Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Maybe I should be in piecing part 4?

Oh, and one more thing. I got her the flowers. They were in our room when we got there. W didn't say a word......but 5 minutes later she was TM'ing the EGF.

And later on Friday night she showed me she'd taken a picture of the flowers with her cell phone and then on Saturday she sent a picture message to the new GF more our age. I'm sure she sent a picture of the flowers.

So would it just kill her to say, "thanks"? I mean, I really wasn't expecting her to say anything and by her taking a picture of them and then sending it to a GF, she obviously liked them. So what would be so difficult about saying so.

and last night I said to her on my way to bed "I had a really good time this weekend" and she just dropped her head and shook it yes, that she did to.

So am I right about her being almost there? And no, we didn't ML either. I tried both Friday and Sat nights and got rejected both nights. And I couldn't believe it Friday night. We were at a bar and she's flirting with me, pulls out some lip stick and puts it on very seductively and everything, but when we go back to the room, denied....But I didn't react to her rejection.

ROTFLMAO

Something still is not right here!! I think maybe a pullback is in order. Just a small subtle one. Its not just the no sex thing but she needs to do more of the work if she indeed wants to recover the marriage. I am not sure what to do about the son that wants to go home and not wait. I know she has a work assignment that goes into the spring but its like she has no problem being away from you for that long...as long as she has the son.

I couldn't agree more.

Here's the problem with the whole "flowers" thing:

Not only was her non-response just plain RUDE and INSENSITIVE, but saying "Thank you, H4U!" is about H4U. Snapping pictures and sending to her friends, saying "Look what I got!" is about HER.

I still see it as alllll about HER. Hate to say it, buddy, but you shoulda done the fishing trip!

What reason did she give to not ML, H4U?

Puppy

I would say to her.....Sorry you didn't like the flowers I put in the room during our(really just hers) vacation. She will say..no I really liked them. Then you say....Well I took your silence that you didn't like them. Just to throw a truth dart out there that a thank you would have been nice!!!

That's good, ILFlynn!!!

How about just telling the truth instead of saying the opposite of what you think and calling it a "truth" dart instead of an immature hint.

"I noticed you taking pics of the flowers. I'm glad you liked them, but it hurts me when you don't say thank you."

Or I don't appreciate it when you don't say thank you

Or I would appreciate it if you said thank you

Etc.

Friday night I rolled over and kissed her and she said "goodnight". Code speak for 'no way bud'.

Saturday night we had pizza late and she said she didn't feel good.

Oh, I agree guys. This is still ALL ABOUT HER.

I think I will have an answer very soon on what the F is going on. A couple weeks ago, OMW emailed me out of the blue to say it was one year ago that she got my letter. We traded a couple of emails. In one she said OM is coming home yesterday and leaving Wed afternoon so he could spend Thanksgiving with his new GF. So....if OM is not at work she most likely couldn't contact him. Plus she's in training for her temp assignment so it's pretty unlikely she'd be able to contact him. And at this point, I really don't think she is anyway. But what I DO THINK is she's still looking at his status online and getting the fix that way. So with him out of the office she won't get that fix. And W is off work Wed as well as both of us Thurs/Friday, then the weekend and then W is off Monday as well. So it'll be 11 days of not getting her fix one way or another. I just have a sneaking feeling that by tomorrow or Wed she'll really be warming up to me. And if that's the case, I'll have my answer.

Part of what I was going to put in my note to her was that I knew I couldn't force her to do anything she didn't want to do, but I KNOW what needs to be done for us to have a chance (getting rid of the affair crap, etc) and if she doesn't want to do that, it's her choice, but I don't know when my patience is going to run out.

What I really think is going on is she's ready, really ready to make the commitment to us, but she just can't ween herself from that last little fix every once in a while. Oct vacation was a perfect example. We're completely away from any possible contact with OM in any way, shape or form and by the 3rd day she's a different person. I'll bet it's the same this week. And my comment to her last night about having a good time and she just dropping her head and shaking it yes is very telling to me. But she's scared to try with me, but at the same time scared to not try so she's caught. She KNOWS I was disappointed we didn't ML, but I didn't get angry or anything. If anything, I was nicer to her after she rejected me. And then that look/action last night.

I just see someone totally conflicted. I see someone who KNOWS what they want to do, but can't bring themselves to cut the final strings. I see someone who is scared to let go of the memory of OM but also scared to not let go, so she just sits there hoping that something happens that shows her what to do.

In the letter I wrote (haven't decided to give it to her yet) I told her I understood she was scared to try and at the same time, scared not to try. Kind of my way of showing her I understand what she's going through. I also put in there that I think on Saturday morning I was finally able to forgive her and let go of my anger. I see those two things as possibly helping her let go.

Ok, wow, that was rambling. I have to go pick S20 up from school tonight. I was going to leave the letter for her when I left to pick him up. She'd then have probably 6 hours to chew on it while I'm gone.

The whole thing is, EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING points to her wanting to try with me, but her just not being able to let that last little bitty hold go of OM which is the only thing holding us back.

Because I think that shows her that I bought them for her with the EXPECTATION that I would get something in return, whether it's a hug or ML or whatever. And that was not the intention. I got them for her because I KNEW she would like it. No other reason. So if she doesn't want to say 'thanks', that's ok with me because I didn't buy them to get a thanks, but to give her something she'd like with NO EXPECTATIONS of anything in return.

I am sorry but her not saying Thank You is just rude. Yes, it sounds as if she has had an awful lot of hard knocks in life but that is NO EXCUSE for how she is being to you.

Case in point, my brother is a bit of a mess and chooses to blame his childhood and my parents for the way things are. I say look this happened, learn from it and take the parts I want for my life.

Maybe no one ever taught her how to treat people that she cares about, but that is not an excuse for her behavior now. She is an adult(supposedly) and is responsible for herself. Quit letting her off the hook.

Sorry, that just hit a nerve.

kat