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{{{Amy}}} Ugh..someday hopefully your hub (all of spouses really) will replay some of these convos in their head and be like "what the heck was I thinking to say these things"..yes, I guess I've read/heard/seen that for whatever reason all of these WAS's think the kids will be fine and not be affected that much by these choices..I would definitely tend to agree with you and think it's probably a combo of all of these things put together..I'm glad he talked to you about it and hope he has a good b-day and that you have a good day my friend!

By the way, thanks for rubbing it in that you are off the next 4 days LOL THANKFULLY..I have to just work a half day tomorrow and half day Friday and then Sat and Sun..

Tawnya

{{Amy}} Hope you are having a wonderful Thanksgiving day my friend!

Tawnya

Hi Amy, I responded to your beautiful post you sent to me on my thread. I have a huge favor to ask of you sweetheart.....whenever you get this message. It's Friday and you may be pretty busy, still, but there is a LBW that I have just began talking to lately that is having a terrible time yesterday and today. I have tried my "style" with her, but I think she really needs to hear from another person who she feels is where she is but doing better. I thought about you so much yesterday and prayed that your day could be good b/c I know holidays are tough to get through the first year. Remember how you use to say that you were not good at detaching? Well, she is in that same spot, but she is so low and I am worried about her. Her self esteem is not good and I'm not sure that she isn't very co-dependent. Anyway, please let me know as soon as you get this message so I can tell you.....well, I'll just tell you now and any of you other girls that can go to Kristi's recue....she needs you all badly! I post the thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1660409&page=0&fpart=5

Sandi! I told my story on Kristi's thread, and I challenged her to set a personal goal of some sort. I don't know if it will help at all right now. In spite of the fact that we'd all like to help the folks on this board so much, sometimes we can't help much until the folks are ready for our help. I was like that...I heard you posting to me, and I even recited your words in my head. But, for a while, I couldn't act on them...I just couldn't! Once I was ready, though, the replays of all I'd been told starting running in my brain and things just clicked. She'll get there! Keep loving her...she needs you!!!

So, just a quick summary of my holiday interactions with H.

H came over Wednesday to deliver the b'day gift. It went fine. There were a few interesting things said during the exchange. The first concerned mine and S7's discussion from the night before...about being the only divorced people in our family. I wouldn't have shared that, but H asked about S7 and if he was doing any better. I said, "Yes. He and I talked and we are going to work things out." So, then in a mocking tone he said, "Oh, so you and he are having trouble getting along?" Like that was the problem. It made me so mad...I just smiled and said, "No, actually S7 is really sad that he's going to be one of only 2 kids in the family from a divorced home. Don't worry about it, H. S7 and I will deal with that ourselves...he and I come from the same place on that one." H just shrugged...like he thinks we are the crazy ones in the sitch!!!

Then, as he was leaving, I just told him that I wouldn't be calling that night to talk to the boys. He said, "Okay. That's all I needed...so, I don't have to send anybody out looking for you." I just laughed and said, "Well, I'm actually a big girl, and I don't need you to worry about me." He said, "Yea. I'm sure you have plenty of friends who would come looking if you didn't get where you were supposed to be on time." I smiled sweetly and said, "Actually, you are right about that."

So, he and the boys show up for lunch on Thursday. It's a little awkward...but, we eat. Afterwards, we clean up, and H takes the trash out for me. While he's gone, I say to the boys, okay...we have to get ready to go to Grandmothers. S3 asks, "And, Daddy too?" I said, "Nope. Daddy's not going." So, we have a discussion about what Daddy will be doing instead. S7 says, "Maybe he's going to see MiMi." That's H's step-grandmother who actually reared him...practically his mom.

So, H comes back in and S7 asks if he's going to see MiMi. He says, "Well, I'm going to work, but I will see MiMi later. She doesn't like me much right now." Then, he looks at me and says, "She knows." I said, "So, I can go see her?" He says, "Yea. She'd like that." His family is not close, and they love me. I'm sure it was hard to tell them, and it definitely means he's not turning back! I guess until he told me she knew I still had a shred of hope. Now...definitely none!

So, we give S7 his birthday gift and H makes a big deal out of telling him that it's from both of us. He says it like 3 or 4 times. I found that interesting because in years past, he's always gotten the thanks for the gifts...he's the cool dad that picks them up, puts them together, etc. So, S7 always thinks they are from H. And, this is the first time I've noticed H trying hard to correct him.

Then, he tells me that he'll bring the few things that belong to me from his warehouse. I tell him that maybe he should just toss them...one was something I wanted to use in the bathroom, but with my new tub it might not fit. So, H goes in the bathroom to check it out. He calls me in there, and shows me where he thinks it will work. And, then he tells me he'll bring them over the weekend.

I tell him that I've packed some of his stuff, but not all of it. He says he doesn't really have anything at the house. I say, "Well, actually there are 5 boxes of things in the spare room that I think belong to you." He just shrugs...says he's not going to take them now but he'll get them while the boys and I are gone.

So, then, I had my pitiful moment...I guess I was due one...it was Thanksgiving for goodness sakes!!! I say (with tears in my eyes), "H, thanks for coming to lunch. In hindsight it wasn't a good idea, but it seemed good at the time I extended the invite. I won't invite again. You know how much I care for you and that I don't want any of this. If you ever need anything, you know I'll be here for you."

And, he responds with, "Well, thanks for lunch. I know, and I hope you know that I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I know you'll be here if I ever need you, but I'll never ask for help from you. You know that too."

And, then he played air hockey with the boys while I finished packing. He left saying that he wouldn't be calling the boys that night. And other than a few "hellos" when he's talked with the boys, we've not talked since.

He did not come get his stuff. And, he has not mentioned the settlement, etc. But, at this point, those are just formalities (work's taking priority over those things right now). He's gone. I've accepted that. I'll see his family next weekend. It will be hard, but it's one of the last hurdles I have to jump on this course!

I'm doing good. I really am! I have my whole life ahead of me, and it's going to be a really good one..I've decided to make it so!

I hope everyone has had a good holiday...as good as can be expected given some of our sitch's!

Love you all!
Amy

Wow {{{{Amy}}}} WOW..what an amazing interaction you had..I"m so glad you are ok..and glad you are jumping another hurdle in your quest for "super Amy-ness"

You are still definitely my role model, hope you don't mind..for who I want to be when I grow up

Hugs to you!

Tawnya

Well, Tawnya...I don't mind at all you using me!!! It makes me work harder if I'm trying not to let you down!!!

And,on that note, I wanted to say that I just got my Christmas decorations down with only S7 and S3 to help. That was huge for me!!! My ceilings are 12 feet high and the stupid ladder that H bought when we moved to his house weighs almost as much as me!!! So, to do that by myself was very empowering!!!! I'm taking the boys to dinner now to celebrate!!!

Love you!
Amy

Wow..that is an accomplishment So where did you go eat?

Tawnya

Hi sweetie, I did read what you wrote Kristi. I was worried about her and there have been two more girls about the same time that just stopped cold turkey and I am really worried. I hope that it has something to do with the holidays, but one of them.....I am so afraid we won't hear from her again. That happens sometimes and it isn't a good feeling, but we have no control over that. I think Kristi was close, but you and a couple more that I asked to go to her, really came through and she sounded so much better when she replied. I knew she needed to hear from somebody that had been in her shoes!

I know your plate is full and I'm not asking you to take her on as a personal project, but as I've told you before, you can be used here Amy, b/c you are living proof that a LBS has to survive and they can.....but they've got to do it for themselves.

I join the others in saying that you are amazing, sweetie-pie. I feel so sorry for that jerk of a H when it hits him some day what he has lost. It will be downhill fast afterwards, but he has nobody to blame but himself.....and he will know that for a fact.

What you told him about the invite Thanksgiving was fine. The only thing that I would tweak in any way would be about "always being there for him". I think I know how you meant that and maybe he did too, but he also will find out that you are not going to be waiting around forever for him to make up his mind b/c it is obvious.....or should be to him unless he is still so blinded by the MLC fog, you are moving on. Yes, there will always be that special place in your heart......just as I've told you about my daughter and her first love who is the father of her child. At times, it would have been easier if she could have hated him for the pain he caused her, but they will always have a special sweetheart love for each other even though they have gone their separate ways.

Well, my poor H is sick now, so I guess we are passing it back and forth to each other. But, I promise.....I thought I had kept my hands off the man! I am doing better except for my usual fibro pain. Just pray that I will make it to work tomorrow and that I still have a job when I get there. I sure hope I don't have a relapse. I went to church today even though I did not get to bed until 4:30 a.m. this morning. The weather was so bad and I probably should have stayed out of it, but I was trying to make myself go get some spiritual food.

Anyway, hope you have a good week. Christmas is fast approaching!! I am not going to try to do the things I've done in the past about decorating, etc. The family is not meeting here this year, anyway. Going to my mother's. So, I'm going to keep it pretty simple and try not to get bogged down in things I can't do anymore. Maybe, maybe someday......God will allow it again. I hope so.

Take care sweetie,
Sandi

Amy,

Saw your comment on the alt. But see nothing here. Did I miss something? Sounds like us Florida girls are in the same place. LOL but it isn't a bad one.

Sandi...hugs to you! Sorry your house is not well yet. Hopefully, it will get better soon. And, I'll pray about your job too!!!

I'll keep up with Kristi if she'll stick around for us!

And, thanks so much again for your kind words...I'm okay!!! In fact, I'm gonna be much better than okay afterall!!!

Love you!

Good morning, K!!!

Are you talking about the "She lied...?" If so, it was a game. Check out the rest of the comments on the status. I think breakaway started it, and I'm not sure what the outcome is supposed to be, but it seemed fun to participate anyway!!!

I'm doing just fine...hope you are too. I'm glad you are taking care of BG!!! I was out of touch most of the holiday weekend. And, unfortunately for me, this week my work will be getting in the way of my life, and I'll have limited time to talk to her.

Have you heard from James? I hope he survived his holiday and is in good spirits. I guess I should send him a note in the alt.

I'm glad you found us...your advice to everyone is always very insightful!!

Have a great day...saw somewhere that you were shopping...glad you are doing your patriotic duty!

Hugs!
Amy