Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Wandering Poster 45 - In Motion?

It's more like I have those guy cooties!

(((((((BobbiJo))))))

Good grief! Your W is really ticking me off! She has got to get a grip here!

Ok, rant over. I'm just completely at a loss for what to say about this Jeff. You are a wonderful, caring man. That W of yours really needs some help. I hope she isn't planning on sweeping the letter under the rug in the hopes that things will go back to the status quo. I know you can't do that now. You've come too far.

I hope for your sake that this is a hiatus only until after the holidays.

Love ya buddy!

(((((mishka)))))

I would not be surprised if that is her plan, whether conscious or not. No, that can't happen!

I'm with Mishka. Geez, your w if a cold one, Jeff. I guess hang in as long as you can and then you will have to bring up the letter. She needs help and an attitude adjustment, I think.

Hope your holiday was a good one!

LOL

(((((((Jeff))))))))

Just keep switching things up on her.

Things are moving.

We shall see what happens from here.

Well, last night she was back in here. Then the dog started whining, so I put him on the bed. He stayed for a while, then started whining. So I called him over and reached down and petted him, did it several times. Then I put him on the bed again. He jumped off again, then started whining! So W finally took her pillow and headed for the sofa, figuring he would sleep on the sofa. He went out with her, and I didn't hear anything more. She told me this morning that when they got out to the family room he went over to his bed on the floor, and went to sleep!

Our houseful of guests has left, they were a lot of fnu to have around. There are only two weeks of school before S19 comes back home, I think I got the message that I am going to get him, I think W is working that weekend.

I have been really tired this weekend, I know I was up really late Wednesday, but I thought I'd caught up from that. I wonder if I sleep at all when W is in the bed? I am soooooo worried that I might touch her, and get her upset. Despite the fact that I would like her to be here, I wonder if I really am better off if she is not until she wants to be?

Jeff, I did that whole worrying about touching him thing for a year. It is the worst feeling and you get no sleep.

If she comes back to the bed, you should get your pillow in the middle of the night and go sleep on the couch - LOL!

It is so uncomfortable when they are there and they dont really want to be.

(((Jeff)))

Luckily I only experienced one night of my h 'bed clinging'. If he was any further away in the bed he would have been in the bathroom - that was the night before he dropped the bomb. It is horrible so I know how uncomfortable it can be.

I know your goal is to have your wife back in your bed with you but maybe you should break it down. After all having an unwilling wife is not doing you or her any good. I don't think you should give up or accept that it is just easier this way, I think you need to set some smaller, bite-sized goals to make both you and her feel more comfortable around each other.

I think the major one is your bedroom and you have done an AMAZING job there. Can you come and do mine?? What other things can you do to make her feel more comfortable. Maybe more of the the 'can I get you anything?' question when she and s were on the couch, that showed thoughtfulness and she responded well. Also the loving, kind words that were in your letter. Are you warm or cold when you speak to her? Does she feel 'cared for' in words as well as actions?

I know it is really difficult when you get no response but these things broke the ice a little. Can you take them a step further or increase them?

((((((Donna))))))((((((Julia))))))

I really think that I wasn't sleeping a wink while she was in the bed! Last night she slept on the sofa, the guests were gone, but the bed wasnt' made up yet. I think I slept better, but after sleeping all day I was restless!

I think I will try to turn up the kindness, and see how she reacts. That might be a good way to figure out if anything has really changed.

Is a hug a bite sized goal? That's what I'd really like!

Julia, I'll take care of your bedroom, for the small cost of a plane ticket, and a hug! And you would have to introduce me to Lisa!

Hey Jeff..
I was thinking about your exchange...

"So, W got home last night, found some food, and watched a movie with the gang before coming into the room. And said, in a very flat voice....
You bought a new comforter?
You bought new sheets?
Then I took the dog out.
I got back in, she was getting in bed, she seemed to be looking for something, so I asked if there was something wrong. She kind of grunted, I said, "Sorry, I thought you were looking for something"
Then she said...
"Can I turn off the light?"
That was the entire extent of her comments."

.. she just seems so entrenched in her position, its a defence mechanism, or a wall, she is not too near to breaking it down yet is she. I wonder if one level she isnt a little mad at you for the changes you have made? She was comfortable in the stance she had taken against you.. she had given up on you and your M and I dont suppose she expected anything, or you to change? And then you did.. and you kept makinmg changes and now you have asked something of HER.. and I wonder if she isnt a bit mad at you for that, for pushing her out of that safe comfort zone she has been in for years...? You keep pushing though! You are the eternal optimist, I am sure others would have given up and had an A a long time ago, so all credit to you...

She doesnt realise how lucky she is!!!

Al xxx