Hard to answer that one, Woog. I regret that my kids won't grow up in our home with their mom and dad together. I regret the fact that I pushed H out the door when he is the one who said he wanted to leave. I have about a million regrets. But we don't always get what we want.
If I let H stay here indefinitely, then I would have been glad the kids had more time with us all under one roof, but I probably would have regretted feeling like I let H take advantage of my love and 'niceness'.
I don't know. I wish I hadn't told him to leave but yet I just didn't feel there were a lot of other options. Maybe I should have been stronger and played happy family for my kids through the holidays.
I have a lot of questions today and not a lot of answers....I need to accept what they say in princess bride
That "I don't know how to do anything else", struck at my heartstrings (but I am a total sucker anyway). Has your H ever had IC? Kimmie's observation of him being a real "romantic" but not knowing how to make that romance last so he has "affairs" to get that "rush" (I don't know why men can't be like we women and just read a romance novel or something) really resounded with me.
I know this is a very "co-dependent" way of thinking, and he has to be resposible for his own happiness, but maybe you can help him. If he loves you, as he says, and wants to be with his family, which he also says, then perhaps he would be willing to go to IC and/or MC. One thing is for sure, if he doesn't get his head together, then he will never have a fulfilling relationship with anyone, and he will spend his life going from woman to woman to get his "fix" but will never be truly happy. That would be a sad thing.
Just a thought.
And, I think that honesty is always best with kids, although you should take into account their level to understand of course, given their young ages.
Take care!!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Hugs to you, the C told me today, I shouldnt do anything just for my kids because I am their strongest role model and they are copying my attitude. No regrets Bbj, no regrets, you have nothing to be sorry about. You didnt cause any of this. Love K
K you are right, you/I shouldn't do anything just for your/my kids.
Fortunately/unfortunately, I still very much love my husband and I want him to stay here not just for the kids, but for me. But I want him to stay for ME not just for the kids, and I don't know that he can honestly say he is doing that.....make sense?
I did call H this morning around 11 to ask which grocery store in Omaha area has the best meat/produce. He is a meat man, so he knows his grocery stores, they are his customers...our small town grocer is fine for the usual stuff but I needed a lot of special stuff for Thanksgiving cooking....
Anyway he recommended a place near his work, I said thanks and told him I was getting the kids haircuts, too.
At 2:00 I get a call while I am in the grocery store. It was H. I said hello, I couldn't hear anything. I said hello again, he said "Hello!" loudly like he thought I couldn't hear him...
H: What's up
Me: At the store getting ready to check out
(10 seconds of total silence)
Me: I can't hear you, must be a weak signal in here...
H: No, I just didn't say anything
Me: Oh
(10 seconds of dead silence)
Me: You did call me, right?
H: Yeah
(5 seconds of silence)
Me: Did you need something?
H: Just wondered how it was going, if you got the haircuts or not...
Me: It went fine, we stopped for Chinese first, S wanted to invite you but we were already eating before he thought of it so I said maybe another time. Then we got haircuts for both kids, and groceries. Now we are in the checkout.
H: Oh, ok (silence.....)
Me: Ok then, I need to check out, call me later if you needed something
WTF was that about? He needed to see how it was coming? Getting haircuts and groceries isn't exactly rocket science...
Yeah, Nebraska in general is cattle land/beef country.
There is a company called Omaha Steaks here that ships all over. It is good but WAY WAY overpriced, what my H sells is better but you have to have "connections" to get it unless you are a supermarket, restaurant, or meat shop.
I have connections so we get it at home, I am sure that gravy train will run after H moves out if I want it to, he hasn't been stingy with anything...
I would bet H has not asked/told his parents yet that he wants to stay there tonight. He won't want to ruin their Thanksgiving, his dad and mom have surgeries coming up and I am sure he thinks this news will depress them....as long as he doesn't try to put the guilt on me, so be it.
Maybe he called to check my temperature, to see if I 'really' meant what I said last night. And I do. If I am not part of the reason he is staying with us, then he needs to go, period. He can still see the kids from someplace else. And any other couch should be as comfortable as ours, shouldn't it?
Yeah, that Omaha Steak company has some delicious pictures, but they are a bit spendy. They even sell steak pet treats. I am having lamb tonight and am letting GF40 have my last remaining tenderloin - she has never tried lamb and is hesitant.
He is confused and probably lonely. I'm sure he is imagining life without he kids. It's a brutal thought for a father who loves his children.... Trust me I know
Main difference, though Woog--you are separated from your kids part of the time because Nicole decided she needed to walk away.
In this case, Dan is making the choice to walk away, he is bringing this on himself....I know, he isn't choosing to leave the kids, but that is a natural consequence of leaving me...
And Kerry, no I don't eat ostrich. I eat beef, pork, some turkey, salmon, some whitefish, lobster, and crab. NO duck/elk/deer/buffalo/ostrich for me....
When your husband brings home filets, strips, and ribeyes, why eat anything else?? Although he has always done the grilling so I have a lot to learn...
I am sure H is upset with himself. He knows he 'blew it', knows he is breaking up his family. I am even 90% sure he wants to want me, he just doesn't know how to anymore or finds it too difficult to try...
so we get it at home, I am sure that gravy train will run after H moves out if I want it to, he hasn't been stingy with anything...