhood that he hasn't tried to break. It's interesting that his mother is supportive of him neglecting his own family to be with hers. Does this mean she will approve of him leaving his family?
**We can't let him hurt you any more (like it is her decision we stop being married?!?)
**If he isn't in love with you, fine, I can handle that, but to string you along and hurt the kids is wrong (???)
But then she says
**You will ALWAYS be our family and you will ALWAYS be invited to all our gatherings even if Dan doesn't want to come with you there, you are welcome to come and he can miss out...
So, whatever.
H is grumpy at me again this morning (shocker) b/c he didn't go to Atlantic yesterday, now we have snow on the ground and it is snowing so he can't take the trailer out in this weather. So it is of course my fault he doesn't have the tractor and can't go get the tractor...
So he is going to go to a cattle sale today with his best friend Nathan instead. Ok have fun....
First let me say, why are you trying to analyze his parents' actions? Imagine anyone from the outside trying to "help" you. Imagine how confused they might be. They love their son, but they can see he is a putz. Try to just roll with them and their "good intentions".
On to our boy Dano.... Here's my take, he loves you. He doesn't love himself. Sex with little hotties and prostitutes doesn't make him happy. The bad ass new truck... nope. The prize cow... nope. Cool new tractor... nope. Wow, since he isn't happy something has to be the problem. It can't be him. He is too much of a man. Afterall look at his bad ass truck, chicks he nails on the side and that cool tractor. Therefore it has to be BBJ.. Except it isn't. So he picks a fight to make you the bad guy. He had to make you the bad guy because it sure as sh*t can't be him.
Try and let go of the anger BBJ. It's doing bad things to you. As my eight year old would tell you (he is playing lego Star Wars on the Wii as I type this) that's the path to the dark side. You don't want to go there.
BBJ, find an IC to talk to just for a little while. Someone to help you make it through the next few months.
Oh, and put your sh*tkickers on and plant one right between his cheeks for me.
