I dont know much about what this day means for you guys, only that it has to do something with turkeys and one gets to live because the President decides so... (LOL!!)(or is it Christmas you do that?).
I guess being thankful for your kids, your family and friends, here and RL, your health and the fact that you are one tough cute girl is in order... K (common friend)
Everybody is talking about all the food they are making for today on FB and I am getting hungry...
Hope your thanksgiving is a peaceful one. This is not how we envision what are supposed to be family gatherings. Concentrate on the folks who love you...it is hard but you are not only Dan's wife. You are a mother, a sister, a daughter, a cousin, an aunt ......a friend. You are undoubtedly surrounded by people who love you for who you are. Go out ther and enjoy their company!!!!
I have a lot going for me, you guys are all a big part of that, thank you.
H is in his inner turmoil, he opened up to me last night and said he spent the better part of two years trying to learn to "live with me", but wasn't happy (hmmmm......ow interfered with that, I imagine... ;)).
Then he said he spent the past year (post-bomb) trying to learn to live without me, and he cannot do that either.
So I guess I will choose today to think about all the good things in my life which includes the fact that H "can't live without me" !
Seriously, I am good, the kids are good, we have a lot of family to see this weekend, what more could you want?
And Kalni, (my ultra-loveable common friend), I made pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, scalloped corn, green been casserole, etc etc. Still hungry??
H chickened out at the last minute, as we were loading the car. He said he was sweating his heart was pounding and he couldn't decide what to do. I am officially stepping out of the running. If making a choice is so hard, then that says to me he already made the choice and couldn't face me with it...
So he went to his niece's bday party this afternoon (we were going to see her on Saturday at his family Thanksgiving but oh well) and the kids and I went to my parents.
The image in my mind is that my love for him was a big fire, that burned down to coals that wouldn't quit smoldering, wouldn't give up the flame. So now I have this image in my mind of scattering the coals and stomping them out one at a time.
Sounds morbid, but it isn't. Kalni called it surgically removing the love she had from her husband or something like that.
I will stomp mine out one coal at a time. And it will be okay. I am okay, I have my two kids with me tonight and they love me to bits. I am lucky and fortunate to have all of you and my family and my friends, that is what really matters today.
Woog, it isn't anger in my heart that concerns me. It is the hurt and pain I will feel. I don't want to keep clinging to this hope and then being disappointed. Maybe what I am stamping out are my "expectations" and "dreams for us", not my love...
For example when I was at my parent's playing monopoly with my BIL, dad, and Nate, I thought about how H used to like playing board games with us. I mentally "stomped out" that thought and went back to playing....
Thanks for posting, didn't think anyone else would be on here tonight, it's too late in Europe and a holiday here...
Thought of you a lot today. Mentioned 'my friends' to my mom today, she knows I talk to you every day...
